It ends with a hey

I'm tired, I'm busy

And you wonder

When you started

Making excuses

Making up reasons

So you could be alone

And when you started

Referring to him

As that guy

Or who are you talking about?

Or nothing

It ends with a hey

I'm tired, I'm busy

So goodbye

_________________________

arts camp is next week, and truthfully, i'm not feeling as excited as i thought i'd be. there's a lot on my mind, a lot i want to say, yet i find myself grasping for the words to express the jumbled up crap in my head. i just wish life were simpler, that people were easier to understand, that i could understand myself.

the long silences are awkward and uncomfortable. most of all, it's numbing. the laughter is forced, smiles are pasted on. it's not real, i don't feel the sincerity of my words, i don't feel anything genuine about my actions. all i feel is frustration and confusion. why am i here? why are we here? i don't get it. and i just want to run away from it all. it scares me that i don't want to come back.

maybe i just wanna stop thinking.

maybe i just don't know what i want.

but maybe. it's not you.