Tuesday, November 13, 2007
i drove today. after many many months of not touching the steering wheel. it was fantastic.
there's really a sense of freedom and liberation. from all the troubles and stress of exams, bad relationships. everything that's bad in life, for that 15 minutes when i drive, it's all forgotten. it's just me and the road. for once i can control something..this machine, this car. unlike many things in my life, i am actually in charge. turn left, the car will turn left.
and yet, control can be lost so easily. an accident. a breakdown. the traffic lights. having to have a certain air pressure in the tyres. even when you think you control something, it's not complete. and when i think deeper into it, it's not just me and the road. it's me, the road, the people in the car, the lives i'm responsible for. one wrong turn may end in disaster. and yet, as i speed down the expressway, these factors do not worry me. i see the road, i hear the engine. when it gets too loud, i change gears accordingly. my hands move automatically.
i can forget everything. but when that car stops, thoughts just flood my mind again. how many days left to the exams. what words you'll say to hurt me. why i feel that sometimes my existence is meaningless..that i'm just this one little person in this big world who'll never make a difference.
but for those 15 minutes, it's just me and the road. nothing more, nothing less.
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