-sUfi. What is your deepest fear?

2008-12-29T03:16:00.001+08:00

helooo all.

goodbye blogger. hello lj.

find me here from now on:

http://slackersufi.livejournal.com

WOOHOO.

2008-12-26T22:34:00.002+08:00

all i can do is pray
that i did the right thing
that it wasn't a mistake
that i didn't throw away
a future we might have had.

but. i didn't think it would hurt this much.

2008-12-20T15:57:00.002+08:00

she looked out at the crowd that night,
her act was done, so kill the lights,
i took a bow and said goodbye to them.

the faceless people in the crowd,
she couldn't see beyond her love,
my heart would never be the same again.

he held his hand out for her,
she tried to take it, but he got further,
and tonight, i cried myself to sleep.

torn between the two she loved,
her heart will bleed, her eyes will hurt,
i knew how much this hurt the three of us.

how does she throw it all away,
how does she make the other stay,
i didn't think, the thoughts to much to bear.

if the whole world wanted to be in love,
shouldn't love be beautiful, magical,
when did the pain set in, when did it hurt.

if two people you say were meant to be,
why can't i find the one for me?
why can't my heart commit to you?

i love you, he says to her,
don't you need me, he begs of her,
but i keep silent and walk away.

__________________

and so it ends, and i say goodbye.

in the end, i'm a coward, just like you say.
so this girl will run away.

# stop now.

2008-11-12T15:55:00.002+08:00

HAPPY (one day after ) PEPERO/POCKY DAY!

and also! happy birthday to ethel! 생일 축하해요!! to celebrate her birthday, we did not study and went to cash studio! manymany korean and japanese songs. but no romanization of lyrics, which meant i had to listen to my mp3 player and sing along. hahahaha.

but so fun! must go there again. but such a seedy place with disgusting smoke smell. haha.

ohmigosh. watched this super nice korean movie called the crossing. it's abt a north korean family and the struggles they go through. really good but really depressing. it wa so freaking sad. but a must watch!

# peperooooo!

2008-11-07T11:48:00.003+08:00

안녕하세요! 나는 수피 입니다. 저는 배고파요.

엄마, 사랑해요!

기범 너무 귀엽다!

korean is so fun. i wish i had learnt it a long time ago. haha.

2008-11-07T00:42:00.004+08:00

continuing my post of the super awesome k-pop experience! haha. e day after the concert, we went to the fansigning event of jewelry! ohmigosh! park jung ah (right most) is so pretty! and in young is really pretty too!

LOOK LOOK! I HAVE THEIR AUTOGRAPHS!!!! wheeeeee. so happy please. of course ethel and me were so happy that we couldn't bring ourselves to go for class after reaching school. and we stayed in the library showing off our pretty AUTOGRAPHED pictures to everyone we met. haha. AND i learned basic korean!!!! 안녕!!!

theeeen. off to changi airport once again to say bye to them. awwww they're long gone now haha.
OHMIGOSH WE WERE STANDING SO CLOSE TO THEM!!! they were an arm's length (or less) away from us. the 2pm and u-kiss boys, the amazing VOS, chae yeon unnie, jewelry, and andy oppa! wonder girls and kim jong wook weren't there again, cos they were at T3 taking an SQ flight out to korea. and junjin don't know where la haha.

ohhhhh kibum!!! so adorable! haha. when he heard us calling his name, he looked like he wanted to stop and say hi but they were rushing for their flight so he couldn't. aww so cute. haha. he looks so much like his hyung, ss501's hyung joon! wowee. haha.

AND OF COURSE ANDY OPPA! ohmigosh can't believe i freaking TOUCHED andy oppa. and shook hands with other k-pop stars. must really thank leeling for picking such a good spot! and the cisco police for not pushing us away! and must thank wenhui for taking care of our bags!

앤디 오빠 사라ㅇ해요!!

# bye bye andy oppa, 2pm, u-kiss, junjin oppa, chae yeon unnie, kim jong wook, VOS, wondergirls & jewelry! come back soon please!

2008-11-05T01:01:00.003+08:00

well today was the day where my $488 used to buy a phone for concert tickets finally showed its worth! KPOP CONCERT!!!! woweee. so fun la!!!

i gave up an evening of playing with anna's kitten to go wait at the airport to see the kpop artistes. andy is so cute! and omg the u-kiss and 2pm boys. why are they so young?!! but they're so cute. i wanna shrink them and keep them in my pocket. oh adorable khun and kibum!!

LOOK LOOK IT'S ANDY OPPA!

IT'S ANDY OPPA AGAIN! e stupid singaporean dj kept flirting and touching him. deesgusting. get your hands off him!

oh man so much fun! i love in young. and andy oppa. and ok la everyone. haha. so sad the concert was so short. but more fangirling to come tomorrow! jewerly! *baby one more time...* and saying bye to the artistes aww. ok to youtube now to watch mvs hahaha.

# baby one more time, lemme blow your mind.

2008-10-26T22:56:00.002+08:00

stupid girl, why are you such an idiot?

why aren't you talking to me?

why don't you let your heart decide?

did i do something wrong, sufi?

why do you think so much?

talk to me, please. i won't know what's wrong unless you tell me.

why can't you let go and start anew?

i'll be good to you.

why can't we just be friends?

look me in the eye and tell you me you don't like me at all.

why are things so difficult?

don't you realise how much i love you?

but i can't love you.

you can't? or you won't?

...i don't know.

2008-10-19T02:23:00.003+08:00

to celebrate the upcoming korea festival in singapore and me going to the k-pop concert, a new template! ok so, all the pple in my photo aren't gonna be at the concert, and nishikido ryo isn't korean...buuuut oh well. haha.

so k-pop concert! to go for it, i bought the lg secret phone. it's pretty fun...it has wii-like games. BUT the omnia is still my love.

let's see. just some pictures to summarise these past few weeks. kbox, night safari were the highlights! of course there were midterm tests which i have screwed up most probably. oh well.

night safari was cool shit. there was some halloween thing going on there and gosh, it really was fun. haha.

________________

and now it's time to make a decision. we've reached a standstill and my indecisiveness is killing me. how do i deal with you? how do i process everything? part of me just wants to just leave it all behind, but another part reminds me that i can't just pretend everything can go back to the way it was. decisions, decisions. i could do without the drama.

# no handlebars.

2008-10-04T22:26:00.004+08:00

what a beautiful performance. the blind girl is amazing.

the video below is a new song of dbsk's 4th korean album! (which i have ordered!! hahaha) ignoring the dancers in the background, this really is a nice song. haha. jaejoong looks hot. but he sounds like he's sick. poor bb.

Closing my eyes, listening to the sounds around me

Your soul, your tiniest thoughts

I couldn’t hear them because of the static in my heart

Sorry, sorry

The times when you shed tears is now history

Don’t worry because...

You’re my melody

I’ll perform for you (on and on)

You are my song

The soundtrack in my life

I love you

You lighted up the stage of my life(I’ll sing it again)

You’re my song

I’m not willing to say ‘I’m sorry’

I’ve got lots of pride yet my heart’s empty

When my soul runs dry

When everything falls apart

Will you come to me

The sad times will end like a song because...

It’s your love your love

You told me the meaning of love (and on & on & on)

You’re my rhythm

A gift in my life

Giving me beautiful dreams

Always by my side

I’ll sing it again

You’re my song

The many sad love songs

Seem to be singing of us

Protecting me by my side during this time

You are more important than anything

Listening to the sounds around me when I close my eyes

I’m calling out to your heart now

You’re my melody

I’ll perform for you (on and on)

You are my song

The soundtrack in my life

I love you

You lighted up the stage of my life(I’ll sing it again)

You’re my song

It’s your love your love
You told me the meaning of love (and on & on & on)
You’re my rhythm
A gift in my life
Giving me beautiful dreams
Always by my side

I’ll sing it again
You’re my song

# standing on the edge of a broken dream.

2008-09-27T02:01:00.003+08:00

After the afterglow sets
I'm going towards you
Following the lights which turn on one by one
I'll embrace you
Before the cold wind makes your shoulders flinch
I love you
The foolish you
You're so precious to me

As much as the sun that rises above you

I'll keep you safe as much as you've waited for me

With this glaring heart

All the dreams I've prayed for

They're going towards you with my sincere scent
More than the air I breathe

I hope that my wishes of smiling next to you every new morning

Will be able to come true

I'll wait for you

I'll never let go of your hands

Even if it's only tears

I'll wipe them away for you

Although we are not able to see the end

No matter how bumpy our road is

I'll promise you

Please be mine

As much as the sun that rises above you

I'll keep you safe as much as you've waited for me

With this glaring heart

All the dreams I've prayed for

They're going towards you with my sincere scent

More than the air I breathe

'I love you' 'You're the only one'

I want to yell those words out into the sky

Love you, my heart which feels like bursting is calling out to you

No matter how many times they find us

No matter if we can't breathe

Like those invisible flower-like smiles

Which shine just like the stars

I'll keep you safe beautifully

As much as the sun that rises above you

I'll keep you safe as much as you've waited for me

With this glaring heart

I love you

You're the most beautiful in this world

This dream-like heart

More than the air I breathe

__________

i wish i could say how much you mean to me. but it's too late, and i can't turn back time. i wish i had been a better person then. i wish i had been a better friend, i wish i had told you i could be your pillar of strength. if i had given you my shoulder at least once in the past, would things have been different? if i had told you how much i loved you, would you still be beside me today?

did i treasure you? did i take you for granted? was it because i was too stubborn that we fought? am i to blame? sometimes, i wonder why it's taking us so long to just let go. i keep telling myself that it's time to move on, but somehow...that just doesn't happen.

i wish for many things....

but i hope for only one.

# Love you, my heart which feels like bursting is calling out to you.

2008-09-22T12:24:00.000+08:00

i can't stand how pretentious you are, throwing yourself at people so you can attain popularity.

i can't stand how you think you're meant to be the centre of attention and actually expect it.

i can't stand how fake you are, with your nauseating smiles and empty words.

i hate how you think you're so fucking cute, with your irritating voice and disgusting actions.

i hate how you take people for granted and think you're so goddamn special that you should be everyone's best friend.

why the hell do you pull me into things that i obviously don't want to do?

and why the fuck would you take credit for something i did?

what am i supposed to say when you unload all your problems on me, and i think you're just being stupid and irrational. when you're just being a childish idiot, thinking you're in the right, when really, your issues are just plain dumb.

so what are my options. when i have a friend like you. someone i don't consider a friend. but you think i'm a great friend. or that we are friends cos there's nobody in the world who could hate you.

but why should i have to be friends with the girlfriend. when i'm trying to end it with the boyfriend. why should i have to hear about him every fucking time you call? i know everything there is to know already. so yes, he's bloody cute when he does this, or yes, that thing he does is irritating. i know it all. so shut the fuck up and leave me alone, bitch.

# hey hey you you i don't like your girlfriend. no way no way i think you need a new one.

2008-09-21T00:43:00.003+08:00

Nobody likes me

Everybody hates me

I'm gonna eat some worms

Long thin slimy ones

Short fat juicy ones

See how they wriggle and squirm

First you bite the head

Then you suck the blood

Then you throw the skin away

Down goes the first one

Down goes the second one

Look how they wriggle and squirm

Up comes the first one

Up comes the second one

See how they wriggle and squirm

Nobody likes me

Everybody hates me

Why did I eat those worms?

________________

stupid knncb customer. please die. and i hope you're buried in your own shit. cos you're so full of it anyway.

and i want e samsung omnia! so chio please. why so ex. i hope e price drops by e time my plan ends. which is not soon SIGHHHH.

# nobody likes me, everybody hates me.

2008-09-13T00:20:00.000+08:00

to sum up the past month. there were some birthdays, some projects, some skipping of lectures/tutorials, some laughter, some tears, some korean dramas and a LOT of music.

i must first talk about avril's BEST DAMN TOUR! gosh the opening band was AWFUL. i felt like strangling the lead singer and throwing my chair at her. bad enough that our seats kinda sucked.

BOOOOO. GET OFF THE STAGE LOUSY OPENING BAND. but what's this! AVRIL LAVIGNE FINALLY COMES ON!

AVRIL WAS AWESOME. she is the cutest person ever! i was like omg. so cute so cute so cute. totally made up for the shitty opening band haha. i managed to move somewhere near the front. but couldn't get that many good photos. should have borrowed someone's super zoom camera! haha.

so anyways just came back from kee onn's 21st! his cake was awesome! the giant 21 was bleeding though haha. but yummeh.

there was also claudine's 21st. it was at grand copthorne. gosh the food was yummy. the desserts were good. haha. it was awesome meeting up with the original camwhore og yo. and of course, we camwhored a lot as usual. haha. ah i miss you tailwind.

ok moving on. music always makes for a haps month. there was JAM AND HOP!

there weren't that many pple when we reached. not much publicity for it sadly. anyways the highlights of the night was electrico and the great spy experiment and the DJ at the end who played R&B music haha. the rest of the bands were ok. there was one where the lead singer looked like he was gg to have a heart attack while singing haha. and of course, there was a looooot of camwhoring!!

then there was a birthday celebration for august babies, hui jun and cheryl! we had it at fish and co glass house, the obvious choice. haha. they didn't sing their hoo-ha birthday song tho! so sad.

and of course right after that was ARTS BASH. delondry didn't win. but it was awesome fun nevertheless. though some people *cough*tricia*cough got drunk and comatose-d. and some people (ETHEL) got high AGAIN. haha.

THEEEEN. there was timbre festival! it was really good. the live bands were awesome. and i even found myself liking the blues band that played. the lead singer's voice was just woo.

then what's a musical month without some kbox yo. SING SING SING SING. more kbox please. i'm addicted to belting my lungs out to aerosmith and rocking out to good charlotte. yeah baby.

to end everything off. this is what i do in lecture. my self portrait.

2008-08-17T20:49:00.004+08:00

And she sits by the window,

In an old wooden chair,

Her eyes reflect a sadness,

Too many worries, with no one to care.

The room feels too empty,

And the crib is too bare,

And a lone tear runs down her face,

Thinking of the child that should be there.

The pain that she remembers too well,

As she watched his tiny body struggling,

A sad, yet relieved smile crosses her lips,

Knowing that as she looks up to the sky,

The child is finally free, happy there,

With God holding his little hand.

_____________________

# she buries a part of herself.

2008-08-16T14:16:00.002+08:00

ONE WORD. HOTNESS.

HOTNESS AMPLIFIED!

oh tracy! i miss jaejoong's pole dance with the mike stand more than junsu's hip thrust! but shiwon's sexiness makes up for it. hahaha. why are korean guys so yummy?! and why are their hips practically detachable from their upper body! i am now dead from excessive fangirling.

dbsk really should emulate super junior in accompanying every verse of their song with a hip swivel or hip thrust. if i were their manager, i would make it compulsory! though perhaps there may be more casualties along the way, consisting of fainting fangirls and death due to massive nosebleeds. but YUMMY!

# nothing comes close, but you're choosy, lover. sexy lady, UHHH.

2008-08-15T11:14:00.006+08:00

wowee amidst all the working and tuition, came one of the highlights of the 3 month break. OWEEK! seeing my taupoksters and having them as my freshie councillors was great. though some of them kena kope-d by their hall. booo. i had so much fun!

and because words can't express how much fun i had this oweek, let's let the pictures do the talking.

this was sentosa day! the crazy looking one with the tweez on her head was the best freshie in T house by the way. hahahha.

WAR GAMES! mega fun! we won ALL our games! how pro is that! hahahah.

AHHH my trident/teh-o freshies. how fast they grow up! still can't believe they're heading their own og now. *sobs*

OUR VERY OWN L-LU! hahahaha. i had to sacrifice my chupa chups. but oh well.

oh one of the 2 most important people in oweek! yong kang the photographer! who took many nice photos. but why oh why does he always wear such glam clothes while we're all looking so chui in our camp clothes!

the other important person in oweek! shane the other photographer! hahaha. of course, our og being the camwhore og made shane take a photo of us everytime we saw him. i think once when i was gonna ask him if he wanted to go out and eat with us, he actually auto took out his camera when he saw me approaching him. haven't even say anything! and i wasn't even gonna ask him to take a photo. hahahha.

oh my beloved TAWOWEE looking all nice and chic in their formal clothes for FIC! for once, ALL very glam!

dear leonard's birthday! ahhh i miss my trident lovelies!

TADAH HUAT AH!

# no pain no gain.

2008-07-22T21:58:00.002+08:00

ohmigosh! yayyyy! dbsk got 1st on the oricon weekly charts in japan! which is a mega huge deal cos they're the first non-japanese artistes in asia to ever get 1st position, 3 singles in a row! like TAWOWEE!! jaejoong looks wonderful as usual. watch the video! the story is so sad la. and e male actor is cute haha.

huzzah!

# why did i end up falling for you?

2008-07-11T22:03:00.005+08:00

so much has happened since my last post! many amazing wonderful very happening events! haha.

TOWKAY BBQ! as co-PD of this project, i am very proud to say it was really successful (despite there not being enough food, which is a first man) and everyone seemed to be having lots of fun. to my co-PD, juling, YAYYYYY. hahaha.

i watched hancock. it didn't really live up to my expectations...but it was ok. will smith was awesome as usual. haha. and after that a very exciting activity! KBOX! i've never been to kbox and i have to say my virgin experience was really fun. i think i'm gonna get hooked on it. haha. thank you ethel for introducing us to the wonderful world of off-key singing and westlife karaoke and stupid-loser-in-opposite-room-who-keeps-looking-into-our-room-and-even-stood-at-our-door-to-look-in!

AND OMG! tracy! they have rising sun! hahaha. the ORIGINAL mv! with your beloved changmin looking all cool in the middle of the dance floor. and my darling jaejoong looking all hot everywhere. we MUST go there one day to sing "i cry under my skin...blah blah blah blah" hahaha. they don't have choosey lover though. if not i'd play it over and over again to hear jaejoong go "sexy lady, uhhh". hahahaha.

and just two days later, even more fun with the taupoksters! first we went to kbox, where there was much camwhoring (led by josh, the closet F4 fanboy!) and a stupid china man working there who wanted to pick a fight with us but lost nyahaha. (it seems like everytime i go kbox there's some weird fella there ah haha)

then we went to my much loved mambo at zouk! gosh, it has been AGES since i went there. and gosh...

mambo. is. love.

i didn't realise how much i missed doing crazy mambo moves. tho favourite songs like bizarre love triangle and summer rain weren't played (i swear there's a THE in that line), it was still plenty of fun. and oh! the super adorable (and possibly gay, or maybe it's the other guy cos there was much skinship between the two, usually initiated by the other guy) guy on the mambo stage really had me cracking up most of the night with his super enthu-ness and his cuuute brace-y smile. hahaha. i lost count of the number of times i said "so cuuuteeee!" and "i wanna keep him in my pocket and bring him home!" yeah. haha. i think i need a pet.

much craziness throughout and the party didn't end at zouk, no no. me, juling and juni went to my place for some camwhoring and bitching. haha. and thus, the SuJuS were born! (Su as in sufi, JuS as in e 2 ju-people, JUling and JUni!) i dunno why but i'm a little mad right now. i just feel like rambling on and on and on about nothing at all. haha.

TAUPOK OEI! .....pok pok pok pok pok, pok pok! hahaha. sushi sushi sushi outing neeeexxxt. oh my chawanmushi. and salmon sushi. and softshell crab. and fried tofu. and more chawanmushi. wheee.

# i cry under my skin.

2008-07-02T23:36:00.002+08:00

Yes for you that place is here
Don't worry don't hesitate anymore
I will protect you

there are just some songs which really strike a chord deep within me. and some lyrics which just seem to resonate more than others. this song is amazing. one of the saddest songs with wonderful lyrics. kudos goes not only to my beloved DBSK boys who really brought the meaning of the song across with their powerful voices, but also to the songwriters whose creativity will never cease to amaze me.

i wish i could write like that. create a song that really emotes. if i write a song, i want listeners to think, yes, this is it. i love japanese/korean music and their beautiful lyrics. it sounds even nicer when you can't understand it, and later when you find the translation, it's just mind-blowing. hahahaha.

music. is. love. it's songs like these which make me wonder how my life would be like without music. and how much i deeply value music. and how much respect i have for songwriters, actually all artistes. i only hope to come into contact with such brilliance one day.

# like ice, the heart that is hugged slowly melts.

2008-07-01T01:23:00.003+08:00

It's all smiles and laughs

And words, and we joke around

Till suddenly, you stand

And it becomes an insult.

I just don't understand

Your thoughts, your actions

Do I look like I can read them?

Who am I, your conscience?

Do you even understand yourself?

Your thoughts, your actions

Who's looking at you in the mirror

Do you see yourself, do you see your reflection?

It's all smiles and laughs

Till somebody stands

Till somebody cries

And somehow, it all ends

___________________

my thoughts are all jumbled up right now. sometimes it takes years before you get to see a certain side of someone. and the side of you, i'm seeing...i hate it. if you're unhappy, say so. i can't fix anything if i don't know the situation. what are we? friends? strangers? enemies? acquaintances?

and they say girls are hard to figure out. guys are just as difficult to understand as any girl i know. you know how they say girls love communication. there's a reason for that. because we don't understand you. i'm not asking for you to pour your heart out to me. i'm not asking you to sit down with me and talk about your woes and cry together. all i want is a conversation. a simple way of clarifying things.

so either talk, or bugger off. cos i'm so sick of idiots right now.

# and i'm better off on my own.

2008-07-01T00:48:00.003+08:00

i'm filled with a deep sense of sadness, pride, happiness and regret. a great deal of emotions which culminated due to just one very special week. oh arts camp. you've always created lovely memories for me.

i'm way too lazy to blog about the entire camp. so i'll talk about the special last day. where my heart truly felt like it was going to burst from all the emotions i was feeling. it must be that last-day-of-camp thing, where you'll be saying goodbye to the people you've come to love as an og. and even though you'll be seeing them again, i don't know...it just feels really sad.

i was already tearing (yes, i do cry) when they were showing the video of arts camp. and it just got worse when the house ICs started making speeches. and started crying. i had to freaking bite my lip to stop myself from full out crying.

my very amazing og, TAUPOK. when they were playing that stupid emo song and we were all in a circle, wow, couldn't control it already. i didn't wanna say goodbye, and everytime i wiped e tears away, more would come. it didn't help that left and right there were people crying. gosh, looking through our pictures now really makes me wanna cry. haha.

and my very amazing past og, TRIDENT. seeing you guys as councillors when just last year you were my freshies. ohmigosh. fresh wave of tears. i'm so freaking proud of you guys. it's an overwhelming sense of happiness to see you guys leading your own og. it's amazing.

and it makes me think of my own og, when i was a freshie. TAILWIND. it's amazing how complete strangers can turn into such great friends.

# YOU GUYS ROCK.

2008-06-18T09:22:00.005+08:00

It ends with a hey

I'm tired, I'm busy

And you wonder

When you started

Making excuses

Making up reasons

So you could be alone

And when you started

Referring to him

As that guy

Or who are you talking about?

Or nothing

It ends with a hey

I'm tired, I'm busy

So goodbye

_________________________

arts camp is next week, and truthfully, i'm not feeling as excited as i thought i'd be. there's a lot on my mind, a lot i want to say, yet i find myself grasping for the words to express the jumbled up crap in my head. i just wish life were simpler, that people were easier to understand, that i could understand myself.

the long silences are awkward and uncomfortable. most of all, it's numbing. the laughter is forced, smiles are pasted on. it's not real, i don't feel the sincerity of my words, i don't feel anything genuine about my actions. all i feel is frustration and confusion. why am i here? why are we here? i don't get it. and i just want to run away from it all. it scares me that i don't want to come back.

maybe i just wanna stop thinking.

maybe i just don't know what i want.

but maybe. it's not you.

i'll just keep myself occupied with camp preparations. because being crazy is what i do best. i'll scream TAUPOKSTERS at the top of my lungs. and i'll drown out all the thoughts in my head.

i'll be insanely happy.

# we make up just to break up.

2008-05-31T01:32:00.005+08:00

well.....oh shit. there goes my chance to do honours. freaking shit bloody low CAP.

FUCK.

but on the brighter side, i went to night safari! but stillllll. the creatures of the night can't raise my CAP. shit.

BUUUUT. CLICK FIVE IS THIS SUNDAY! OH MY DARLING KYLE!

and i am so in love with this song. and the meaning behind it. oh jaejoong, i HEART you.

# everyday and night, with you, i tightly grasp your shaking hand.

2008-05-22T06:10:00.002+08:00

I AM OUT OF MY FUCKING MIND! MAN U WON! MAN U FREAKING WON! CHAMPIONS, BABY! KINGS OF THE WORLD! VAN DER SAR, YOU ARE GOLD!

AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. YESSAAAAAAAAAAAA.

2008-05-16T15:56:00.009+08:00

DAY THREE

and i'm back with more about the bangkok trip! i realise that day three is the day with the least photos. only 30ish. which is kinda sad. but understandable since we were all so busy shopping. haha. sooo we went to platinum fashion mall, which is a wholesale mall, so everything is fairly cheap. there were a lot a lot a looot of clothes. bought more tshirts, some accessories, etc. nothing much to say, really. there are only so many things to say about shopping. haha.

so after that, we decided to go watch a movie at MBK. ended up watching what happens in vegas, which i didn't really wanna watch since cameron diaz and ashton kutcher are in it. (i don't like them both by the way) but no choice since everyone was watching it. sigh. it was only 100 baht...so abt 4-5 dollars. aaaand i ended up sleeping halfway. hahahah. the seats were too comfy. and i didn't really care for the movie, so yeah. OH! before e movie right, we had to stand out of respect for the king, while they played this video about him. it's kinda cool how they love their king so much.

and that's all for day three. note to ethel : SIAAAAAAAOOOOOO.

DAY FOUR
I LOVE DAY FOUR! you know why? cos we didn't have to wake up early! hahahha. e rest of the days we had to wake up early to go shopping. but today was totally relaaaaks beb. woke up ard 10-11ish before heading over to MBK again to have lunch and watch another movie. mmm we had lunch at sizzler's and the food was great. and in huge quantities. haha. ordering one main course, we would get free flow of the salad bar, which had a LOT of stuff. and delicious cream of mushroom soup which i freaking loved. i think all of us ate till we wanted to puke. haha. but look at my food!

it's grilled chicken with crumbed shrimps. the chicken was yummy. the shrimps were okay only la. haha. so we watched a movie after that. tracy, ju and ethel watched speed racer, and the rest of us watched iron man. it was a freaking COOL movie. for anyone who hasn't watched it, please do. it's a must see!

the highlight of the day was our massage! me, zhiqi, tracy and ju went to this place called health land. ethel didn't go cos she didn't have any money and bryant didn't like the idea of strangers touching him. well, you missed out! it's SUCH a nice place and we were like how low class compared to everyone else in their suits and dresses. haha. a very classy place. we even had our own VIP room which had a TV but we didn't watch it cos we were either crying out in pain, or laughing, or relaxing. haha. a big PLUS was the price. it was like freaking cheap. 2 hours traditional thai massage was about 14-15 bucks? where can u get this type of prices in singapore man?!

ok so the massage was good and really turned my limbs into jelly. but when i reached home i realised i had blue blacks on my shoulders. i suppose the woman doing the massage was either really determined to work out the kinks or she was trying to kill me. haha.

soooo night number four was pretty special cos we celebrated our dear mommy's (very belated) bday. even though you don't give us allowance, or perform your motherly duties well, don't say we don't care for you like the proper filial children we are ah. appreciate it ah! and look how wonderful the card is. it's so pretty. (i made it by e way) one of a kind please! haha.

and sorry tracy, i just couldn't resist putting an unglam shot of you.hahahaha. at least it's one of the less unglam ones? (is it?) the cake was yummy! from swensens! mmm feel like eating ice cream now. haha. and that was the end of day four. and more importantly (sadly), the end of our trip. it was a pretty good way to end the trip, but sigh...i wish it didn't have to end so soon.

DAY FIVE

bye bye bangkok. day five, we headed over to the airport earlyearly in the morning cos our flight was at 8plus. it was fun while it lasted. did some mega shopping, mega eating, mega fun...all the prerequisites for a great holiday were fulfilled. it's kinda weird how exams were over just a week ago. and yet it feels so long ago. haha. well, finally finished blogging about this ultra memorable experience. so i shall now go and play xbox!

check out my buys! i couldn't fit all my purchases in the photo but oh well. I LOVE THE GIANT SPECS hahahha.

# i miss bangkok already. and the yummy fruit shakes. and the cheap everything.

2008-05-16T01:38:00.000+08:00

guess where i juz came back from?! bangkok! hahaha yesss sadly i'm back in singapore after 4 days and 4 nights of total FUN. i'm kinda pissed off i can't seem to upload photos on facebook, but oh well, i shall post some pics here then.

DAY ONE

soooo here's the bangkok gang! and i have to say, it's pretty funny how jovin's head just pops up a the back. haha. we met at e airport at 5am, all sleepy but excited. it's like...whoa! we're finally going after MONTHS of dreaming about it. hahaha. it's kinda sad it's all over now though. oh well.

i got the window seat! yay. it's so freaking cool to be above the clouds. i fell asleep for a while though. but oh well, at least i got some nice pictures of the sky. i remember, as a kid, i used to think the clouds were really made of cotton or something and that you could walk on it. how crushed i was to learn it was just water vapour and passing through one wouldn't bring you to a cloud island.

so we landed in bangkok about 2 hours later, so exciting. haha. and 300 baht later, we were at our hostel! it is crazy how CHEAP cabs are there. 300 baht is like 13 bucks? and e ride was maybe 45 min? here, we'd have to pay like maybe more than double for the same distance. oh my god! haha.

cozy bangkok is pretty nice place. there's no ensuite bathrooms but the shared bathrooms are clean, so it wasn't much of an issue. the place was a bit inaccessible and some taxi drivers didn't know where it was, but it's ok, we managed to find the place. it's a pretty good place to stay if you're going with friends, so i recommend it! our room was shared by all 5 girls, so there were 2 bunk beds and one extra mattress, even though in the end the extra mattress wasn't used because ETHEL (you scaredycat) was too scared to sleep alone. tsktsk.

soooo right after reaching, we changed clothes and went to chatuchak weekend market! it is a FANTASTIC place. which is veryvery hot. but so many things to buy! seriously. and everything is so cheap. t-shirts, bags, shoes, caps, blah blah...and everything can be bought for less than 1o bucks. it's MAD cheap. and OMG the fruit juices/shakes are to die for. e orange juice was so freaking yummy. and the mango shake was just heavenly. so was the watermelon. and the coconut. haha. one thing i realised bout this trip is that we drink a lot more than we eat. oh well. haha. yummy juice, i miss you already.

we spent maybe half the day there before going back to cozy to rest a bit and bathe. omg bathing never felt so good. haha. so sweaty after chatuchak la. lazed around a bit before heading over to MBK for dinner and to walkwalk. nothing much there really, cos everything seems so ex after going to chatuchak. BUT i bought a man U jersey! haha. this is my most expensive buy in bangkok! 500 baht please. but the aunty selling it was nice haha.

ok so theeeen at night we went to this night market. patpong? patapong? i forgot the name. oh well. it was near the red light district, with clubs like Honey Club haha. it was pretty overpriced so i didn't buy anything there. there were people at random points discreetly advertising porn dvds though. it was hilarious.

so that ends our 1st day in bangkok! it was awesome fun and like ethel would say, totally SICK.

DAY TWO

woke up bright and early (too bright and early) to spend yet another day at chatuchak. more shopping, more eating, more juice. me, ju and tracy ate at this yummy place and it was so cheap but so good. and the fruit shakes there seriously are heavenly. did i mention how GOOD they were? and how cheap? it's like 1 dollar plus? in singapore, you'd probably have to pay 5 or 6 bucks and it wouldn't be as yummy as the ones in bangkok. and i love mango salad. spicy mmm. it started raining in the afternoon though and the ground was all muddy and gross and my feet were freaking disgusting, covered in the gross water.

wow chatuchak really is one of the top places to go so make sure if you go to bangkok, a weekend is included in your trip! if not it'll be so wasted cos you'll miss out on chatuchak and all the cheap buys. open from 9am to 6pm by the way haha.

went back to drop all our buys and rest for a bit before going for SEAFOOD! after a long time waiting for it. haha. we ate at this place called somboon seafood and it was yummeh. we also celebrated mother's day there haha...but bryant was so stingy, don wanna treat his kids. haha. below's their version of chilli crab by the way. it was good but not spicy enough. haha.

theeen we went to this night market called suan lum (sun lam? suan lam? i dunno la) but the stuff there wasn't very interesting. saw a lot of souvenirs only. haha. and at sporadic moments, managed to catch the last man U EPL match at some shops which had TV. hah. and we won baby! woooooo.

ok we then went back to cozy where we proceeded to camwhore a bit before going to sleep. and that concludes day two!

this is a mega long post and i'm kinda lazy to continue now. haha. so till next time with days 3-5!

# oh did i mention man U won EPL? we are the champions, baby!

2008-05-02T10:36:00.004+08:00

there are 3 days to my next exam, 2 exams to go and 8 days to the bangkok trip. there are 470 posts in this blog, and i'm typing the 471st post. this blog has been alive for 4 years and counting (does it sound like i'm shutting it down?). the reason for this post? complete and utter boredom. and trying to avoid studying. and the realisation that this blog is 4 years old. haha. i was looking through my earliest posts and ohmygodwhatthehell, WHY do i sound so lian! all the "buBbyes" and "haHazz" and "lolz". how disturbing! and so many "..............". i'm about to puke at myself. ugh.

it's 10.47 now. and it's e earliest i've been awake since my last paper. most other days i'll still be sleeping till afternoon. haha. and why are there so many numbers in this post? maybe it's a sign to buy 4D. 1047. yep. now i'm just rambling. help me, i'm boreeed.

# wooo bangkok!

2008-04-13T15:52:00.002+08:00

ah it's been a long long while since i actually blogged. haha. exams are coming. in 16 days! and i haven't started studying. is that even surprising? the good thing is, i have only 3 exams to take this semester since 2 of my modules are non-examinable. the bad thing is, i'm going to have to get straight As to pull my CAP up if i'm ever going to do honours.

i've been feeling really tired these past few weeks. for the life of me, i can't sleep well. it takes me hours to sleep, and when i do sleep, most nights, i wake up at random times, for no reason at all. is there so much on my mind that i can't even get a full night's sleep? i don't think so...it's not like i'm being stressed out by anything. this really bites.

now though, i'm feeling a little stressed by my final project for one of my modules. i'm supposed to build something. i don't even know why i took an engine module. oh right. cos it fit my timetable. haha. i'm screwed though. there's actually a fair chance of me failing that module. which would fucking suck.

this week is gonna be a busy week. with an end-of-term test, a project and another assignment, i'm calling deep within myself for the will to actually do the necessary and not procrastinate. and with exams that i'm banking on to decide the future of my studies, my head is starting to hurt. and the reroofing works at my block is not helping. all the hammering and drilling is giving me a migraine. eeee.

on a brighter note, i think i have new tuition kids! which means ka-ching!

on a darker note, christy lee cook is STILL in american idol! how is that possible! witch, i tell you, witch!

# fly away, fly away, love.

2008-04-02T18:51:00.002+08:00

i'm pretty amazed by these videos. and kind of sad now.

2008-03-13T17:29:00.003+08:00

Was there more than just nerves behind 17-year-old DAVID ARCHULETA's shaky performance on last night's "American Idol"?

The early favorite was definitely off his game and even forgot several lines during his version of THE BEATLES' "We Can Work It Out." Sources are telling ET the singer may be feeling the pressure from his "stage father" JEFF ARCHULETA, who reportedly yelled at David during a recording session Monday.

Sources say Dad wasn't happy with his son's singing -- and even brought him to tears. Neither Jeff nor reps for "American Idol" would comment on the alleged incident.

Update: LYNN and ALEX, writers of entertainment blog www.laragmag.com tell ET that this may not be the first time Jeff has lost it -- they tell us that he was banned from the set of "Star Search" when a 12-year-old David competed on the program. The writers explain that there were rumors that Jeff had allegedly harassed a girl named TIFFANY who was David's competition in the contest.

___________from etonline.com

POOR DAVID! he's like only 17 or something and his dad is pushing him so hard. awww. no wonder his performance was affected. oh man since it was so bad yest, does this mean his dad is gonna lose it again? give him a break dad! he's only a teen. gosh, he's like britney's mom, always pushing the kid to the limit.

ON THE BRIGHTER SIDE........

DAVID HERNANDEZ IS OUT!!!! HAHAHAHAH yayyy!! obviously i'm not the only one who thinks he's irritating.

yay finally had all my midterms and whatever shit. cools. looking forward to saturday for cheries' party. gonna take lots and lots of pics. whee.

# work it out.

2008-03-07T19:49:00.003+08:00

NOOOOO. danny's out of american idol! how could that happen! pple of america why did you not vote enough for him. like hello. i can't believe there won't be anymore head snapping on AI! god, i so love his attitude and mannerisms. maaaan. this sucks. he was my one of my favourites too. sighh.

today's been a little crappy. and i was feeling kinda down. (the news about danny getting booted didn't help) i was in the car and saw how nice the clouds looked. so on a whim i decided to go to the park and look at clouds. haha. it really calmed me down some. it was a nice day and there weren't many people where i was, so it was really peaceful. i forgot how much i loved looking at clouds. and seeing what shapes they formed. haha.

and it made me realise how i never take the time to appreciate the things around me. the last time i juz lay down to look at clouds was.....gosh i can't even remember. it's the simple things that always get me thinking. that gives me the clear mind to think about things.

it's when you think everything is just moving so fast, and that you can't catch up. that you just wanna stop for a while. you just wanna lie down.

and breathe.

so note to self : more cloud gazing. haha. (by the way, i spotted a freaking cloud island in the sky. and there was a beeeeg bunny hopping towards it to crush it and all its fluffy inhabitants. and a crocodile was chasing after the bunny too.)

and sigh. american idol is on. goodbye danny bb.

# tainted love.

2008-03-06T23:43:00.002+08:00

i've watch two movies in this week alone. and i think i'm going for a third soon. how broke am i gonna be man. haha.

anyways please don't watch cj7. if you really want to watch it, go download it or something. it was a generally ok movie, but e ending was fucking weird. like serious. it was those HUH? endings. haha.

BUUUUT please catch LEAP YEARS. it's a lovely movie. wong li lin's so pretty and ananda everingham is just THE hotness. ooh *swoons*. the story's great...but it's something you'd expect since it was adapted from a catherine lim novel. and it really is nice. haha.

ooooh i'm glad thursday is over. done are my presentation and test for abnormal psych. it's been a pretty long day. which ended with dinner with some OG pple at munchie monkey's.

news of the day: a man got shot at an mrt station by a police officer. well, that's something that doesn't happen everyday. he was shot when he ran at the officer with a knife which he earlier used to kill another guy. when i first heard the news, i thought the guy got shot cos they officer thought he was mas selamat. and i was thinking too myself, WHAT. how sad is it that you die cos you look like somebody else? and i realised, it's a possible scenario.

but really the most eye catching part of the article about this (the eyewitness said this): The person was holding his chest, he went "Ahhhh", and then he fell down very loudly.

i find his description so....wow. haha. he went "Ahhh"? seriously? haha.

oh wells. i was looking at my list of events happening. and woweee. i'm looking forward to all of them. cherie's birthday, foodhunt (goooo cheese balls!), beach fiesta, camps. and of course the bangkok trip! wheee.

sometimes, it's shocking to see how small the world really is. you would never imagine that you would meet a certain person again under such circumstances. it's unbelievable sometimes the way the world works. hmm. so unbelievable i think i might just laugh.

# oh how did it come to this, my love?

2008-02-29T19:01:00.013+08:00

mmmm kanni chawanmushi is yummy. i lovelovelove it. me, ju, tracy, ethel, bryant and wenhui went to sakae yesterday for buffet. we ate a hell of a lot of food. so much so that we couldn't laugh without wanting to puke. haha. but mmm i love japanese food. what shall our next food outing be, friends? seafood? thai food (we'll be having e authentic thai food in 2 months, bangkok gang!)? indonesian food? mmm. stop thinking about food, sufi. see la now you're hungry. haha. i want ice kacang (how random). somebody buy for me.

took loads of pics as per usual. and i drove again! wheee. i love driving. like seriously. is it healthy to like driving so much? haha. went to ju's place to play mahjong after. and ended up staying until 6am even tho i said i wld go at 1 or 2 am. haha. OOPS. oh well. it's not like we do this everydayyyy.

well term break is almost over. and where has all the time gone? i feel like i've done NOTHING at all. and i'm becoming way too slack even by my own standards! tests are coming and i haven even read anything. i don even know WHAT tests are coming. haha how fucked up is that. sigh. wake up, sufi. it's time to get work done.

# go on girl. (neyo is such a sexy, fugly man)

2008-02-24T23:19:00.008+08:00

today i shall blog....because it's long overdue for a post. haha. aaaaand a great many things happened this week!

first off. happy birthday to the february babies. dee, tracy, sean, liza, adibah, suhaila and kak has, happy birthday! you're a year older!!! woweee.

so many. and the trouble with there being so many feb babies is that i'm now BROKE. but happy nonetheless, attending various parties. haha.

and how better to express this week than in pictures??

dee's bday celebration started out rocky but it turned out great. although leading a blindfolded dee to the surprise may have made me slightly deaf, it was still loads of fun. haha. hope you had a good 21st dee! (wait, of course you did. you were with me. nyahahhaa.)

tracy's 21st was uber fun! haha. not many pple followed the "bad taste" theme (even the host herself...only half half. i feel cheated) but evidently, mommy took it very seriously, earning himself the title of "King of Cui". haha with his lovely queen, heiz by his side, all will remain safely ugly in cui kingdom. and i even had the car! which made the day even more memorable. haha. wheee. met up with old mj friends...whom i've not seen in AGES. and it was fun. really really reminded of jc times and the spastic things we did. haha.

hope you had an AWESOME time tracy! and must use the presents ah! hahahaha.

ok so this week i had very little sleep. but to see the smiles on the faces of my friends, well, it was totally worth it. (how cheesy is that.) haha.

# it's the start of a year of 21st. where's the moolah for it?

2008-01-18T21:43:00.000+08:00

hello friends. it's been some time. i've been beside myself with laughter these past few days watching american idol. it remains one of my favourite reality shows. i embedded a few clips of the most memorable auditions.

this guy was so freaking funny. i've watched it several times and all i get is "rumble rumble rumble let my peopppleee goooo, rumble rumble go down moses rumble rumble, let my peoppplee gooo" haha.

and seriously. if you HAVEN'T seen the guy above...where have you been?!

altogether now!

"i am your brother, your best friend forever, singing the songs, the music that you likeeee."

HAHAHA. oh man so funny la how he's so in love with simon. which reminds me of that freakysupercreepy paula stalker. "if she were a bathtub, i'd cork her." like eww.

haha i love american idol. oh oh! the guy who went "girl say you have sexy face. i say thank you."...the egyptian (?) guy was damn funny. haha. and the princess leia freak. haha whatever man.

okays so let's seee what happened this past week. hmmm we had a chalet! at sentosa. the chalet resembles more of a sardine can. it's so tiny and there were like 14 of us. haha. really suffered the next day with no actual sleep. kept falling asleep! gahhh. and it was like on the first day of school too! haha weird timing and weird place. buuuut the company was good and we had fun la.

yesterday me and anna went to sakae for buffet. and we sat near timothy goh! haha annaaaaa you shld have stoop up and asked to take a picture. ah ok if u dunno who's timothy goh, he's this CNA newscaster (who i think is gay) la. anyway he kept looking over at us...i think he thought we were weird cos we were taking photos of the food and plates. haha.

ah not looking forward to school next week. i just wanna wake up late and do nothing. sighh. oh wells life sucks.

buuuuut....ONE MORE TIME!

"i am your brother, your best friend forever, singing the songs, the music that you likeeee."

wave your hands in the airrr!

# HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.

2008-01-07T19:15:00.000+08:00

it's a bit late but...HAPPY NEW YEAR! haha.

we welcomed the new year with loud music and bubbles over at clarke quay. yes, if u were there, and saw bubbles, that was courtesy of us! haha. that's probably the fun-nest new year's eve i've ever had. going around blowing bubbles. the bomb man! haha.

it's the bidding period once again and many like me are pulling out their hair at the stupidity of the CORS system. sigh. at least i got my psych modules preallocated. which is a surprise. haha.

worst new of the year so far. britney being taken to the hospital for a mental evaluation. i think britney's had a really bad few years. ever since k-fed, it's been all downhill for her. i think the only thing good in her life are her kids and she can't even see them. boo. and poor girl, it's pretty much confirmed that she has a mental problem. which brings me to the bigger issue. why is nobody giving her proper help?! and nooo i don mean dr. phil and his supposed intervention. a TV doctor is the LAST thing britney needs right now. like helloo, when i read the news about dr. phil and his plan to get britney on his show so he can "help" her, i was like wtf!! yeah sure, an hour on your show will make her life peachykins. fuck off you quack.

and why the fuck is EVERYBODY selling her out?! lynne spears you bitch. you'll agree to be on dr. phil's show but you won't even go down to LA to see your daughter who's just been considered a danger to herself and others? no wonder she's sick in the head. and no wonder jamie lynn's preggers.

come on, britney. you just need to get some help. away from the cameras. you can do it bb! i have faith in you! when you get all better, you can get your kids back from that money hungry dick of an ex-husband (who needs to be educated on protection, by the way...what's he doing? populating a country?)!

by the way, it's pretty scary how britney's hounded by so many paparazzi everyday. to the point that armed policemen have to be at her house to control the chaos.

anyways, love to juling! who let us come over for a new year party! and for mahjong on saturday! we shall meet again to play soon. love to other mahjong kakis, tracy, who fell asleep! ethel, who thinks everything is vulgar and rude! mommy bryant the freakshit!

# you want a piece of me.

2007-12-29T22:01:00.000+08:00

i'm so fucking pissed off that my hands are fucking shaking as i type. there's this emotion in me...i can't tell whether it's disappointment or resignation or hate. but i feel like screaming. or getting drunk. i don care which. i just wanna fucking forget for a second.

FUUUCK. that's what i wanna scream at you right now.

JUST FUCKING STOP. that's what i wanna tell you. because eventually you are gonna screw us over.

2007-12-23T22:14:00.000+08:00

i just came home from JB! that's twice in three days i've been there now. haha. on friday, when i went we were supposed to watch enchanted at this shopping centre called tebrau city. but wtf. e cinema had a blackout. hahahaha. of all the times! so we went to watch at city square instead. pple, you will not believe how CHEAP tix are there! weekends it's only 10 ringgit. wednesdays it's like 6 ringgit. like wow! haha. and do you know I AM LEGEND opened like on e 21st in m'sia? and it's only gonna open on christmas in s'pore? sad.

oh oh! we were at woodlands checkpoint when i noticed it seemed like the glass of the windows of e car in front of us was broken. i thought it was my eyes playing tricks but i overheard the driver telling the policeman there that someone broke into his car! so freaking suay! his front windshield and the back were like totally smashed. bits and pieces of glass were still on the car. it was a nissan sunny i think and it looked old. so pple, if you think your car is safe in JB just cos it looks like crap, think twice!

shocking WTF news of the week: jamie lynn spears is pregnant?! like GTFO! and at 16 too! seriously maaaan. was it inevitable seeing how sis britney turned out? maybe mommy spears decision to keep them in the spotlight has affected their mental state. tsk.

go catch I AM LEGEND when it comes out! it's fantastic. a little short though, in my opinion. maybe cos i love will smith so much. haha. he's da bomb.

oh and merry christmas in advance! and happy belated hari raya haji!

# we wish you a merry christmas.

2007-12-17T21:14:00.000+08:00

yay hady's the asian idol. haha completely unexpected but yes, it happened! wooo. go singapore.

and even better, man u won against liverpool! go tevez! i almost chewed my fingers off during e first half, cos liverpool almost scored like a gazillion times in e span of 15 seconds. scary shit. but yessaaaa, we won! unfortunately arsenal won their match against chelsea so they're one point ahead of us. nvm add oil add oil man u!

ahhh today's e start of the taxi fare hikes. damn if only i drove...transport after clubbing wouldn't be a hassle. looks like we'll have to stay at zouk until the first train comes. wahaha.

i'm watching 'i propose' where they show how guys propose to their gfs. it's a half hour show...and in e past 20 min, e guy cried like twice. haha but he's so sweet. for his proposal, he hired a freaking yacht, a limo and bought a ring with a huuuge diamond. oops let's make that 3 times he cried. oh man this is so freaking sweet. he's barely able to propose cos he's crying so much. how touching. haha.

wow he's like a nervous wreck and it's just e proposing part. i wonder what's gonna happen when they actually get married. or when they have their first kid! he'll probably faint. or go into a coma. haha.

okie dokes. i shall go play some games. i just bought 'land of the dead' and the zombies are kicking my ass! argh!

and awww hady's crying on e news. don't cry, bb. (too much ONTD)

# for all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took.

2007-12-16T17:40:00.000+08:00

i found this on youtube. and it's so freaking sad. i actually cried when i watched it.

Turn away,
If you could get me a drink
Of water cause my lips are chapped and faded
Call my aunt Marie
Help her gather all my things
and bury me
in all my favorite colors,
my sisters and my brothers, still,
I will not kiss you,
cause the hardest part of this,
is leaving you.

Now turn away,
cause I'm awful just to see
cause all my hair's abandoned all my body,
Oh, my agony,
know that I will never marry,
Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo
but counting down the days to go.

It just ain't living
And I just hope you know
That if you say (if you say)
Goodbye today (goodbye today)
I'd ask you to be true (cause I'd ask you to be true)
Cause the hardest part of this
Is leaving you...

Cause the hardest part of this
Is leaving you...

_________________________

# my chemical romance.

2007-12-15T13:23:00.000+08:00

I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday.

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

I am the man who fears that I will never be able to be myself, to be free of this secret because I won’t risk losing my family and friends.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

_______________

i found this somewhere. and it was really sad. stop the hating.

sleepover was fun! yo tracy, i skipped a coupla grades. i'm a genius. shhh.

# do you know what they do to guys like us in prison?

2007-12-12T13:29:00.000+08:00

it's the afternoon. it's raining non stop. my knuckles are freaking bruised from punching some mosher last night. i didn't think i punched THAT hard. oh and yes, there was a piece of glass stuck in my toe. i just realised it was there before i went to sleep. so the numbing pain in my toe wasn't cos i was jumping too much after all. it was cos of the stupid glass. which prob came from the concert. though i do not know why there is glass there.

so i'm at work. and stoning. my neck is aching. and i can't walk properly (ironically, as promised by gerard).

...ahhh i wish i could go back to yesterday.

# cos the hardest part of this is leaving you.

2007-12-12T00:00:00.000+08:00

HOLY SHIT.

the MCR concert was fucking awesome. when the first beats of the drums came, it was a sign to go wild, and yes, everyone did. the first two songs were so bloody chaotic cos everyone was pushing and shoving. and falling and fainting. i think a lot of pple in e front thought it was too rowdy and left. whatever. more space for us. haha. but it was pretty violent la. apparently, some guy thought i was gonna faint, cos he asked tracy if i was gonna pass out soon. haha. BUT after that, it was FANTASTIC. i thought i was gonna have a heart attack from all the screaming and jumping, but hooray i lived long enough to watch the entire concert.

me and tracy reached e place around 5plus. and ate. den queued up. e queue was freaking long. and very messy. pple were cutting all over the place. there were a bunch of whiny girls behind us. unfortunately one was from cedar. which is so sad...cos she's giving a bad name to my beloved secondary sch. whine whine and whine. SLAP.

den there was this bunch of psychotic ang moh girls who looked like they were in pri sch, who started singing backstreet boys songs. and then one of them noticed that my t-shirt had eminem on it. and she actually moved my hair so everyone could see. wow. freaky.

some memorable things from the concert (besides MCR duh) : 'korean' guys(who just looked korean, but nowhere near the hotness that is hyun bin, they were more towards the ugly spectrum of bae young joon), who became our steamrollers in pushing to the front. ang moh guys who were surrounding me who took off their t shirts (but did not have nice bods, just very sweaty). also the circle of 'friendship' as i have come to dub it. it was seen in all rock concerts i've been to...the circle which inevitably forms and boys start fighting while dancing (there's a name for this?). AND the condom balloons that were floating around before MCR came on stage, blown by some mat, no doubt. who wasted like 10 bucks (how much does a box of condoms cost?) and all his many sized condoms.

the show itself was amazing. totally fucking awesome. they played my favourite! 'cancer'! i recorded some of it on my handphone. but e sound is shit. ah what else to expect. STILL, to have been there. freaking cool. and of course they sang lots more from black parade. and three cheers. and there was this one unreleased track. i think it was called 'falling down'. so nice. i shall try to find it. ah screamed so much. tomorrow i will have no voice. it was 97 bucks. but it was worth every cent. and worth every drop of sweat of someone else's that landed on me.

i have work tomorrow. which is such a buzzkill. the sound of silence is ringing in my ears now. like post-clubbing effects, except multiplied by a hundred. ahhh. i can't stop thinking about the concert. fan-fucking-tastic.

...and gerard said : we're gonna fuck you till you can't walk tomorrow.

oh yes, please do.

# famous last words.

2007-12-08T20:06:00.000+08:00

i've been dreaming of a true love's kiss...

ladeedum. ohmigosh, enchanted was so nice. i love mcdreamy and prince edward. haha. it is a total must watch if you haven't watched it. laughed the entire time. loved it.

yay exams are over. it's the holidays. but i'm gg to start work again soon. booo. but yippee for the money! haha.

watched golden compass too. it was ok la. haha those narnia type shows. not much action. but e last part was WOW. had me at the edge of my seat. and heartbreak kid. haha it's not that funny but ok la. i am gonna watch all the movies and tv shows that i missed out on. haha.

enchanted has made me wanna watch all the disney shows again. so i will go watch cinderella! haha.

2007-11-28T22:55:00.001+08:00

YESSA. sisely is out of the next PCD. yes i watch it la. shh. i love asia. and melissa s. and melissa r. and chelsea. the other two, i don mind them. haha. wow getting so exciting. down to the final 6.

i have an exam tmr! my second paper. nus is freaking slow. friends at ntu are already chilling out. and cutting hair. and shopping. no fair.

ate manymany cheese fries today. cos me and anna went to study at simei banquet. or sort of studied. haha most of the time we were laughing over stupid things, me more than her, i dunno why but i found everything funny. and planning her 21st. haha.

ok i shall attempt to read over ss notes. and switch off the tv. oh no! miami ink.

2007-11-27T18:00:00.001+08:00

i have a toothache. and it fucking HURTS. i can't even chew properly. and have been reduced to eating porridge. and my jaw is swollen.

people keep telling me to go the dentist. but i'm pretty sure the dentist will accidentally poke a blood vessel in my mouth and blood will start gushing out. after which i will proceed to die from blood loss or from choking on my blood, whichever comes first. so no, i will not take the risk.

2007-11-25T14:37:00.000+08:00

stab me now please. the worst has happened.

no, not exams. i'm pretty sure i'm doomed for that anyways so i have accepted it.

it happened.

man u. LOST. to. BOLTON!

OH MY GOD. WHAT THE FUCK.

i'm gg to study now. with a broken heart and an empty spirit. come back rooney.

2007-11-23T16:30:00.000+08:00

it's 4.30pm. my first exam, and probably the most difficult to me, is starting in 21 and a half hours. it kind of sucks that my paper is on a saturday...but oh well, whatever.

it's been a weird week. i'd like to believe everything will be alright next week, but it'd be better to not delude myself. preparations for exams are actually a blessing this week...it takes my mind off things, off the fighting, off the issues that seem to be clouding my mind lately. for once, i can say i want to do nothing more but study.

yesterday was spent rolling around on the floor, literally. my tummy was in such pain, it felt like there was someone poking a hot rod from inside it. went to the doctor on the insistence of my mom, and i found out i had stomach flu. plus there might be a problem with my appendix. which means if i don't get better in e next few days, it's off to the A&E with me.

ya right. as if i'll miss stats to get cut open. nothankyou. e medicine is making me damn sleepy though. which sucks. cos all e words in my textbook are blurry. blah. i shall continue studying now. would you like to know about linear regression? i think not.

let's just say happy birthday to irda. and danial, happy belated.

countdown. 1 day.

# ouch.

2007-11-20T20:34:00.000+08:00

I think I'm drowning
Asphyxiated
I want to break the spell
That you've created

You're something beautiful
A contradiction
I wanna play the game
I want the friction

You
Will be the death of me
Yeah, you
Will be the death of me

Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

But our time is running out
But our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out

I wanted freedom
Bound and restricted
I tried to give you up
But I'm addicted

Now that you know I'm trapped
Sense of elation
You'd never dream of
Breaking this fixation

You
Will squeeze the life out of me

Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

But our time is running out
But our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out

How did it come to this?

Ooh ooh ooh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Ooh ooh ooh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Ooh ooh ooh yeah yeah no no nooo

Yeah, you
Will suck the life out of me

Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

But our time is running out
But our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out

How did it come to this?

Ooh ooh ooh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Ooh ooh ooh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Ooh ooh ooh yeah yeah no no nooo

- Muse

_________________________

sometimes you find a perfect song that describes a certain moment. and this song has been on replay the entire day. it reminds me how little time i have left to my first paper. haha. such an apt song, cue the impending doom.

countdown. 4 days.

on a brighter note. happy birthday to cindy, and happy belated bday to theodora and beng. =]

# time IS running out.

2007-11-18T20:36:00.000+08:00

it's done. it's happened. i'm 20. haha. no more teasing friends about them being old. now that i'm not 19 anymore. haha. thanks to all my lovely friends for your well wishes. thanks to my family and relatives for throwing a party for me! haha.

when i was a kid, birthdays used to be about presents and cakes and parties. now when i turn a year older, i think about the person i am, the person i was, the person i've become. the person i want to be. i wonder if i've lived up to the expectations of the people i love, if i've disappointed them...or if i've made them proud. mostly i think about my mommy and how she carried me in her for 9 months, how she nurtured me from an egg to this 20 year old. and i wonder what i'm doing to make her life good. and i realise...nothing. absolutely nothing.

i just exist. for 20 years, i've just existed and depended. i haven't contributed to making her life more comfortable. i've taken and i've received. but what have i given to her? people always say the chance for a child to take care of a parent comes when he/she has grown up, starts working, gotten married. so does that mean the only way i can make her life better is when i have the money to do so? whatever happened to that concept of 'little things' which can put a smile on a person's face? sincerity, love, being filial. it's just not enough.

sometimes i feel my view of life is so jaded. but sometimes, it's just true. ultimately, it's not how much i love my mother that matters. it's the 5 room HDB flat i can buy to provide a home for her. it's not how my jokes can make her laugh. it's the food i can put on the table. ultimately, it's not love that keeps you from going hungry. it's money.

after all, money makes the world go round. no matter how much people want to believe otherwise. but maybe it's that hope that there's something better than the superficiality of our lives that keeps us surviving in this materialistic world. i don't know. i don't know what to think anymore.

i just know that i have exams in less than a week. and i haven't started studying. and that i'm 20 and practically an adult. but what have i done to make a difference?

# happy birthday to me.

2007-11-16T23:03:00.000+08:00

to celebrate anna's first day out after being stuck at home with chicken pox, we went out on wednesday. ah civilisation. my favourite moment : finding wally. haha. we went to popular and stood at the bookshelf until we found wally and friends in all the pages of book 1. i am so getting the entire series! plus dr. seuss books. plus roald dahl books. definitely some of the nicest books i've ever read. haha.

today was the last day of school. reading week starts. exams are in a week. sighhhh. we finally handed up our stats report, marking the end of any projects for this year. big thanks to yenmei who compiled and edited everything. seriously wow job woman. haha. and thanks for the cheesecake on wed too! so yummyyy.

today is also my mommy's birthday! well at least another 50 minutes left. which means i'll be 20 in another 50 minutes! old. ancient. i'm no more in my tens. i'm in the twenties. eeeeh. anyways i've always thought it was really cool that my mom's bday is the day before mine. haha. maybe she partied too much in 1987. and i popped out. haha. whatever.

my stats group above (minus one). same pose. except for anna, who had a blur moment and din noe we were doing any pose. haha. anyways anna! thanks for the present! i shall look at it everyday. especially amanda bynes. my second true love if i were a guy. haha.

2007-11-13T00:59:00.000+08:00

i drove today. after many many months of not touching the steering wheel. it was fantastic.

there's really a sense of freedom and liberation. from all the troubles and stress of exams, bad relationships. everything that's bad in life, for that 15 minutes when i drive, it's all forgotten. it's just me and the road. for once i can control something..this machine, this car. unlike many things in my life, i am actually in charge. turn left, the car will turn left.

and yet, control can be lost so easily. an accident. a breakdown. the traffic lights. having to have a certain air pressure in the tyres. even when you think you control something, it's not complete. and when i think deeper into it, it's not just me and the road. it's me, the road, the people in the car, the lives i'm responsible for. one wrong turn may end in disaster. and yet, as i speed down the expressway, these factors do not worry me. i see the road, i hear the engine. when it gets too loud, i change gears accordingly. my hands move automatically.

i can forget everything. but when that car stops, thoughts just flood my mind again. how many days left to the exams. what words you'll say to hurt me. why i feel that sometimes my existence is meaningless..that i'm just this one little person in this big world who'll never make a difference.

but for those 15 minutes, it's just me and the road. nothing more, nothing less.

2007-11-11T15:14:00.000+08:00

haha sunnyyyy. fine. here's our family photooooo. i was tempted to put makeup on mommy but i don think he'll appreciate it much. haha. (juz imagine ok.hahahha.) johnny, next time u must join us for the family outings!

man u VS. blackburn tonight. 1055pm. i think. cools. rock on man u.

and today's nov 11th.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ETHEL!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEILING!

2007-11-10T16:53:00.001+08:00

there's a reason why there are stickers on my face. i'm not a nutcase or anything. oh well i guess i am. haha. what was supposed to be a day celebrating teekay and ethel's bdays turned out to be a celebration for mine as well! haha. i was really surprised la. cos my bday isn't even this week. it's next week. haha what the hell. i was only supposed to stall teekay and ethel so the rest could set up the celebration. but in the end, when we reached the place, i kena sabo-ed!

though it was kind of embarassing, it was pretty fun. the three of us had to go through a series of tasks, very much a reminder of oweek. ohmigosh. one of them was that we had to somehow make a potato chip fall into our mouth from our foreheads la. so difficult. haha. lots of spinning with a pole, skipping, maths problems which i could not solve, obviously. haha. probably one of the more whackier bday celebrations i've had.

so this is before the celebration.

and this is after. i think it's a good look. hahahahaha.

so thanks arts club gang. you really made my day.

went for dinner with ju, bryant/mommy, anhong and many after that. at botak jones. the food is yummy. we ate the burger. the patty is so thick and greasy and fattening. mmm. haha. after that me, ju and mommy were supposed to go to tamp to watch stardust. buuut. no more good seats left. so we went to cartel to eat cakes. and i'm so sorry i got the bus timings mixed up mommy. i really thought e last bus was at 2359 hours. haha. so in the end, we went to watch the midnight movie. wheee. stardust is nice! claire danes is prettyyyy.

and why i'm calling bryant mommy? haha. it's a long story. but he is one. to us brothers, frankie, sunny and johnny. it's ok. only a select three people know what i'm talking about, myself included. haha. we're one big happy family! who likes playing psp. at which mommy sucks at. tsktsktsk.

oh YA. on the topic of PSPs. i got one! i'm so happpyyyyyy. all in all, the how many days of this month that has passed has been awesome. (minus the deadlines and papers and projects and shit) celebrating bdays of babies born in november, buying stuffs, it has been great.

and today's nov 10th. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAK IDA! there's way too many kids born in november. haha. oh well. fun-ness.

# another day, another birthday to celebrate.

2007-10-31T21:38:00.000+08:00

"Cleaners found the baby in a rubbish cart this morning".

WHAT THE FUCK. a newborn baby boy was dumped in a rubbish cart at havelock road. that is fucked up. really really. i don understand how people can do that. they must be seriously ill in the head. mothers who get rid of their children like that...i have no respect for them. maybe they have their reasons. maybe they have post natal depression or whatever the fuck it is. but i just can't find it in myself to have pity or understanding for them.

abortion is one thing...it's something i'm against but understand. not being able to provide for the child, or whatever reasons a person may have, abortion may be the only choice they have. why try raising a child if you know you can't? don't bring a child into a life of misery. but dumping your child like that? even if the child is dead before, doesn't he or she deserve a proper burial?
ah i'm getting really depressed cos of this. but gosh thank god my mom gave me a chance to live. it's only because of her that i'm here right now, blogging. for that, she is my most important person.

oh. he is TOO cute.

2007-10-28T01:07:00.000+08:00

it's been a while. i've been busy with meeting deadlines most of the time. and trying to study. but i have to say i have no perseverance at all. i'm a procrastinator and i know it, but i'm not doing anything about it. sometimes, i feel like a complete idiot, and i wonder what the fuck am i doing in uni. and how the hell did i get in? and why am i still here if all i'm going to do is skip lectures and tutorials and waste money? i know it's stupid and i should change, but i just don't. i'm a slacker, i know that. but sometimes i think it's seriously fucked up. i'm fucked up.

i'm tired. and there's a lot on my mind. and i'm being all emotional and shit. i have no idea why. when in fact i had a really great day. arts open, band concert, dinner, a match where man u scored 4 goals for the 4th match in a row. and remains undefeated for the 8th match in a row. booyah. but when i reached home after, i just sat down for a moment, and and these thoughts just bombarded my mind all of a sudden. i feel like throwing something. or screaming.

i'm just feeling really really frustrated.

just....

fuck.

2007-10-09T05:21:00.000+08:00

it's 5.25am and i'm in the arts clubrm, trying to study. haha. stats test is on wednesday and truth be told, i've never felt so stressed about a test in my entire life. i'm really worried about this test...and thus, i'm staying up to study. why i'm in the clubroom? we had a small bday party for all the october babies juz now. so i decided to stay here. haha. sleeping here is kinda nice. it makes me warm that we have a sort of second home and that we're all comfortable enough with each other to share the small space. haha. and even though it's stuffy, and smells really weird, it's still cozy.

speaking of cozy, i think that's what a home should be. or a room at least. i don't particularly find my house a cozy place, but my room...i love it. it's kind of like a pair of well-worn jeans i guess. it's been worn and washed a lot of times, so it's softer and really comfy. haha. so my room is like that. it's pair of well-worn jeans.

and why am i blogging when i'm supposed to be studying? i dunno. i juz needed a break i guess. the numbers are tough. but i think i'll manage. i juz hafta pull through. haha. ok i shall get back to studying.

# stats. stats. stats. stats. i'm flatlining.

2007-09-28T23:27:00.000+08:00

ahhhh. term break is ending! =[ sucks man. time flew by so fast. i'm pretty sure when i went to sleep yesterday, it was still monday. haha. nonsense la...the term break is tooo short. and crap. what happened to my plan to study during the break. it never materialised. shits. will have to spend the weekend rushing out homework and project stuffs. and what kinda crappy break was this? i was supposed to catch up on sleep but i barely slept all week. what the hell have i been doing sia....haha.

anyways my week wasn't totally wasted. not in the academic sense though. haha. monday i went to work as per usual. and it was boring as per usual. haha. tuesday went to airport to send shushu off! gosh she's finally in UK! how's the weather woman? sigh i'm so jealous ur there. and i'm stuck here. haha.

...because we're just mad. haha.

wednesday i had project meeting. my groupmates are nice. haha. nice to bitch with too. coolness.
thursday i went to work. and was freaking stoned sia. so damn sleepy that i fell asleep countless times. and e work is seriously boring. i dunno how my bosses do it day in day out. gah. but after that it was the arts club thank you dinner thingy at excelsior. seriously, what can i say about it? the ocomm was gathered once again, plus other arts club people. and when we're together, what else ensues but camwhoring and a damn good time? haha. somehow i managed to take 123 pictures in the span of like 3-4 hours? dunno how come got so many but who cares? the more pictures there are, the better to cement the memories it is.

the speeches were long. the food was ok. the fried rice was nice. the fruit tarts were yummy. and everyone looked so nice in formal/not so formal wear. and of course camera flashes were going off everywhere. i managed to take a photo with everyone i think, be it individual shots or group shots. haha. yippee. and oh oh! everyone even got this award for helping out with arts club activities. cool la. haha.

so above is Oweek Ocomm people. what a fine looking bunch we are. haha.

and this a picture of the easties!!! NORTH, SOUTH, EAST, WEST, WHO'S THE BEST? EAST, EAST, EASTIES IS THE BEST! woooo. ok except for the super extra girl at e left of the picture. who is a westie. and does not belong. at all. hahahaha.

and here's all the T house people in arts club! cool ah! so many of us. we rock man. wooo.

so today i went out with dee and anu. louise and nadiah was supposed to come too. but they pangseh! haha. nvm another day we MUST meet up. actually supposed to eat at arab st but wahlau every shop was packed. stupid. haha. so we went to eat at swensens at bugis junction instead. hhaha. and of course. we took photooossss.

my best friends. who can't remember when my birthday is. tsktsktsk. haha.

# rocking week. sort of.

2007-09-24T01:06:00.000+08:00

2-0. to manchester united. i realised i haven been putting soccer updates on e blog for a really long time. wow. u'd almost think i wasn't a soccer fan at all. haha. but it was a really good match. from gigg's cross to ferdinand's defending...woo. really had me at the edge of my seat. can't believe we had 11 shots on target but never scored in the first half, and only did so at the very last minute. juz amazing. and e second half it was the same situation, scoring at e last minute that is, due to a penalty.

but i really gotta salute chelsea's goalie, cech. he's really competent and wow, seriously admire him sia. i think goalie is prob e toughest positions on field. gotta work well under pressure man. woo. kudos! even though i'm not a chelsea fan, i hope they work out e whole club manager fiasco...cos it's really affecting their playing. such a lacklustre performance just now.

yeah. ok. i haf work early in e morning tmrw...later i mean. and i can't sleep! e match has me slightly high. help!

# 2-0. add oil man u!

2007-09-21T23:12:00.000+08:00

hello world! it's a beautiful friday night. and i am in a goood mood. why u ask? because it's been a good week! haha. let's start with last friday...

met up with some jc friends cos beloved shushu is gg overseas for studies! shu i am so gonna miss you! went to bakerzin for dinner and had yummy seafood spaghetti, which was totally filling. buuuut all of us couldn't resist gg to cafe cartel later for the cakes (which were half price off!). haha. it was awesome catching up with old friends. and gosh i never realised how much bitching we did back in jc until i met them that day. you know how you bitch about something and you know how it's bad and how you shld feel guilty? well, it was at the back of my mind...but gosh it's just so fuuun doing it with them. haha.

wish we cld have stayed longer but oh well...had fun nonetheless! haha. and here we are below. shu's in e middle. e girl behind e guy in e black t shirt. haha.

ok den. saturday we had an ocomm dinner and oh wow! so many pple showed up and truthfully speaking, it really struck a chord in my heart (shh let me be a little mushy) cos it's so rare to see the whole gang together. sure some of us have lunch together and i see some a lot...but it's been a really long time since we actually sat down together as one ocomm. and brought back lots of memories from camp. of course the mandatory camwhoring took place. haha. it was fun though the restaurant closed so early. but yeah it was great while it lasted.

sunday was supposed to be the day i met my og for birthday celebrations but sorry gang! haha. mommy didn't let me. =[ buuut i did meet some of them last tuesday for a short while. which rocked. even though it was just a short while, at least i still managed to. it always makes me happy to bump into my freshies in school. and estatic when they call my name and say hi cos they actually remember me. yippee. haha. and it's good they say hi first, cos sometimes i juz walk through the corridors stoned and paying no attention to anyone. haha.

monday was work. so nothing interesting there. i fell asleep again. which is pretty dangerous. since they cld come catch me anytime. tsk.

tuesday! met theo and oscar since he POP-ped recently. and he's botak. haha. supposed to be 5 of us but fariza and ama couldn't make so it was us three again, like old times! haha. watched premonition before gg to mind cafe and it was a bit weird at first, since we hadn't met for so long. but after a while, it was great...it was back to fooling around and insulting each other. haha.

playing the games at the cafe was actually very fun. especially cos some of the games were kind of retarded and made us LOOK retarded. haha. but seriously must go there with more pple next time and make more noise den dat stupid noisy bunch, right dodo?!

so wednesday, thursday nothing special. buuut! today!!!! i saw CHRIS DAUGHTRY! whoopee! haha daughtry came to singapore for a showcase which i couldn't go for cos i couldn't get tix. buuuut. saw them today cos they were at heeren for an autograph session.

lots of pple were blocking them buuut at least chris daughtry was sitting near us. woohoo. he's cute la. and e picture isn't very clear cos i took it with my phone. buuut anna! send me the pics soon. haha. here i must give a shoutout to nus radio pulze cos if they didn't announce the daughtry signing on ivle, we would have never known, and i would have missed this once in a lifetime opportunity! so yay. haha. they didn't stay long and not a lot of pple were there cos there wasn't much publicity about it. but that's awesome for us. cos there wouldn't be a giant mob. woohooo.

so if i had to sum up this week in a word it would be supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! just realised how many outings consisted of meeting up with old friends and catching up with great groups of pple. really uplifts e spirit when you know you have such awesome friends, cos friendship is a concept pple tend to take for granted. i always wonder what it would be like if i were all alone, with no one to talk to, laugh with, cry with, bitch with. haha. it would be a miserable life i think. and i really do thank God i have friends around me to brighten up my otherwise mundane life. so yes. we'll be getting busy soon with demands of school and such, but yay for the time we set aside to meet friends...because seriously, what else do you go to school for?

....besides getting an education. whatever. haha.

# friendship can be likened to the slogan for pringles: once you start, you can't stop.

2007-09-11T23:18:00.000+08:00

ooh it's been some time since my last post. (wat's new?) well! i've done lots since den! tutorials have started. i got a new job. and i managed to squeeze in a holiday in all the havoc-ness that is my life. yes! i juz went to kl...came back on sunday evening. it was filled with shopping, eating and more shopping. haha. gosh stuff there is so cheap. i love it. anyone wanna go kl? haha.

i bought shoes, slippers, clothes, and many random things that i probably don need but buy anyway. and kl is awesome la. so much livelier than singapore. at like midnight, lots of shops are still open, pple are still walking around. here, the only places that show any signs of life are clubs and pubs. and 24 hour kopitiams. haha.

didn't take many pictures. not like we went sightseeing or anything. spent most of the few days juz taking advantage of the exchange rate. haha. went to sungei wang plaza, which was near my hotel (which was in bukit bintang, and it's the shopping district, so if u ever wanna go to kl, book a hotel in the bukit bintang or golden triangle area), chinatown, bb plaza, lot 10, blah blah. haha. and of course we ate lots. e chicken rice at this nasi lemak stall was AWESOME! funfunfun.

OH OH! there were fireworks on fri and sat nite! BUT! i could only see e reflection of two buildings in front of e hotel, cos e room was facing e other way. so saaad. like so near yet so far. haha. oh well.

let's see. tutorials have been ok i guess. already i've skipped three. tsktsktsk. and to think my last post, may i quote:

"i will no longer skip lectures. or tutorials. and i will do my readings. and study when i have the time. really. promise. really."

since that day, i've skipped at least three lectures (i'm being positive), and three tutorials. and i've done only one reading. which was essential for tutorial. and i haven't studied at all. so obviously, promises were meant to be broken. haha.

but seriously, it's time to buck up! go study sufi! it was all so easy in the past when my mommy would nag at me to pick up my books and force me to stick my head in them. haha. though half the time i wouldn't listen, at least there was still the other half. sighh.

in other news! i have a new job. i had to quit my old one to do this one. which is kinda sad. cos i'll actually miss (some) people there. yes you're one of them kak has. haha. don worry! i'll go to the library often nowadays. to study! anyways my new job is 2 days a week...my free days. haha. it's a full day job. and kind of boring. cos i'm staring at numbers the whole day. which sucks. but oh well. i'll endure a fried brain for the money. i guess. haha.

fasting mth is starting soon. thursday actually. sigh. so fast. but i will endure as i do every year. haha. buuut. hari raya will be in a month! yay. i'll get ~~money~~ to see my relatives! woohoo.

well i shall study tmrw. serious. i'll bring my books and everything. so yes. i will study! yosh!

# i wanna watch hairspray. no no no. studyyy.

2007-08-24T23:36:00.000+08:00

have you ever had that feeling like you've been sleeping for 100 years and when you wake up you find everything around you has changed? or you're going in slow motion, and everyone and everything is just going by too fast? you're just stagnant, and nobody sees you, cos they're just walking by you, not turning their heads. everyone's just a blur. and you're totally alone. i just had that thought...whether there's ever been a moment in my life where i felt totally helpless. i don't know. i'm not being emo or anything. haha. really.

i've been sick for the past two days. i guess e rainy weather isn't helping my clogged up nose. but it's wonderful to juz bury my head in my pillow when it's all stormy outside.

that is if i din have to wake up for school. haha.

speaking of which, school has been slightly more than totally boring. lectures, that is. meeting friends for lunch and hanging out is totally cool. cos some of them i haven't seen since last sem! which is unbelievably sad. i guess i can't totally hate school. it provides the setting for meeting friends during breaks and whatnot. and i totally missed the library, the comfy chairs where i can study (sleep).

i need to get a part time job. library is only on weekends. and i get not that much each month. being a waitress din work out cos i juz can't work with some of the people there. so i shall look once again. maybe tuition. easy money man. haha. but i want somebody who lives in my block. is that possible? haha. on my floor? i want.

sigh and i've been slacking too much. and it's only e 2nd week of school. bad sufi, bad. i will no longer skip lectures. or tutorials. and i will do my readings. and study when i have the time. really. promise. really.

really.

# dean's list, here i come.

2007-08-22T23:29:00.000+08:00

When You're Gone- Avril Lavigne

I always needed time on my own

I never thought I'd need you there when I cry

And the days feel like years when I'm alone

And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away

I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear

To always get me through the day

And make it ok
I miss you

I've never felt this way before

Everything that I do reminds me of you

And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor

And they smell just like you

I love the things that you do

When you walk away

I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear

To always get me through the day

And make it ok
I miss you

We were made for each other

Out here forever

I know we were, yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know

Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul

I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

___________

i love this song. and the video. it's not some meaningless booty shaking or half clothed women. the impact of it...wow. i actually wanted to cry watching it. videos like this, and 'hold on' by good charlotte...it brings across a message that strikes you right where it matters most, the heart. sometimes, i think...yes, this is what music is. something that shoots right through your soul...a melody you can appreciate, lyrics that have meaning to them. music is not just liking what you hear, it's feeling what you hear.

if i could make music like that...i'd be the happiest person alive.

# i miss you.

2007-08-21T23:43:00.000+08:00

wheee. a week has passed by REAL fast! wow. ya know what?! i feel so damn cheated. like some time ago, i got this email which said that fiona xie! was coming down to school for some show called "Hey Gorgeous!" and i was superduper excited. so that day was today. and she didn't come! NUS, how could you lie to me like this?! gahhh. kym ng came instead. she's funny. but she's not fiona xie. dimweidnweufnrfueneor! haha but anyways long story short, i'm happy e guy who won was alywin. but the girl is ugly. throw face man. blegh.

but in other news! arts bash was on sat! at dxo. place was boring as hell. but the music was surprisingly better den e last time. and e pageant was kinda fun. e guy who became Mr. Arts also won the Hey Gorgeous thing by e way. so funny. last yr's mr. arts against this yr's mr. arts. anyways...oh oh! there were fireworks rite before bash too! there's a fireworks display on fri and sat and it was juz amazing. i loveeeee.

photos!

fireworks! which we managed to see from dxo rooftop! whee. so nice la! so colourful too.

ethel, me, ju, anna, bobby and uncle! before bash started.

pretty ladies. haha.

so yes. i'm still kinda disappointed i din get to see fiona xie. but oh well. haha.

# hey gorgeous. not.

2007-08-14T21:48:00.000+08:00

loyalty. it's a very important word, a very important concept to me. loyalty to friends, loyalty to your other half, and most importantly, loyalty to family. without loyalty, there is no trust. and without trust, there are no relationships.

being faithful to one person..that's being loyal to him or her. building trust and not letting other factors influence your opinions. no matter what, you're with that one person...and to me, it's juz wrong that a person can be abandoned so easily. it makes me wonder how convenient those three words are. "I love you". in those words, lies a promise...yet it's so easily misused and taken advantage of. "Let's break up." as easily said. yet hurts so much more.

please excuse the moment of crappiness. i'm juz irked by the season of breaking up and hooking up with other people. i'm surrounded by it. and though i don't know your side of the story, it's juz so what the fuck. all my faith in love and relationships juz got locked away in a giant safe, maybe never to be reopened again. ahhh my first post in a long time and it had to start with such depression...but i had to get this off my chest. oh wells. on to brighter things!

OWEEK 07! booyahhh. i would post pictures but there's juz tooooo many!

so i was in ocomm for oweek as a programmer. and weeks of hard work finally paid off. though one of my programmes got scraped due to time constraints, i have to say, the happiness i felt when night ventures ended cannot be described in words. i think when something is a success, the jubilation is just ....wow. it's really something you have to experience to understand...because after weeks of worrying and how the programme was a failure during pre camp, it was just amazing to know that people liked it during the actual camp. gosh i'm just rambling.

oweek this time ard was really bittersweet. there were lots of hard times, but in the end everything ended on a high and more importantly, everyone had fun! PLUS TEH ONG WON!! T house is the best man. 3 years in a row...best house for oweek. kickass.

i really did enjoy oweek. had great fun, lots of laughter and most importantly, i made new friends. and really, what's camp without having fun with friends?! thanks to all those that helped with night ventures, from ocomm to station helpers to dispatchers, to the programmers i worked with.

seriously speaking. everyone rocked my oweek.

# school has started. but i'm not out of the camp mood AT ALL.

2007-07-08T02:15:00.000+08:00

i juz came home from work. and woo my first week has been ok actually. if you didn't know, i'm now a waitress as well! haha. first few days i only worked lunch and it wasn't busy AT ALL. i think working dinner and functions more fun la. even tho it's super busy. cos more pple are working with me...so can bitch when the boss isn't looking. haha.

anyways the pple i'm working with are GENERALLY nice. of course there's always the irritating ones in any workplace...but i'm such a pleasant person that they probably don't know i feel like stepping on their face everytime he/she talks to me. hee. anyways today was pretty cool. there was a function for 200 PEOPLE! wow. but lots of leftover from buffet...so we got to eat yummy food. yay.

i'm watching LIVE EARTH now. answer the call man. haha. i'm getting super freaked out rite now. there's this banging sound that hasn't stopped for the past 20 minutes. and it's really creepy. help my house is haunted. or i have stupid neighbours. sigh. STOP!

oh! had og outing the other day! almost forgot about it. everyone gathered and we were supposed to do something after dinner. but after we ate, we ended up jus sitting at the foodcourt and talking. haha. until like 10 and most of them started leaving. BOO. and only 4 of us were left, waiting for FARHAN (who was super duper late, but has been forgiven. haha.). who also happened to be the BIRTHDAY BOY! yay happy 21st!

so it became 5 for a while.

until leonard left. and it was 4...again. and we went to esplanade. kacau-ing all the couples there. gosh! the ndp lights are so nice! i wanna go for ndp...but so sad i din get tix. i think this yr will be a memorable one. yeah.

yay nxt og outing will be soon. tuesday. sushi buffet. can't wait.

# we shall be free.

2007-07-01T18:33:00.000+08:00

ARTS CAMP 07 was a blast. really super duper tiring but fun nonetheless especially if you're with a great bunch of people like my og. TRIDENT! haha.

DAY ONE

the councillors had to report the night before, so i guess it's sort of the second day for us. haha nvm. it was super duper exciting la...totally hyped up to meet all the freshies. so slowly they came in...and we intro intro, played some games, blah blah blah. everyone's still a bit quiet la..since everyone's new but it's expected. haha.

ok so afternoon was campus tours, which was kinda tiring since we had to run from one end of the faculty to the other end again and again. haha i noe when i went for oweek last year, i didn't even learn any of the places we ran to, dunno whether the freshies will remember them this year. then it was mascot making and i have to say our mascot was really the bomb man. haha.

yep that's our mascot. the three things we speared through actually represent the other houses la. rumpa is the heart, afro is the yellow afro thing and sparta is the crossed out 300. haha so unfriendly right our mascot..oh well...trident likes to fight and kill. woot.

after that, we went to west coast for speed dating games and night games. gosh i felt it was really a lot to squeeze in one day. cos we only ended up walking back to school at like 2 or 3 am in the morning. i think that's pretty bad, considering it was only the first day and already we were ending so late. anyways the speed dating games were lame! we ended up playing only 2 games cos there wasn't enough time. and both games were so.........haha. the first one, a girl and a guy from different OGs had to walk cheek to cheek with this aluminium foil in between their cheeks. then when they reached the end point, they had to put peanut butter on the aluminium foil and LICK it off! how freaking gross is that...haha.

the second game they had to pass this rubber band with toothpicks in their mouths. and den to enhance the mood (since it was a speed dating game), me, ju and john (who's one of our house ICs) went around playing romantic music and singing (maybe that killed the romance a bit) along. haha. so funny la.

then it was night games. nothing much to say about it except that the timing is totally cocked up. we ended up waiting for one entire game at one of the stations cos e station IC said we were early, den the next station we went to..we were too late and it became a walkover. so unfair la. BUT. trident totally rocks la. we won 6 games in a row! undefeated man! that walkover one is so not counted cos if the timing wasn't so poorly planned, i bet we'd have won too. we lost one game though. cos the referee was freaking kayu. it was pepsi cola 1,2,3! and we clearly saw my freshie's foot on the other girl's foot...but the freaking BITCH just stood there and pretended she wasn't hit. fucker. whatever la. her foot must be so damn fat that she can't even feel anything through all the blubber.

it was pretty late when we started the mass night games...and i think everyone was already very stoned, especially the councillors, cos the night before, i slept like half an hour cos it was too cold man. and finally it only ended at like 2/3 ish...sigh. finally crashed only about 4am.

DAY TWO

i think i maybe got 2 hours of sleep den had to wake up. sigh. went for breakfast to find two measly pieces of bread (which fucking sucked. food reallyreally was shit during camp) and freshies who didn't look fresh at all. and what's worse was they had to go for like a couple hours of boring talks. poor them. after that was project shoot it (sorta like amazing race) and pool games. once again programming and timing was shit and instead of starting at 1045...we started at 1245! like so wtf la. obviously we wouldn't be ending early that day either. came back to school for mass dance (which wasn't as fun as last year's mambo) den night ventures and speed dating. gosh ended really late again la. at 2ish i think. supposed to end at 1230. but obviously lagged too much.

haha but it was fun la that night...me, ju and doris were like thinking up of cheers while the freshies were having speed dating and i think we got freaking high cos we were laughing like mad. so funny la! ok la so the councillors had more fun that the freshies who were stuck talking to countless pple.

DAY THREE

i was stuck being beach games station IC again. so a bunch of us had to go to sentosa like really early and were starved for a few hours cos they didn't send us breakfast like they were supposed to. but eventually it came like an hour before lunch. stupid. being station IC was complete crap and i freaking hated it. i had a shitty partner who manned the station with me and it was fucking hot that day. and i was feeling so emo and PMS-y that i just wanted to cry after it was over. haha. ya la that time of the month...so suay. when it was time for mass games, i just wanted to drop and die...so tired and my emotions were really out of control. i was swinging between wanting to bite someone's head off and bawling my eyes out. so crappy.

after all the games were better and we had shitty food again, i felt a lot better and started getting high. it was house time and we were cheering a lot and then we played truth or dare with the OG. so funny can.

secret pal interaction was damn fun (for us councillor gals anyway) cos we went around kacau-ing all the "couples" who were blindfolded by the way. wanted to kacau our ogl, ching feng but he was swinging around his bottle to drive us away. idiot. haha. so i went to disturb another T house councillor, laurence and it was freaking funny!

since he was blindfolded, i like grabbed my friend and plopped her down next to him so that she can pretend to be the girl he's supposed to meet. then the actual girl he was supposed to meet came over and he was like with two girls. then i started touching his hand, so he was like "how many girls am i with?" hahahha. it was really damn funny la. we were like touching here and there just to bug him. so fun!

haha den finally went back to school. and had supper with the OG. makan finish and sleep.

DAY FOUR

we had pre war games first. and i was DAMN pissed off. there was one station where the station IC was from the opposing OG and it was obvious that he was cheating for them. fucking asshole. it was this game were you had a category then you had to give examples of the category. like if it was animals. then u had to give examples of animals. and you're not allowed to repeat. WAHLAU. the other team obviously repeated something my freshie said like 5 minutes ago and the station IC was like "huh? continue continue". act damn blur like he din noe! such a fucker. and then when we repeated, he immediately blew the whistle.

and there was other stuff too. but gosh, just thinking about it makes me so mad!

WAR games after. it was pretty fun la. and we won almost all the games! yea trident! mass games was so funny! i was laughing like nobody's business cos it was just so retarded. we had to form tanks of 8 pple and we were tied together. my tank went to attack sparta..den we realised everyone else was attacking afro so we went up against 6 spartan tanks. haha. retreat man!

that night was dxo! it's fun la. to club once in a while, though i still prefer pubbing and kopitiam-ing. haha. free flow so i think i drank like 4 glasses. den gosh! coincidence much! bumped into a group of friends i hadn't seen in a while. they ordered like some really strong stuff and i drank with them. got a little tipsy i think. cos i remember ethel telling me not to sway, but i know i was standing still. and i said something like "the world is moving". gosh. really damn retarded. haha. but hey! i wasn't as bad as some of the others. like beng who was totally passed out and lying on the ground. and charlene who was giggling and so damn high. and crap. the ones who got drunk were all T house councillors! damn funny la.

i think i did some retarded thing back at hall too. haha. but anyways i woke up with a slight headache. but that's all. so i wasn't drunk much. haha.

DAY FIVE

last day. and it was just the closing ceremony. i got somewhat emotional and cried a bit cos i was so sad that we were all leaving. haha. took loads of pictures and hugged some pple. juling like hugged everyone cos she's so much more affectionate than me. haha.

freshies plus john our house IC above.

OG was tired so they went home and us turbu councillors went out to eat some real food. haha. i think we deserved it.

and one last picture. TURBU rocks!

ok la. so the whole camp was a success in the sense that trident bonded well and i have to say as an OG we were really very loud and on. yay. but a failure in the sense that it wasn't properly planned and there was so much lag time between programmes. and the food completely sucked. so disappointing.

but trident, you really made this camp memorable for me. and i wasn't sure if i could be a good councillor since it was first time, but you guys really made it easy for me. you are such a happening group la. thanks for everything!

# we are proud of you, said we are proud of you!

2007-06-19T10:33:00.000+08:00

i am watching TRL and jessica alba is freaking pretty. and so adorable! i totally love her and i really want to watch fantastic four! haha. juz to see her...but she's blonde in it. i don wan. haha.

yesterday had a house outing. and surprisingly good turnout. comparatively la. like 10ish pple? i think it's very good already. haha. s'posed to watch movie but in the end, had dinner and went to acid bar. i like the place. very nice atmosphere..and had a blast playing "truth and truth" (with a dare or two thrown in). haha i think arts camp will be awesome...since the pple are so cool. much love.

we didn't stay out as late as i wanted to...it's like if you stay out, you really STAY OUT. haha. but we were like in limbo...where it's sorta late...but not late enough. so i was kinda restless and crashed at juling's house instead of going home. and yay now i'm back. juz like half an hour ago? yeeeep. awww jessica alba's gone!

and WELCOME BACK tracy!!!! I AM SO JEAROUS AHH. must tell me ALL about australia (and the cute surfer dudes!) haha. meet up soon~

and oh yes. hopefully i get a job soon. i'm fucking broke la.

# money money money. must HAVE money!

2007-06-17T12:23:00.000+08:00

at work now. yes blogging at work. haha i hafta look busy and e library is surprisingly empty...so yes putting in an entry. i think despite all the complaining i do about work and e customers, i actually enjoy working here. especially since i get to meet with such ADORABLE kids. one is standing in front of me right now. big giant eyes and a cute chubby face. awwww.

but i guess there's a downside to working in an organisation my mom works in. cos most of my colleagues used to work with my mom, and i used to go to work with her A LOT. so they know me too. so now when pple see me, it's always "isha's daughter" or "ehhh...isha the daughter. grown up ready arrr" and not "sufi rite?"...not even a "oh sufi...you're isha's daughter, rite?". yep. i suppose there's nothing bad about being known as my mom's daughter...to be linked to someone so awesome is a blessing. haha. buuut. i hope they won't compare my temperament to hers...cos nobody on this earth is as nice and patient as my mommy. (maybe except melinda...but that's too much! my mom's nice enough...NOT to the point of being creepy) and obviously, i'm not as nice. maybe pleasant (rite anu?_haha) but i wouldn't say i'm a super patient type person. oh well. i'm just rambling. haha.

had pre-camp on mon and tue! fun la. but so bloody tired after. and it's only 2 DAYS. dunno how i'm gonna survive the actual camp which is 5 DAYS. dieee. i think i'll be a freaking zombie after the 1st few days. haha. and i'm slightly sunburnt already from the 2 days. dammit. i can't wait for the camp though. i'm sure it'll be a blast (not counting the zero sleep factor...but i think lack of sleep makes u high, so that's a good thing, rite? haha) and i hope the freshies are enthu. if not, it's no fun man. gonna haf a "house bonding" session on monday (if u can call it that)...actually i juz wanna go watch movie and go bowling...and why not ask them out since there's always fun in a big group of pple. haha.

friday i TRIED to look for a job...but didn't in the end. spent money instead la...haha. bad, sufi! bad! alrighty. i think i shall do something else now. too bad i can't play game. haha. how slack am i man! taa~

# L-O-V-E, i love you and you love me!

2007-06-01T08:10:00.000+08:00

monumental news! i am awake at 8am. haha and another! i woke up to go jogging today! wowwww. mind boggling! haha. ok so fine i was already awake in the 1st place since i nv went to sleep...BUUUT. i exercised! it was breathtaking....literally. i was panting like nobody's business after like 5 steps. ok la. haha. i'm not THAAT out of shape. more like 7 steps. haha.

i'm a little high at the moment from the stuff that exercise gives you...whuzzit? endorphins? and the lack of sleep too. i'm on top of the world, baby!

adibah! irda! we must do sleepover again. and yay we all managed to stay up past 4ish (i think). haha. and play more monopoly...this time business skills will be improved. haha. and do on a day where everyone is free e next day so we can slack around.

i watched shrek the third the other day. it was da bomb. in the style of my man shrek, i was down wit it yo, it was da shiznit dawg! haha u'll get it if u watch the movie. as with all shrek movies, it's funny and totally awesome. watch out for JT and his fantastic (voice) performance during one scene where he's faking tears. and shrek going ghetto yo.

i want to get the shrek ears from macs man!!!! dats the shit man. haha. totally cool. i hope it'll fit my huge head tho. should riteeee. haha. anyone wanna get one for me? pleaseeeee???

i'm totally digging miami ink. i have no idea why i nv watched it earlier. especially since i've been telling pple wat a nice show it is...but nv really watched it myself. haha. ami and yoji are cool man. totally love them. and yoji's kid is THE cutest.

i love rihanna's new song. umbrella. and another one of her album called don't stop the music. very disco. and a little trance...without overdoing it. haha. tastefully done. teehee.

by the way, the new ANYTHING! WHATEVER! ads are just killing me man. i don't know whether to laugh or cry.

# please don't stop the music.

2007-05-24T23:14:00.000+08:00

poor blake. he didn't win but i still love him anyway. i think he looks drunk in this photo by the way. cute. haha. oh well another boring american idol...i mean she was wow and oooh in the beginning...but she's so much like katharine mcphee. can only sing those slow ballads. like whatever. at least kelly clarkson can rock. nvm blake will totally have an album. so yayyy.

monday met up with the girls frm cedar. booo nadiah couldn't make it. and i realised we din take a photo together....but whatever. juz decided to put up photos of us separately then. haha.

me and anu. in the toilet. haha. always taking pictures in the toilet la. i was gonna put up this pic of me in all my mat glory and anu in all her glam(poser)-ness...but nvm. i might get shot. haha.

and dee and lou. haha. seoul garden's food isn't awesome or anything (but the szechuan chicken is!) but it's fun to cook la. and create new drinks...anunu, seriously man, we should totally open a smoothie stall or something. big money! haha.

oh yes! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNA!!!!! you've survived a day of being 20. how does it feel? old? hahahaha.

yesterday (till this morning) watched pirates of the carribean marathon...damn long la. from 7pm to 3.30am. haha. and pirates 3 is so nice! MUST SEE. one of the biggest movies of the year! totally loved it man. i love captain jack sparrow! and will turner is so damn hot la. especially at the end. shan't say more since it'll be spoiler-ish. hahaha. i love orlando bloom la.

so hot laaaaaa. yohoho a pirate's life for me!

well went for soccer finals today with irda and adibah! who i haven't seen in sooo long. haha. MJ VS RJ. i was kinda surprised it was rj instead of vj...cos well...i've never really heard that rj had a good soccer team. maybe it's a fluke. haha.

anyways guess who won. hint. sajc is fourth and they're arranged in order of rank. haha. ya man mj lost...1-0. sad we're 2nd again. oh well there's always next year right? haha. i love soccer matches la. very exciting but probably cuts off like 2 years off my life. and my voice is like slightly...dented. haha. s'posed to go to tamp after the match. but went to vivo instead of tamp cos we took the wrong bus. haha lame la. and we all bought a top from marks and spencer! i love the sale there. it's like from 100plus to 20plus. cool shit. haha.

okie dokes. shall go watch the american idol repeat since i missed it juz now. boohoo.

# yohoho, a bottle of rum, a pirate's life for me.

2007-05-19T02:55:00.000+08:00

SEXY MUCH? haha. yayyyy blake made it to the final two. byeee melinda. haha i don think it's a secret dat i don like her rite. even though she has a nice voice, her nice-ness scares the shit out of me. more than clowns. yep. haha. but hooray for blake! i totally LOVED his performance on wednesday. i was like.......wow i freaking HATE 'this love' but i thought when he sang it, it was da bomb. haha.

and gosh all his moves. so haaawwwt. cannot tahan. *swoons* OK i juz realised in the first picture, simon's stupid head is right in the middle. haha. so funny...can tell it's simon's head man. it's like one of those pirated movies...den suddenly in the middle of e movie, someone will stand up to go toilet. ok off tangent. haha. BUT even with simon's giant head there, blake still looks freaking hot.

and i hope he wins american idol! i mean jordin's voice is awesome and all. but like i said before the eyebrow-thing? haha i freaking hate it. ya like that'll stop her from winning. looks like she might. but she can't sing anything besides ballads! so boring sometimes. so blake should TOTALLY win! all the way blake.

HAHA. i juz thought of the BLAKER GIRLS...which is what the fans of blake call themselves i think. if they're girls. duh. if they're guys...i suppose...BLAKER BOYS. how gay is that. haha. but whatever as long as they support blake. does that mean i'm a blaker girl? but i'm SPECIAL. i don wanna be lumped in some category. haha. why don they call themselves blaker babes? like alliteration. (is it alliteration? where the two words start wit e same letter? damn i've forgotten all my literature shit. haha)

man if he ever puts out an album, i'd totally buy it. damn i wish singapore idol was this entertaining. i mean there are cute guys la (like two. ONLY. taufik and hady.) but it's jus so.....sad.

OH OH keeps your hands off my girl is on. which reminds me. i juz watched MTV Live: Good Charlotte! and sheesh joel madden is hot. with his shades and all his yummy-ness. (i can't believe i juz typed dat. haha. but i can't convey his look in another way) is it juz me, or am i juz boy-crazy today? haha. sighhhh. though it's kinda sad that all this hotness is juz on tv. lonelyyyyy, i'm so lonelyyyyyy. (as in the akon song. haha) and now mcr's i don't love you is on. i swear they ALWAYS play MCR right after GC. hmmm.

everything in my post is juz so random la. jumping from one topic to the next. what to do. i'm such a disorganised person. haha. and i WISH it'd stop raining everytime i go to the park. spoiler sia. and obviously i've been inactive for WAAAY too long. cos i tried playing basketball and now my arm is like in pain (or maybe that's frm playing too many computer games) and my old knee problem is back (or maybe that's frm hitting my knee everytime i lose) and my fingers are numb (ok wait that's definitely frm playing xbox) and my voice is hoarse (hmm guess it might be cos i keep shouting at legolas and aragorn to run faster so they don get crushed by falling boulders).

LONG STORY SHORT. i need to exercise more. haha. and e games don really hafta stop. it's not like i haf anything better to do. whatever. and yay meeting the girls frm cedar again on monday! wow twice in the SAME year! wait SAME month! it's a miracle! hahahaha. totally looking forward to sitting down at seoul garden and talkingtalkingtalking. for hours! while cooking dee her meat. lazy cow. haha.

anyways juz couldn't resist putting up another picture. cos he's juz so adorkable. haha. and i liked his white outfit. more than his usual sleeveless pullover getup. though he's cute in that too. haha ok STOP.

heehee...so cute la. damn this doesn't mean i'm cheating on jared right? cos i'm totally crushing on blake right now. dieeee.

# this love has taken it's toll on me.

2007-05-15T23:40:00.000+08:00

picnics are always fun. though what we had today wasn't REALLY a picnic, what matters is the company right? haha.

oh lovely lovely pple from SR! i totally HEART WITH GLITTERS AND SPARKLES you girls and guy. hahaha. and oscar, though you only stayed for like an hour plus, your presence is always welcome......when you're not busy dissing me with your laser mouth. haha.

soooo...we played TABOO. which is one of the coolest and FUNNIEST games ever. theo ahhh...your knowledge of movies is so.....sad. example:

me: who's that actor who played that movie where he said "life is like a box of chocolates"?!

any guesses? tom hanks!

and what did she say? CHRIS ROCK.

before oscar left, we tabulated scores and the CHEATER! hid me and theo's cards...so we thought we lost cos we had less cards. but actually we didn't. haha. cheaterbug! tsktsktsk.

ok then we played TWISTER! i was spinning e thing and making them suffer. haha. but they din really get tangled up which was kinda boring. my evil side wanted to see them fall over each other. haha. shhhh don't tell them.

me and theo! juz HAD to post this picture cos the lighting was great and our ALREADY pretty faces looked even better. haha.

us again! haha we took a bunch la when fariza and ama were in the toilet. because the lighting was so good! and i totally love the timer function on cameras. hahahaha.

FAMILY PHOTO! (or class photo) so nice right! did i mention i LOVE timers on the camera?

you know la. with a camera and bunch of camwhoring crazy pple, whaddya expect but a whole load of stoooooopid pictures? example A is above. haha. to tell u e truth, this is prob one of our more decent and not-so-lunatic ones.

this one reflects our insanity muchmuch more. cos seriously...how often do u see 4 girls in the park, laughing like mad, and posing like a bunch of idiots? hahahaha.

that mass of skin and bone at the bottom is me by the way. i look like something out of SUPERNATURAL la. though i don mind if sam and dean try to catch me. teeheee. saaaam~ ok veering off track. haha.

ok this picture juz takes e cake la. insane much? can u imagine a camera on the dustbin, e timer on and a bunch of girls jumping up and down, HOPING that there's a shot where we're suspended in mid air? hahahahahah. oh man pple were looking at us weird! thank god there weren't many pple in e park. if not so malu-ating! HAHAHA.

SPIDERWEB! (or space web as the sign says...who calls it dat anyway?) see the three monkeys in the web? yep those are my friends. haha.

SWINGS!!!!!! I LOVE SWINGS! oh man i haven been on one is FOREVER. haha. and i'm so sorry fariza! but i could NOT resist putting up e picture below. of you as an invalid and me as your caregiver.haha. theo is so right...you look like you're in a wheelchair and i'm pushing you. hahahhaha.

i juz burst out laughing. AHAHAHAHAH. baaad sufi. bad! i'm sowwyyy fawizaaa...(...not really. haha.)

the spinning thing! which is fun but a BIT scary. and difficult to get off. but fun. haha.

eh look! peter parker and mary jane! hahahaha. ya they're lying down on a spiderweb. which looks comfortable. but actually isn't. cos e rope is hard and digs into your body. haha.

just another random shot...cos what else do we do best? camwhoring is da bomb, yo. it's the shiznet, fo' shizzle. hahahahah.

on the bus back to white sands. more posing. thank god the bus was empty. except for the bus driver who probably thought we were drunk or crazy or juz escaped from mental hospital. whatever la. they're trying to act tough. can you tell? haha.

OK THIS ONE. do u noe what we're doing? it's supposed to be matrix pose. but it looks more like i'm trying to lift an invisible heavy object or trying to put a forcefield around us. and fariza looks like she's doing some cheerleading move. or pretending to be a crocodile. haha.

we're so cute right. i know. haha.

this one's just too funny to not pose. the blur pose. classic. everybody takes e blur shot. or e act cute shot ALL THE TIME.haha.

this one is unique though! how many pple can do this ahhhh. my ability to do stupid faces is just so...........(retarded) cool. hahahaha.

ah goodbye girls. see you again soon. to play basketball and soccer and badminton. and go ice skating and bowling....etc etc. so fun! i love holidays!

wheeeeee!

# tom hanks and chris rock? different sia.

2007-05-14T01:09:00.000+08:00

how do i spend the holidays? watching drama series of course.

i've watched season 3 of grey's anatomy. and it was so wow! tracy! go watch! anna! have you finished watching? haha.

i finished watching supernatural episode 21 of season 2 11 minutes ago. oh mi gosh! last episode veryvery soon. and i'm jus DYING to know what's happening. to my darling sam and dean. juling! you so have to get your computer fixed or something cos the last few episodes are just so....wow.

currently in the middle of ugly betty. and completely loving betty and hothot daniel. haha. and just wishing they'd get together. which hasn't happened and might never happen.

also have watched the first 3 episodes of one tree hill season 1. and at the moment they're airing season 4? i wish channel 5 had showed one tree hill in the past (or maybe they did) cos i would have been totally HOOKED. ok now i understand anna and juling's obsession over it. like how i was obsessed over grey's with tracy. haha.

i've downloaded 21 episodes of heroes. but i haven watched yet. though i'm really looking forward to it...cos i watched e 1st episode and it was just...AWESOME. no wonder it's so popular in the US.

prison break season 2. i remember watching the whole of season 1 over a span of 2 days. cos it was just exciting. and i wanted to find out if michael manages to break out of prison. so i'm quite sure season 2 will be just as exciting. haha.

korean dramas galore. whatever that sounds nice, i've been watching. haha. except i haven't watched the one showing on channel u now. heard it's nice from a lot of pple...but i'm trying to find it on the net now. hopefully will start watching it soon.

man i am such a pirate. shhhh. downloading stuff. if only singapore would show the shows i wanted on tv. speaking of pirates. YOHOHO AND A BOTTLE OF RUM! ARRR YE MATIES! CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW'S COMING IN 10 DAYS! ahhh can't wait!

thank god my break's 3 months. and i really don wanna get a job la. haha. no time to watch all my dramas and shit. sigh. how meaningless is this post man?

(and yes anna, i think you're right. i watch too much tv, dvds, dramas, etc.) i can't help it. damn.

# reading your note over again, there's not a word i comprehend/

2007-05-11T01:12:00.000+08:00

i've been laying down in my bed for the past hour and sleep is not coming. people say you should do something else instead of trying to sleep if you can't sleep...so that you'll get sleepy. well people are obviously wrong. cos i'm not getting any sleepier. i think i'm becoming more awake.

i've had the most depressing thought ever all of a sudden after listening to this song about heartbreak and shit like that while surfing blogs. so many pple are talking about how happy they are to be in relationships, or planning marriages, blah blah blah. and it occurred to me that i might actually rot my life away all ALONE. gosh. i never really thought about not having a husband or a family...but it's actually a possibility with my jaded outlook on all things love.

how depressing. i feel like writing to some agony aunt. my letter will probably go something like this.

Dear whatsyourname,

It seems my wandering mind has once again led me to a crossroads. I've never written before about my problems, but it seems I am at a loss as to what to do now. I have a pretty whack idea of what love is and what relationships are all about...and because my take on the just mentioned is so dark and negative, I fear I might live my life alone. So while my friends may be married with two kids and one more on the way, i might be living in my one-room apartment, watching Spongebob Squarepants with no one to laugh with me over patrick's stupidity. What an empty and depressing life it is, having no one to say "Patrick's a total idiot" too!

You may say that I'm being too pessimistic and everyone will find their soul mate one day, but with how my relationships have always ended so badly, I'm inclined to say the chances of me finding my soul mate is about as high as Jared Padalecki turning up at my doorstep and proposing to me. Is it just me? Am I not patient enough with my respective half? Because fights were often in my last relationship, and no, fighting is not another form of love. Will I ever get married and have kids? What advice can you give me so my tortured and confused mind can rest?

Lonely, 19
_____________

i think i'll go shoot myself now. haha. i feel so much better now that i've made light of the situation. i don think i'll end up alone...hey i'm being optimistic for once! shocking. but seriously, if i'm not married by 27, my mom and kaypoh aunts will probably go find me a husband. hopefully, someone who isn't balding or has 2 kids already. i might not want to be alone...but hey i wouldn't be that desperate. (not that there's anything wrong with balding men with 2 kids. no offence dudes....even though i think no balding men with 2 kids read my blog. ok i'm rambling now)

poor lakisha is out though it's expected. but it's still sad. cos part of me was STILL hoping melinda would be out by some miracle. or maybe jordin. cos their performances are getting oh-so-boring. their voices are awesome. but they're only good for power ballads. so uninteresting. not like BLAKE (sighhh) or lakisha (who is so comfortable in her skin that i'm full of respect for her)...hopefully blake isn't eliminated next round. GO BLAKE!

here's an emo poem for all the lonely people out there, feeling completely depressed and unwanted. remember, there's someone for everyone...it's not you, it's them.....ok obviously motivational speaker is crossed off from my job prospects list.

Drinking up the liquor of your shattered dreams,

Listening to the jukebox and the clinking of glasses,

Swaying left and right, having nothing to lean on,

Just a broken heart and this sad, depressing love song.

It's too bright the next morning and it's too loud,

Your mouth's too dry and your body won't move,

Yet, your heart keeps on breaking,

And the shattering, it's just too loud.

There's nothing rooting you to the ground,

Nobody's going to catch you when you fall anymore,

There's nothing supporting you when you're down,

Nobody's listening, to the sound of your heart breaking.

____________________

oh the emo-ness of it all. i suppose my melancholic state can be attributed to the month of may. haha. nah. i'll just stop here. for now.

# I wonder if you're as lonely as I am.

2007-05-10T04:56:00.000+08:00

i was bored! even though i should be sleeping on my nice new bed, i couldn't. cos it was too early. and so i made a new template! the picture was inspired by this wallpaper i saw before. haha. and i was having so much fun, that i didn't realise it was already 5am. whoops. i really do wish jared and jensen would give me a ride. haha.

2007-05-09T21:07:00.000+08:00

updating's getting pretty frequent, innit? heehee. i have so much free time. nothing to dooo. haha. yay FINALLY had the chance to actually meet up with some pals from cedar. i HEART you girls la. alamak and everyone's so pretty and sexy la nowaday. woot. haha.

so yes what did we do? talk talk, walk walk. ate at this indon restaurant...not very yummy. but swensens ice cream was goooood. though for some reason it was like really dark in swensens. maybe they're trying to save on their electricity bill. haha. like whatever.

there's a picture of me with jolin tsai. HAHA. aiya louise i can't help it. you're so cute with your lian/taiwanese fashion sense. stylo-milo yo. haha. out of the 4 girls i met, you're the one i haven seen for the longest time. and dat's just...saaad man. haha and look at her la, she's practically glowing! i want your skin........haha.

still wondering whether i should find a job or not. submitted a form for some research programme that pays...so if that doesn't pan out, than whatever la. i'll just rot at home and survive on the money from part time library work. haha. no big deal. funny how we're always complaining that's there not enough time when we're stuck in school, but when holidays roll around, we have too much time. there's just no pleasing me. haha.

ah but holidays are useful for gatherings and meeting up with old friends. so gang from cedar, SR, MJ...let's all get together and have some fun la. it's been too long man. too long. haha.

waiting for american idol to start. go lakisha and blake! tomorrow's elimination will be sooo hard! everyone's good! daaamn.

i finally drove again today. like after 3 million years. and wow i'm really out of practice! my gear changing was horrible...so not smooth. haha. must drive more. or get my own car. (YA like that'd ever happen! HAHA.) and i got a new BED! oh my god! 9 years ago, i moved into this HDB flat and this will be the 1st time i'm getting an ACTUAL bed. a real one! with posts and an actual mattress! haha. (when i moved in, i got this foldable bed. which was pathetic and caused back problems. then i slept on the floor on a mattress. which was thin and caused back problems. then i went back to another foldable bed with a thin mattress. and also caused back problems.) SOOO....this time! i got an actual bed...with a DAMN GOOD mattress specially for the back. so NO MORE back problems. wheeeee. how exciting. oh plus i got drawers. so my room is neater. though at the moment it looks like a tornado hit it, cos i'm moving everything into the drawers...but i decided to stop halfway cos my room is freaking dusty. just realised how dusty it actually is. haha.

ok i don have anything else to report. my life is boring. damn.

nadiah's aim. tsktsk. look at my cut off face. oh well. apparently the lighting in the toilet is good. this one must be an exception. HAHA. love ya!

# Read me your tombstone, tell me you're sorry. - The Cardigans

2007-05-03T22:08:00.000+08:00

YES. SPIDER-MAN 3 is the bomb. haha. omg so awesome la. really the best of all the spider-man films. topher grace is cute. i totally dig peter parker's new look after he became the black spider-man. i mean wit his fringe not combed back. i didn't like how he flipped his hair (like some emo kid) but he was very cute in his all black suit(not the spidey suit. i mean an actual suit. haha.) when he went to the jazz club. a bit spoiler-ish ah. aiya juz watch la. u will know what i'm talking about. haha ok shan't say more. except that i freaking hate stupid kirsten dunst. biatch.

american idol results! YESSA phil is FINALLY out. haha. kinda expected la. he pales in comparison to the rest of the contestants. and blake and chris are so cute together! haha best friends. awwww. like jared and jensen. so brudder brudderrrrr. hah. but YAY blake is still in! bye chris. i din really like him anyway. so nasally la his voice...hah anna! i told you chris would be voted off! oh man. now there's only 4 left....lakisha, blake, jordin and melinda. alamak one guy only. haha. i hope blake and lakisha go all the way. though i think pple will want jordin and melinda. i juz can't stand looking at jordin when she sings la nowadays. i like her voice. but juz can't LOOK at her. haha melinda....well you know how i feel about her la. eeeh creepy. *shivers*

you know what? the cheese meltz or whatever taco looking thing at kfc is such a waste of money. the advertisement BLUFF. not crispy AT ALL. so soggy and eeeeeh. don't buy ok. hahaha. really cheat my feelings maaan. hahahaha.

as an ending note! pple go watch spider-man 3. it really is a must watch. next big movie of the year? PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN: AT THE WORLD'S END. cannot wait man! jack sparrow. orlando bloom. *swoons*

# spider-man, spider-man, friendly neighbour spider-man.

2007-05-02T22:19:00.000+08:00

EXAMS ARE OVER!! wheeeeee. i'm so totally high right now. and i found out something today.

1.shouldn't listen to muttons in the morning when waiting outside the exam hall.

i reached early as usual. like at 8 and was listening to them. cos i wanted to find out e answer to 'what the blahhh?' they said during e redding-newcastle match, someone got sent off the field, but it wasn't a player. so who was it? and usually i'm always out of e car before they can give the answer. this time i really wanted to knowww.

and oh my god it was the redding mascot. the LION MASCOT. and the referee said the mascot was confusing him cos he was cheering on the sidelines but was too near, so the referee kept thinking it was another player! oh my god how retarded! hahahaha. i LAUGHED OUT LOUD and pple looked at me. cannot tahan sia. and then they were like....eh so does this mean he can't come for the next match? cos you know, if you get a red card, you're suspended frm the next match. hahahahah. and i was like covering my mouth half coughing to mask the laughter.

the worst thing was i was sitting alone la!!!! haha. so yes lesson learnt. no listening to the muttons when outside in public alone.

2. no reading funny books in public

cos i laughed out on e train. on e bus. and in kfc. very bad. very bad. haha.

i'm watching american idol now. and OH MY GOD. lakisha's performance was the shiznit man. so awesome! the best ever. and simon actually kissed her!

whooo. hot. hahahhahaa. and i'm waiting for blake now. HE LOOKS SO CUTE. i love blake!

omg! his performance was awesome. and totally dig his new look. lemme find a picture.

yes. now i'm listening to chris' nasally performance. whatever. he got nothing on blake yo. oh thank you gettyimages. i will look at blake alwaysss.

and thank you random girl's website for providing the video. i will watch this performance over and over again like anna is. so thanks anna for sending it to me. haha. i'm nuts la. i love his performance. he's so talented. i love blake! and lakisha! i hope phil and chris gets kicked off. they're so...whatever. and i can't help it la. i feel like punching melinda everytime she speaks. stop being so niceeeeeeee. eeeeehhhh. shivers down my spine man. but her performances are always nice. just don't speak. haha. okie dokes. everyone ask me out. i'm so totally free. unless i decide to get a job. which i prob won't. haha. toodles~

so cute. wheee.

# you give love a bad name.

2007-04-25T23:51:00.000+08:00

american idol was the bomb man. i love blake! and lakisha! and jordan! jordan was really damn good. haha.

wokay halfway mark of exams now. had my soci paper on mon which was ok. e 3 chapters i focused on came out. which was an awesome stroke of luck. tue...i had cognitive in the morning, and it was actually not as bad as i thot'd it be. there were 2 questions and each was 50 marks. i was like...whuuuut. but actualy there's a lot to write. so yeah. by e seasian paper, i was so damn sleepy that i almost fell asleep doing it. (and tracy, how to do well sia.......got such a HUGE distraction inside the hall!) hahaha.

i woke up at 3pm today. after sleeping at 7pm yesterday. haha. wow. 20 hours of sleep! muz be my body making up for the lack of sleep...haven been sleeping much ever since i started STRESSING over the exams. STRESSING! wow! haha. me and stress juz don go together man. it's like the powerpuff girls without blossom or buttercup or bubbles! actually dat's not really a good example. how about....it's like spongebob without patrick! hahaha. or mr. krabbs saying "i don like money!" yaaah. see it just doesn't fit man. me and stress. haha.....whatever.

well i have stats (yikes!) and js(whatever) left. haha i'm watching 'raven' now. so funny! oh ok shall continue watching now. and annnnnaaaaaa ur on my friends list now! haha.

# love me or hate me. that is the question. (i noe ur looking at this)

2007-04-22T22:34:00.000+08:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

2007-04-14T01:24:00.000+08:00

Paradise, it's what they say, it is,
The truth is that it's a place worse than hell,
Magazines, and stupid, fucking ads,
Make you think you're not perfect if you're fat.

What makes life have any meaning,
If Prada and Gucci just make us look alike.
Wearing the same stupid clothes,
And the same type of hair,
And tomorrow it's out of style.

Why do we trust in them?
Who defines what makes us best?
Why change just who I am?
Hide beneath a spray on tan.

In this fake-ass world,
Where does money go?
To the plastic surgeons, to those Zara clothes.
In this blind fucked world,
What do people need?
The Manolo Blahniks, and the skinny jeans.

Blemishes here, and pimples there,
And they'll say you need 5000 just to fix that,
Liposuction and a tummy tuck,
Just add in 3000, and you'll get a botox injection!

Live my life the way I want,
I'm not thin, who gives a fuck?
Rice and pizza, yes I'll eat,
Carbohydrates, god forbid!

In this fake-ass world,
Where does money go?
To the plastic surgeons, to those Zara clothes.
In this blind fucked world,
What do people need?
The Manolo Blahniks, and the skinny jeans.

_____________

yes. i'm bored. and feeling particularly creative. and oh so not in the mood to study. but i studied juz now okaaay. i'm not a slacker (much. i think.) and i study really hard (sometimes. a few times. hmmm.). hahahaha.

american idol this week was awesome. gosh i don think i laughed so much over an episode so much. the theme was latin songs or something. and it was a crappy theme. but simon was the shiznet for telling haley the only thing she had going on for her was to "wear as little clothes as possible". HAHAHA. gosh that cracked me up.

and AND the best part was when ryan called sanjaya THE EMBODIMENT OF LATIN PASSION! hahahhaa. man i almost fell out of my seat la. what the hell. and surprisingly. he wasn't all that bad...sang 'besame mucho'. nice song.

the results show was even funnier la. simon was promoting the Idol Gives Back thing. and went to africa (?) to show how the money from it would help the schoolkids. and the girls drew pictures of simon. and this is what one of them drew...

HAHAHA. yes! man-boobs on simon. so funny la. and he turned so red after the showed the clip. gosh i laughed so loud dat my mom came into the room and was like...what's so funny? haha. buay tahan ah. hahahhaa.

OH! i drove to school today! how exciting is that! hahahahaha. i love driving. and it rained super heavily halfway. but i still love it. my dad kept telling me to go slower. but i can't heeeelp iiit. i have a need for speed! (i've always wanted to use that phrase since forever. haha.)

maaan. exams are like in 9 days and i'm still slacking away. when i actually have books in front of me, i start to lose focus after like 15 minutes. haha talk about a short attention span. i just don't know an effective studying method it seems. haha. though soci is pretty interesting to read, it's a lot of theories. so i guess that one just memorise....(and smoke)....but stats will kill me i think. only 6 chapters to learn...buuuut....it's stats! hahahaha. seasian is like.....how do i study for that?

SHOCK! oh my god! mtv news just reported britney spears is dating howie day! not justin timberlake! whyyyyyy. and they met in rehab. hahahhaa. NOOO. britney and justin belong together! cannot cannot.

haha as i was saying...how to study for seasian? it's one of those...discuss discuss, blah blah, hahaha modules. and my js is pretty screwed. see la skip lecture all the time. tsktsktsk. bad sufi. haha. i'm feeling a little high at the moment. i dunno why. might be the redbull. or might be the fact that i keep watching this funny clip of tom delonge. and maybe because mtv is playing a song called 'shock the monkey'. HAHA. oh the clip! i shall put it here for all to watch. it's only 15 seconds. but i find it funny. like REALLY funny. but maybe it's just me. haha.

ok i think i should go to sleep before i spout more nonsense. haha. since i'll prob be looking at this post after i post it......haf fun studying tomorrow, me.

# yup. zul madden. and khairul padalecki. they'll be hot.

2007-04-10T01:27:00.000+08:00

CHARLATAN? reallyyyyyy? hahahahhahaa.

___

as u can see, i'm updating fairly regularly now, aren't i? must be cos i'm putting off studying. tsktsktsk.

i'm not emo. and i'm not angsty. ok maybe a little. haha.

2007-04-07T16:15:00.000+08:00

i completely fucking detest the way people talk about me like i'm not there. gossiping and bitching is one thing (and i so CANNOT deny i don gossip and bitch about other pple) but actually doing it when the person you're gossiping about is there is so fucking irritating. is my personal life so bloody interesting that you actually have to keep going on and on about it...even though you've repeated it a million times to the same person in the past hour.

to be the focal point of gossip isn't a pleasant thing, but it doesn't bug me much. because the news will reach me eventually, and i'll rant and bitch a while, but in the end, all gossip will die down. maybe a flicker here and there, but it's not like it's something scandalous. but PLEASE! i don't need to know something about me over and over again. i got it the first time. i seriously freaking hate being the topic of discussion, but being treated like i'm invisible. fuck man.

AND i can't stand how pple try to meddle with my life. advice i can take, but fucking ordering me to do something is unacceptable. i'm not 3 fucking years old. and while i'm not completely independent, trying to control every single aspect of my life will be met with a fuck-off. and please, if trying to control me is just because you're taking out your anger on me, you're being completely stupid and unreasonable.

and why the HELL don't i get a say in this matter?! probably zero people know what i'm talking about right now, but i'm juz typing whatever comes to mind. seriously man...the whole gossip thing has gotten way out of hand. it's not New Paper material anymore...it's gone all the way up to like Straits Times! gah...stop assuming my stand on this stupid thing. stop assuming things about me. i have my own opinions dammit.

shitpissfuckdamn. i'm so freaking pissed that i can't even find calm in music. everything's just really angry and loud. and i have a huge headache. fucker.

# in the beginning, i tried to warn you, you play with fire, it's gonna burn you.

2007-04-03T22:22:00.000+08:00

YESSAAAA!!! FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY AFTER MONTHS AND MONTHS!

I HAVE MY LICENSE! I HAVE MY LICENSE!! HAHAHAHA. I'M BESIDE MYSELF WITH HAPPINESS! OH HAPPY DAY!!!

WHEEEEEEEE!

yep. i'm nuts. woohoooooo.

2007-03-31T06:36:00.000+08:00

They saw a perfect family, with a perfect life,
A suited man with his children and his lovely wife,
They looked so happy and content with their perfect smiles,
To others they looked wonderful, it was the perfect disguise.

To everyone, he looked content,
With his house and his brand new Benz,
To everyone, she loved her life,
Jewels and pearls in her hands.

And everybody didn't know,
Just how imperfect was their life,
And only when their front door closed,
Did the children start to cry.

He downs another in a bar,
And his wife does the same at home,
The children hide and in fear of them,
As tires screech and the doorbell rings.

He shouts, she screams, and the children pray,
That God will save them from the beatings today,
Something shatters, and a glass vase breaks,
Just like their spirits, and their prayers aren't answered today...

And everybody didn't know,
Just how imperfect was their life,
And only when their front door closed,
Did the children start to cry.

Little Jimmy is just nine, but he knows what the bottle does,
His sister Sarah is thirteen, and she curses all the drugs,
Why is our house not a home?
Why do Mom and Dad hate us so much?
Why do they drink and hit us so,
They're attacking, take cover now.

And everybody didn't know,
Just how imperfect was their life,
And only when their front door closed,
Did the children start to cry.

________________

it's saturday. and it's 6am. and i'm awake. freaky. i'm aware i've barely blogged this month. ok actually this year. aiya what to do. so damn busy. i'm lucky if i can get enough sleep each night. ok i was supposed to upload my pics from phuket and rave about it....but i'm lazy ah. haha. what can i say? the view was fantastic, the beaches were...gosh, awesome! (i'm watchin little mermaid now. and like ariel said when she found the fork "have you seen anything so wonderful in your entire life?!") haha yes, that's how i felt about e beaches of phuket.

and the kathoey are sooo pretttyy (some of them, at least). the ones who are pretty, are really pretty. and the one who are ugly, are really ugly...they look like men. (haha which they areee) and the tourists there are really hot. so many cute guys la. and most are half naked. since they're all at the beach. heeee.

i love phuket. sigh....i wanna go there again.

oh yea yea! i cut my hair! went to this shop at the airport (NOO it's not e $10 haircut). haha but it was rite next to it. 20 bucks. and i was a little worried (actually a lot...cos i don trust hairdressers much. hairdressers and dentists. haha) he would mangle my hair. but he didn't. so yay. my fringe din turn out retarded or anything. so i'm happy.

on a more crappy note...

my deadline for my seasian project was yesterday. and i had so much trouble over it. man, i got fucking annoyed by the negative externality in my group. who did shit work. and gave said shit work like the nite before the project was s'posed to be passed up. man, damn irritating laaa. obviously never going to be in the same grp as that shithead again. gah. but at least it's all over now.

i think it's been a week since i last talked to my unreasonable father. why should i bother wasting my breath? yet another fight at home. what's new. this time it was mega huge. i'm thinking i have to look for lodging some place else. yes, i treat my own house as just a lodging facility, cos what else can i call it? i spend most of the day out and only come ard midnight? or 11, if i'm lucky. by that time, everyone's asleep or going to sleep. so basically my houz is just a place where i sleep. i don't even eat at home. if i'm lucky, i'll be here on weekends. haha.

so i'm feeling depressed. a little happy. and a lot sleepy. i'm poor too. so anyone willing to treat me? heee.

thanks for the chupa chups. you're always accommodating my cravings. haha.

2007-03-08T22:44:00.000+08:00

heloo beloved friends, yes it has been a while. much has happened. but but but. i must bitch about this stupid crazy woman who accused me of a crime i didn't commit. so drama. haha.

ok so i was going for lecture this morning. and i wasn't from home, so when i got on the train, there weren't any seats. so anyways, at the next station, pple got on so i moved to the centre of the train and accidentally bumped into this woman. so i just said sorry and started stoning.

i think it was like somewhere after queenstown that all the madness happened. the woman i bumped into me started to dig through her bag, and den dropped all her other stuff, and kept digging and searching. and suddenly, she turned to me and said i stole her purse. i was like....uhhhhh....what? anyways our conversation (if you can call it that...) went something like this:

crazy woman (CW): you stole my purse!
me: no i didn't.
CW: yes! juz now you bump into me and take my purse!
me: NO.
CW: if not you, den who? no one else bump into me! no one else was near me!
me: (completely baffled and starting to get a little irritated) i didn't steal your purse!
CW: yes! it's not here!
(pple are openly looking at us and i'm juz getting frustrated)
me: maybe you dropped it. i didn't take your purse!
CW: you did! give it back. i report you to the police ahh.
me: oh my god, i didn't take your purse!
CW: i check your bag!
me: no!
CW: how come don't want to let me? you steal right?
me: NO! i don't see why you have to check my bag when i'm telling the truth!

and we reached the mrt station. i got off and she went ahead of me to get one of the mrt guys. and she started pointing at me and i got stopped. i was like what the fuuuuck man.

mrt guy(MG): this woman says you stole her purse?
me: i didn't!
MG: can i check your bag please?
me: FINE.

so i handed him my bag and he looked inside, and couldn't find anything except for MY own stuff. so fucking stupid la.

CW: she stole it! i can't find it anywhere in my bag! she must be hiding it in her pocket or in her t-shirt!
me: (seriously, what the fuck?) you're crazy la! i didn't steal anything ok! (to mrt guy) ok i'm really late for lecture cos of this whole thing, so i can go now?
CW: CANNOT! give me back my purse!

oh gosh. i was so fucking frustrated that i wanted to strangle her. come on laaaa...why the hell would i wanna steal her stupid purse?! and what kind of thief stays on the train after stealing anyway? stupid bitch! arghhhh.

me: (to mrt guy) i didn't steal her purse. obviously she dropped it somewhere, and that's seriously not my problem. she's made me late for lecture and i don't appreciate being called a thief. it's obvious i didn't take her purse! can i go now?

and i left, with crazy woman screaming hokkien obscenities at me. oh gosh. seriously man. i was like....what the fuck is this???? i was half expecting ashton kutcher to come popping out and say YOU'VE BEEN PUNK'D!! it's those fucking stupid things that happen only when someone's playing a prank on you laaa.

all these funny stupid shit keep happening to me. like that time another crazy woman just stood at the counter and looked at me. even when i asked her if she needed any help, she just....stood there. and looked at the clock. then at me. then at the table. and started drawing circles on it with her finger. and i'm juz looking at her, den at my colleague, den people queueing up behind her are looking at me and each other. and everyone's just confused.

so i try again, and say hello ma'am, can i help you with anything? and she does this creepy smile and giggles before skipping off. completely freaked out man. though it was pretty funny in a "woookaaaayyyyy that was weird" kinda way. haha. the incident this morning was juz....plain madness and stupidity!!!!!

argh. juz thinking about it makes me frustrated la. what the hell. ok calm. peace. sound of the waves. zen. haha.

ohhhhh on a much much brighter note! last friday was the jamX competition finals. basically bands competing for prizes. and liza's band DIE MIC STAND won! and because they won, i won too! a free apple ipod! though i'm starting to think that was a ruse to get pple to come! haha. i haven't gotten it and nobody has called me yet. we were s'posed to guess e champion band, and if we guessed correct, we get a chance to win it. so lucky laaa. this guy's name was called b4 me...but he went home already. and my name was second! hahahaha. pretty retarded la.

aaaaaannndddd the highlight of the week! phuket! phuket! i'm going to be flying off to phuket in a mere 6 hours! yay. can't wait can't wait. of course this means i'll be skipping lessons. but only a few!!! reallyreally. haha. but seriously, can i pass on this opportunity? it's phuket man! holidaaayyyyyy!

of course when i come back i hafta go to sch on the same day, so if u see me on wednesday, and i'm a zombie, jus shake me a little, and i'll be somewhat functional again. haha. friends, i shall try to get something from there for you. but if i don, will pictures be enough?? heeee.

byeeeeee!!!

2007-02-26T02:22:00.000+08:00

guys are so fucking unreasonable. there's always a need for them to pick a fight, and people say girls are the ones who pick at everything? sheesh. why do you think only guys go for ns...no, no, not that us, girls physically may not be able to handle it, but because guys finally have the reason to be all macho and show off their manly pride. yea, yea, guys may moan and groan about having to go for ns, but it's like they feel it's their right to complain about ns, isn't it? it's like..."oh i have to go for ns, daaaamnnn...comfort me now, woman. i'm going off for 2 years to learn to defend our country." or..."i'm only back for the weekend...you should free up your entire schedule to meet me, you should be honoured...i could be spending time with my family instead of you". ya like what the fuck. stop whining already.

ok i'm exaggerating. but the POINT is...guys are unreasonable. generally. and ns is just an example, not that i'm picking on ns guys or anything. haha. but the scenario above has happened like 10 trillion times, right, friends?

YOU are unreasonable, you have to admit it. i think i've lost count of how many times you've called me a bitch and actually meant it. and i feel like kicking myself...cos it seems like the same thing repeating itself. maybe it's me...i keep falling into this vicious trap of the highest highs and the lowest lows. i'm like one of those drug addicts, who know that shooting up is bad, but do it anyway. and the high is like me soaring in the skies, but when i come down, i crash and burn. but god, what is it with me and my insane need to keep hurting myself like this? i'm not naive, and i don't trust people easily, but somehow when i let my defenses slip a little, i just end up having to reinforce them with super strong concrete and UHU glue.

what is wrong with people like you? it's like you don't understand the words i'm saying. the reasons i'm giving for keeping a distance. and it's not a "fucking shit" reason as you put it. it's a perfectly damn good reason. and you don't seem to get it, cos you're like a little boy who can't get that GameBoy that he wants, so he won't listen to reason, and everyone has to put up with his whining and temper trantums. that's what you are. a spoiled kid throwing a fucking temper trantum. put aside that anger and those hateful words aside for a while and use that brain in your thick skull in a useful way for a second. THINK, moron, THINK.

how would you feel if your girl broke up with you, and went and dated your very best friend, the guy you grew up with you, the guy you trusted? and don't say you'd give them your blessings, idiot, cos i know if it really happened, you would be pissed off as hell. cos then you would start having second thoughts about that girl...that maybe, all the while, the relationship was just an act, that the love confession you pestered her into giving wasn't real. that maybe she's thrown away all the gifts you bought her, and is that the reason why she forgot your anniversary? cos why would she give a fuck anyway since....maybe she was USING you to get to your best friend, and congratulations, dipshit, you've been fooled. it'd only end in misery.

i told you once, didn't i? and you didn't listen. guys never listen!

friends. that's all we are, and that's all we'll ever be. get it through your thick skull, idiot.

# and. i swear i will punch you the next time you cross the line.

2007-02-14T22:48:00.000+08:00

happy valentine's day! haha.

ok ok i noe i haven updated for a super duper long time...but i guess i've juz been busy and everytime something interesting happens, i don have the energy to blog about it. haha.

valentine's is so not a big deal in NUS...it feels normal. haha except for the influx of chocolate. yummy. you know what?! i wanted to buy chupa chups today and it was actually SOLD OUT! at NTUC!!!! ahhh what is the world coming to? even 7-11 didn't have. whywhywhy??? haha. i'm nuts la.

went to munchie monkey's wit tracy and ju to watch liza perform and we laughed a lot throughout. can't really explain what it's about but......BWAHAHAHA. thinking about it makes me crack up again. haha. must be the air at YIH. haha.

i'm going to phuket next month! yayy. so exciting la. there's still school....buuuut nevermind la. once in a lifetime opportunity.

i'm juz rambling now. cos i can't seem to put my thoughts into proper words. haha. but i have to say i haven't laughed like i have today in the longest time. happy. happy.

whee.

2007-01-23T23:00:00.000+08:00

i really really really fucking hate customer service sometimes. you noe there's times when you get to meet really nice people, and you feel the world isn't such a horrible, screwed up place. those people who smile and greet you, make conversation and laugh. gosh. it almost feels surreal that there are actually nice people in the world. then there are those who go out of their way to ruin your day just because they don't want to pay 60 fucking cents! and they feel it's VERY unjust to pay the 60cents cos it was from some months ago and they knew NOTHING about it. so fucking what? you're rich enough to have a freaking gold ring and a BMW but suddenly you can't pay for your fine?

and why the hell can't people understand there are policies and rules and guidelines in e library like every other workplace? why the hell should i make an exception for one person just cos he's being bloody difficult?! god, i hate hate hate people who think the whole world is meant to revolve around them. so fucking idiotic. and stupid.

not my first difficult customer of course. i've had many when i was at orchard, so patience and control is familiar to me. and even though inside me, i felt like stabbing him and saying FUCK YOU BITCH!...i obviously could not. fuck la...

ok anyways luckily only one super difficult guy. the rest were all ok. especially this one guy, who said it's great that the library is so quiet now. he was really impressed...and somehow, i dunno how to receive compliments well, even if it's on behalf on someone else, so i juz smiled and said thank you. it really is a pleasure working when there are people who take the time to say how good your work is...truly.

hmm another guy that sticks out during work came close to closing time...and my brain was pretty fried by then. creepy guy la...he spoke so softly...and i didn't know what he was saying...so i had to stand up to get closer to him. and then i finally got it. i sat down again to do whatever, then when i looked up, i was super shocked, though i didn't show it...cos he was leaning so far over the counter that his face was right in front of me. the guy was tall so he didn't have a problem doing that. i had to slowly inch back and he was like asking where a book was in his creepy voice. haha. yea not many crazy pple in pasir ris, not as many as orchard...but still...funny man.

so that's my eventful day at work. school has been boring. but i really like SEAsian lectures. so funny laa...i jus had seasian tutorial today actually. had to form groups to do grp project...and i'm in a pretty ok group. i know two of them...so it's not awkward or anything. i had to go to school at 8am today for tutorial which was pure torture for me...e waking up part i mean. haha. i'm so sleepy now but i wanna watch cold case. when is it starting?!

oh you know whaaaat....there was some accident and the mrt trains going to pasir ris were all stopped. for like an hour. so lame la. had to get off at aljunied and take a shuttle bus to tanah merah. dunno what happened though...another jumper? sigh.

oh welll i can't really think of anything else to type....when's cold case starting?! is it even today? hmmm....

# keep holding on, cos you know we'll make it through.

2007-01-10T22:34:00.000+08:00

argh. did i mention i completely hate bidding for modules in NUS? of course i did. words cannot express my complete hate for it though! i had to go through bidding 6 freaking times cos i kept getting outbid for whatever module i wanted.

and now i'm stuck with this difficult geog. module which apparently is not recommended for first years. shit. shit. shitty shit. i foresee myself failing...but what to do la...it was one of the few which had a lot of vacancies...fuck la.

work was awful today. even though there weren't many pple, i felt half dead. super tired. and i can't stand those stupid students who come to the library. especially the malay ones. there were these two stupid minahs who kept taking photos in the library (and you're not supposed to), so i told them to stop taking photos. and yet they continued. twice i told them. and twice they said no, no, we're not taking pics. yeah right. bullshit man. i saw the lying idiots taking pics.

fuck la. i don't know why i feel so crappy today. i feel like my head's been crushed by a boulder and i've been run over thrice by a truck. yahh.

i watched BLOOD DIAMOND yesterday. it was awesome. gosh, it was hard-hitting and just...wow. leonardo di caprio's african accent was cool man. and it was so depressing...i think i cried like 3 times. and all the images. wow. shocking man. if you don't know what it's about...i'll give you a little summary.

it's about the illegal diamond trade in south africa...sierra leone if i'm not wrong. and the lives, and blood spilled just so richer countries can obtain diamonds at cheap prices. it's about the child soldiers in africa, how they still exist even now...how the innocence is corrupted. a father's struggle to find his family, separated from him when the rebel army attacked his village. a son's innocence taken away, replaced by a weapon.

wow i so do not mind watching it again. amazing.

anyways i watched Tetangga. it was damn funny la. really lifted my spirits. though now it's down again. what's with the mood swings...

# anger and agony is better than misery.

2007-01-06T19:23:00.000+08:00

oh say it isn't so...

bidding for modules is totally and utterly fucked up. i can't stand it. why do we need CORS anyway? they say it's to give everyone a fair chance...but it's so not fair when you're majoring in something that is so damn popular, and need 500 freaking pts just for one freaking module! arghhhh. and it's not like i'll change majors just cos it's too popular. this is what i want to do man.

but how am i supposed to compete when i have like 200points and someone else is bidding 2000points? ugh. hate bidding. HATE bidding. and tutorial balloting. haha. and so sad, i'm not taking french! cos i didn't have enough points. bloody hell.

it never ceases to amaze me how some pple are so damn stingy and have this insane thought that they are ALWAYS right and the people opposing him/her are wrong. there was this customer who went completely nuts over a measly $1.55. i was like....what the fuck? and she kept insisting, she already talked to another staff and they said the matter was resolved. and kept going on and on.......

until she realised that $1.55 was a different fine altogether. like.......

die, bitch, die. pple are always trying to argue with me, and saying they never borrowed the book, or the book was already returned, why the hell is there a fine, what the fuck is wrong with you? of course they're much more long-winded. haha. stupid shit man.

and i hate (ok maybe not hate...dislike very much) some primary school children who are so so so noisy!!!!! i had to 'patrol' e library today and gosh i had to tell these two girls who were giggling and giggling away to shut up thrice la. ok i didn't say 'shut up' but it took a lot of restraint not to. haha. so damn annoying la kids nowadays. growing up too fast, and thinking they're all that., with their designer bags and their new handphones. god, act your age, children! now is the time to be immature!!! jeez...

ahhh school is starting next week. so sad. no more lazing around. and waking up late. sighhhhhh. *cries* sleep, oh precious sleep. my timetable is so lame. i have a 4 hr break every other week on thu. buuuut i have no school on weds, every other week. haha. blame it on all the weirdo tutorial timings. sighhhh.and i had such a perfect timetable too. all spoiled thanks to CORS. ugh. haha.

by the way, to the 'you' person who tagged me. come on man, people who actually listen, know that joakim cannot sing. seriously man. maybe if you weren't so busy staring at his face (cos a lot of pple seem to think he's cute for some reason. not), then maybe you'd actually listen. and were you even watching countdown? you cannot tell me she did not look like a slut. cos she did! anyways i didn't say she WAS a slut. just that she looked like one. besides, i'm entitled to my own opinion, just like you are. so hey, if you think i'm a bitch and a slut for telling the truth, then so be it.

# this house is not a home.

2007-01-01T21:34:00.000+08:00

ok a belated selamat hari raya haji too all my muslims friends. and happy new year to everyone! oooh my first post of the year. how exciting. (right) haha. truth be told, apart from having to change the year when i write the date, 2006 and 2007 doesn't hold much difference to me. my last moments of 2006 were memorable though...

thanks to my dearest, lovely adibah, i went to countdown 2007 @vivocity. and loved it. haha. why? because of these two men. haha.

TAUFIK!

AND HADY!!

haha. yes yes i wa right in front of the stage, can you believe it? AHHH! haha. taufik is so cute. i'm in love with him again. *gushes and swoons* and and and hady stopped in front of me to pose for me cos i was holding my cam. but i think e flash wasn't on and the picture was blurry. sighhh. but nvm la. haha. i was screaming like mad when they came on. ahhhh...haha.

alrighty. so we were supposed to be there at 730. cos that's wen the party started. but we turned up at 930. haha. don think we missed that much. the crowd wasn't very happening. or very large. haha. anyways we were sitting at e back at first but halfway thru e show they let us be part of the mosh pit. wheeee.

so anyways the first band that i saw was very Korn. but very unglam and image was spoiled when the frontman slipped on some water on the stage. haha poor guy. but it was funny. whoops.

then stupid joakim came on to sing 'Geek in the Pink' and SPOILED it. AGAIN. and paul twohill came, wearing this pants with an X on his crotch which was hilarious. other little performances after, the main show started and gurmit came out in this michael jackson getup and even danced for us. haha.

his song (Pump It) was quite fun. cos we got to scream with him too. haha. and his dance moves aren't too bad. though it almost seems with all this hip-hop and shaving off his hair, he's going through a mid-life crisis. yeouch.

and then. AND THEN!!

Taufik performed! YAY! he's so cute la. and he dances so well. and he sings well too. even though not as nice as hady. but wow. i still love him. haha.

then during the commercial break, the s'pore idol girls came out. and i'm wondering where's rahimah rahim anyways. and emilee kang looked like such a slut yesterday. i was wondering which geylang street she came from. haha. i'm mean. but she really looked slutty!

hmm. then gurmit, joakim and paul did this stupid funny pck skit where they were breakdancing.

and i happened to catch e part where paul's wig almost fell off on film. haha.

yep. after that little comic skit, this band called Lucify performed. when i saw the ad for countdown 2007, i was like wondering who the hell they were. they weren't too bad. singapore's very own little visual kei band. haha. with one looking very disturbingly like an ah lian. haha. it would be the 2nd one from the right.

the one on the left in the picture below's the frontman. his hairstyle was SOLID man. haha. even though he was jumping around stage, his hairstyle remained as it was. haha.

then the singapore idol guys (minus jon and hady) performed. and they were positioned right in front of me so i took a couple of pictures. and i think jay noticed cos after a few shots, he looked straight at my camera to pose. haha. vainpot.

alrighty. their performance was...whatever la. they did an awesome song but they couldn't match up to The Raconteurs la. haha.

the project superstar runner up performed after them. his song sounded like a Hi-5 song cos he kept going L-O-V-E, L-O-V-E. haha. i was wondering where e winner was though. i like his voice.

then JJ Lim performed! haha. he's kinda cute la. though i have no idea who he is.

ok after that it was almost midnight and everyone was on stage, ready to countdown!! whee.

3.2.1.AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! haha.

guess who the guy below is!!!! haha.

any guesses? hmm hmm hmm????

YES! IT'S HADY MIRZA! haha. his song was awesome. rocking man.

haha. so cute.

jonathan leong was next. i've always like his attire. very smart. makes him look less of a beng. haha.

the performances after that were real crap. jaime teo (that ms singapore universe bimbo) really can't sing! she spoiled the song man. and the rendition of 'Sexy Back' was utter torture! it felt like sticking my ears in a blender. haha. anyways my camera was running out of battery so i decided to save it in case taufik or hady came out again! haha.

you know i don really remember where this picture is from but i think it's from the finale.

well. that was the end of 2006 for me. not a bad ending eh? there's been good and bad that happened in this past year. and my new year's resolutions for 2007 is to:

lose weight! i totally need to lower my BMI so i can join the police academy after i graduate.

get a driver's license!!!!! cos i failed my first try. and that completely sucks! *cries and mopes*

pull up my CAP score. cos i do not want to fuck up my chances of getting a degree.

learn a new language. which i will! FRENCH! bonjour bonjour! merci merci! haha. crazy crazy.

save money. well kinda self-explanatory isn't it? haha.

well i can't really think of anything else. i'm not gonna say something like be a better person, or be kinder or something, cos that should be something people do...goes without saying, doesn't it?

alrighty. this post is dedicated to this one person...without her, there wouldn't be pictures of hady or taufik.

ADIBAH! I LOVE YOU. THANKS SO MUCH!! haha. see you on thursday woman!!

HAPPY 2007 EVERYONE!

# little nicky!

2006-12-19T01:39:00.000+08:00

oh the drama of today. gosh, i never imagined a normal 3day2night chalet could turn out like this. normally i wouldn't talk about my family affairs...but this incident has gotten me thinking about some issues.

checked into the chalet yesterday. and it was all fine and fun. my family, my aunt's family, my mom's cuz family, u get the picture. normal family gathering. and yesterday was way fun. yes. barbecue, (or tried to cos it kept raining, but we finally did!), games, etc. except for this one incident where i got so fucking pissed off that i felt like wringing a certain person's neck. but that is not the focus of this entry.

and today was s'posed to be fun. but well, life is just fucked up that way. today was wild wild wet day. and we were all excited for it and stuff. my aunt (main character no. 1 of this incident) was s'posed to bring us but suddenly in the morning, her office calls. and unsurprisingly, she has to go back to the office cos of some stupid problem (cos it's common knowledge to us that her office is fucked up. and her working hours are shit. i shall not name the company...but everyone knows it) and so she goes back. me and my cousin go to wild wild wet and we're supposed to meet the rest there after my aunt comes back. but that doesn't happen till about 3?

ok so fine. came back and everything was still fun. everyone's in the chalet and i'm kinda in this zoned out mode, fell asleep three times and just watching frasier when suddenly my grandma (main character no. 2 of this incident) starts screaming. i'm like. hmm wtf just happened? i thought everyone was just talking and stuff.

and my aunt starts screaming back, crying and stuff. and they have this verbal match, childhood insecurities coming up, new insecurities coming up. the content of the argument isn't too impt...it's just at the end of it all, some of us are wondering exactly what they were fighting about. whatever it was, i'm left with more than 2 completely upset pple. because this incident affected lots of pple, like my mom, my mom's cuz.

anyways my grandma didn't want to go anywhere. not my aunt's house. not my house. she said she'll make her own way. and everyone, leave her alone. yeah like i'd do that. she'd have to cut off my legs and my arms (cos i'll prob drag my torso after her) then run me over with the cab she was trying to escape into and perform an exorcism on my spirit which would be following her. well you get the picture.

and my aunt, in all her misery and anger, left. understood it though. it would have been completely pointless to grovel and beg for forgiveness because my grandma is one stubborn woman.

but now my grandma is in my house. safe and sound. after two failed attempts at leaving. one involving a nice cabbie who offered his phone number and license number and to drive her straight home. (when she refused to let anyone in the cab, but i did get in anyway, and thus she got out)

but still. the fight was uncalled for. a misunderstanding perhaps, coupled with high tension and stress. my aunt, with her work, the stress from it, i think translating to the other aspects of her life. and her increasingly short temper. my grandma, with my aunt. and having to take care of her children and household, which is not an easy job. at all.

i can't say i'm siding with either one of them. because they're both at fault. because i had to witness my mother crying cos she was so affected by their fight. and i will always side with my mother.

and as i sit at my laptop on this sleepless night where i hope my grandma doesn't try to run away, trying to get my thoughts in order, (and my sunburn to stop hurting) i start to maybe understand why each continued to fuel the misunderstanding. i'm not saying it's right. but it's a part of human nature.

stress from work has always been a huge factor in people's lives. and my aunt is no different. i can't say i know how it feels like cos i have yet to experience it. but anyone in customer service should understand it. and i wonder how many pple let all their frustrations out on their families or friends due to the shit they face at work...it's no wonder families are broken, why children barely see their parents, why the aged barely see their children. there's a lot wrong with our society, but so what if i say it? nothing's being done to change it...nothing except making it worse. evolution. this is evolution.

when my grandma showed her stubborn side just now, just to defy my aunt, i thought she was just being unreasonable and moody. but upon further thought, i realised she's just being who she is. an old person. most of us do not have this burden that the aged have on their shoulders. what you may ask? when many just sit at home and don't work...when they call the retirement years the golden years?

dictionary.com- the meaning of 'old'

1. far advanced in the years of one's or its life: an old man; an old horse; an old tree.
2. of or pertaining to the latter part of the life or term of existence of a person or thing: old age.

getting older. at a certain age, it becomes clear that every single day may be your last. death. yes, we acknowledge it, but who really accepts it? how many pple can say they are ready to die tomorrow? being old is a blessing in a way, going through life, wiser. but it's a curse as well.

life. death. so close to it.

so maybe she wasn't moody. maybe she was just old, afraid. not just of death. but of loneliness, of abandonment. how many of us don't have a moment of weakness where we fear being left alone? magnified. ten times. twenty times. to be old, to fear being useless, obsolete. i can't imagine. not until i'm old. so. she wasn't being bitter. just old.

or maybe i'm thinking too much.

still. fights are common amongst family members. even fights are a blessing. to fight with a family member, to have a family. to have a mother, to have a brother, a father, an uncle, a niece, a grandma, a son, a daughter...would i rather fight with my mother? or be surrounded by the silence of not having one? i'll pick the former willingly, thank you.

i'm feeling completely depressed. and it seems negativity works well for my writing. and everything i'm thinking, everything i'm feeling, brings me to my own problems. my own fears. my own insecurities. my life.

my grandma wants to take her stuff from my aunt's house (cos that's where she's living now). would she really keep silent the rest of her life? no matter how much they fight, there will be regret in the end. and pure guilt.

talk of breaking off ties. now that's ridiculous to me. but not unheard. in my family, it had been done once a long time ago. will it happen again? it might. and i fear that i may be a main character in that drama if the day ever arrives. that is my biggest fear. more than any physical phobia i have. this is my insecurity.

so. if i am disowned one day, i would not ask myself where i would go. or what i would do. i would ask myself, will i ever see my mother again?

the weather seems to agree with the drama tonight. rain. thunder. lightning. pathetic fallacy, much?

#it's a choice you will soon regret. the pain is just too in depth.

2006-12-08T01:25:00.000+08:00

okie dokie. so exams finally end. sighhh. can't believe i had to wait like one week for my last paper. so did not have the mood to do the paper at all. sigh. actually went to expo for john little sale (again) just before the paper. haha. holiday-ish mood already.

right. so i wanna go out. and i'm so free. pple ask me out. please do. haha. i'm so bored at home. playing xbox, xbox and more xbox. while that is fun, i really do wanna get out of the house and reconnect with society every once in a while. haha.

spent a lot of money this past week. in ikea. and at the john little sale. man i'm a sucker for sales sometimes. i mean why get something when it's expensive. just wait la. den spend all your moolah. haha.

ok guess i'll be going to play xbox now. toodles.

2006-11-28T23:38:00.000+08:00

okie dokie. so exams have started. gawd had islam today. it was ok i guess, dunno whether i wrote crap, but i wrote stuff. so yay for that. haha. so one down, four to go. ugh. anime tmrw. and i'm in deep shit cos i haven seen all the films required for this course. so i'm basically screwed. praying i'll be lucky tmrw. haha.

ikea is opening on thur! yay! finally. it actually sorta opened already la...but big opening is on thur. woohoo. going on friday. definitely. and it so not ikea TAMPINES. it's like much nearer to pasir ris. damn all these technicalities. haha.

i'm thinking i should be studying right now. hmmm. i haven started on anime. duhh. haha. got back my anime paper, and yay, presentation was A- and paper was a (pathetic) B-. but hey, at least the presentation rocked! got back my js paper too. and boy, i was like laughing when i read my tutor's comments on the train. gawd, there was one which cracked me up. i quote: "get a dictionary and use it". haha.

he's so damn sarcastic laaa. haha. but anyways we got a B so whatever la. there was another grp which got D and he put there, your group handed this in late,but i won't penalise you, because your grade is bad enough. like omg. haha.

alrighty i guess i should study now. sighhh. can't wait for exams to be over. i just wanna kick back and relax man.

nitee.

# sam. dean. sam. dean. SAM.

2006-11-22T04:03:00.000+08:00

it's about 4 in the morning...and i'm in my school library, rotting away (actually trying to study...but same difference. haha) and listening to music. right now, blink-182 is playing. nice song. so far, the studying thing's not working too well cos i'm a procrastinator...and i get distracted. really easily. sighh. the music thing rocks though. haha.

tracy and juling are here too. and they're actually studying. or juling seems to be. tracy looked like she was about to fall asleep reading islam notes but now she's eating an apple.

man, i'm juz rambling...trying to waste more time. haha. the school is kinda creepy at night (as are all huge buildings) and it's so silent that it's loud. haha.

i went to jurong swimming complex today! water park, like wild wild wet...but it's like a $1 entry fee. i chose to ignore my friend's comment about seeing a cockroach in the water and surprise, surprise, it was relatively clean. haha. it was pretty fun. no pictures though. cos i would have just died if my camera got wet. haha.

nice place. cheap too. so i wanna go again! i wish it were a little (or a lot) nearer to home though. haha.

went to vivo again yesterday. bumped into tons of people and had someone to say hi to everywhere i turned. once again, went to toys'r'us cos that place is awesome. spent like over 3 hours there. man, that place is a freaking playground! haha. and i even bought stuff. what can i say, i don't wanna grow up, i'm a toys'r'us kid! (that's from their theme song by the way...helluva irritating song that kept repeating and repeating and repeating.......)

supposed to go to the wading pool on the rooftop park, but it was raining! so sad! twice this has happened. dammit.

my mood is totally improving. i feel like the sun is finally shining down on me, and the rain has gone away, though ironically, it rained yesterday and just now. haha.

hmmmm...happy!

blame the high-ness on my lack of sleep. god, i can count the number of hours of sleep i've had in the past 5 days. hmm...1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...hmm 8 hours altogether! haha. wheeeeee~

# sleep. need sleep. can't sleep. shit. sleeeeep.

2006-11-19T20:44:00.000+08:00

i'm supposed to be feeling happy. but i feel kinda sad. it's tough trying to smile nowadays. everything's just a blur, and i think...i'm thinking too much. this is bullshit. i wanna breathe...i can't. i wanna tell myself everything will be ok...when someone asks me how i am, i wanna say i'm not fine.

i want to scream so loud that my throat will become raw. i want to hit something so hard that my knuckles will bleed. i want to run so far that i'll collapse from not being able to breathe. i want to jump so high that when i come down, i'll break my leg. i want to do everything so much, that i'll have nothing.

i wish i could tell you my fears, my desires, my likes, my dislikes...but i can't seem to open my mouth. i wish i could tell you what i feel...but i can't. you told me once, that you would wait, but i don't want you to wait anymore...just don't wait, ok?

# i am not afraid to walk this world alone.

2006-11-18T00:35:00.000+08:00

thank you all friends and family who wished me happy birthday. the funniest thing happened la. cos my mom's birthday is the day before mine, i bought her a cake in secret. and surprised her. and suddenly at 12am, on my birthday, everyone came into my room with a cake too. haha. so we ate cake twice la.

juz now went out with e family to eat at banquet. man i was so damn full. ate yummy fried fish soup. and mee taimak (finally) which doesn't taste so nice anymore. sighh..after that my aunt brought me and my cousin to swensens to eat ice cream. and oh mi gosh...felt like puking after that. so damn full! haha.

well, i'm 19 now. i'm not gonna do all that reflecting on my life shit...cos all that matters is the now. not the past. yeah.

....feel old. haha.

# disenchanted.