Move Along.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

YESSA. sisely is out of the next PCD. yes i watch it la. shh. i love asia. and melissa s. and melissa r. and chelsea. the other two, i don mind them. haha. wow getting so exciting. down to the final 6.

i have an exam tmr! my second paper. nus is freaking slow. friends at ntu are already chilling out. and cutting hair. and shopping. no fair.

ate manymany cheese fries today. cos me and anna went to study at simei banquet. or sort of studied. haha most of the time we were laughing over stupid things, me more than her, i dunno why but i found everything funny. and planning her 21st. haha.

ok i shall attempt to read over ss notes. and switch off the tv. oh no! miami ink.

22:55

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

i have a toothache. and it fucking HURTS. i can't even chew properly. and have been reduced to eating porridge. and my jaw is swollen.

people keep telling me to go the dentist. but i'm pretty sure the dentist will accidentally poke a blood vessel in my mouth and blood will start gushing out. after which i will proceed to die from blood loss or from choking on my blood, whichever comes first. so no, i will not take the risk.

18:00

Sunday, November 25, 2007

stab me now please. the worst has happened.

no, not exams. i'm pretty sure i'm doomed for that anyways so i have accepted it.

it happened.

man u. LOST. to. BOLTON!

OH MY GOD. WHAT THE FUCK.

i'm gg to study now. with a broken heart and an empty spirit. come back rooney.

14:37

Friday, November 23, 2007

it's 4.30pm. my first exam, and probably the most difficult to me, is starting in 21 and a half hours. it kind of sucks that my paper is on a saturday...but oh well, whatever.

it's been a weird week. i'd like to believe everything will be alright next week, but it'd be better to not delude myself. preparations for exams are actually a blessing this week...it takes my mind off things, off the fighting, off the issues that seem to be clouding my mind lately. for once, i can say i want to do nothing more but study.

yesterday was spent rolling around on the floor, literally. my tummy was in such pain, it felt like there was someone poking a hot rod from inside it. went to the doctor on the insistence of my mom, and i found out i had stomach flu. plus there might be a problem with my appendix. which means if i don't get better in e next few days, it's off to the A&E with me.

ya right. as if i'll miss stats to get cut open. nothankyou. e medicine is making me damn sleepy though. which sucks. cos all e words in my textbook are blurry. blah. i shall continue studying now. would you like to know about linear regression? i think not.

let's just say happy birthday to irda. and danial, happy belated.

countdown. 1 day.

# ouch.

16:30

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

I think I'm drowning
Asphyxiated
I want to break the spell
That you've created

You're something beautiful
A contradiction
I wanna play the game
I want the friction

You
Will be the death of me
Yeah, you
Will be the death of me

Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

But our time is running out
But our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out

I wanted freedom
Bound and restricted
I tried to give you up
But I'm addicted

Now that you know I'm trapped
Sense of elation
You'd never dream of
Breaking this fixation

You
Will squeeze the life out of me

Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

But our time is running out
But our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out

How did it come to this?

Ooh ooh ooh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Ooh ooh ooh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Ooh ooh ooh yeah yeah no no nooo

Yeah, you
Will suck the life out of me

Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

But our time is running out
But our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out

How did it come to this?

Ooh ooh ooh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Ooh ooh ooh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Ooh ooh ooh yeah yeah no no nooo

- Muse

_________________________

sometimes you find a perfect song that describes a certain moment. and this song has been on replay the entire day. it reminds me how little time i have left to my first paper. haha. such an apt song, cue the impending doom.

countdown. 4 days.

on a brighter note. happy birthday to cindy, and happy belated bday to theodora and beng. =]

# time IS running out.

20:34

Sunday, November 18, 2007

it's done. it's happened. i'm 20. haha. no more teasing friends about them being old. now that i'm not 19 anymore. haha. thanks to all my lovely friends for your well wishes. thanks to my family and relatives for throwing a party for me! haha.

when i was a kid, birthdays used to be about presents and cakes and parties. now when i turn a year older, i think about the person i am, the person i was, the person i've become. the person i want to be. i wonder if i've lived up to the expectations of the people i love, if i've disappointed them...or if i've made them proud. mostly i think about my mommy and how she carried me in her for 9 months, how she nurtured me from an egg to this 20 year old. and i wonder what i'm doing to make her life good. and i realise...nothing. absolutely nothing.

i just exist. for 20 years, i've just existed and depended. i haven't contributed to making her life more comfortable. i've taken and i've received. but what have i given to her? people always say the chance for a child to take care of a parent comes when he/she has grown up, starts working, gotten married. so does that mean the only way i can make her life better is when i have the money to do so? whatever happened to that concept of 'little things' which can put a smile on a person's face? sincerity, love, being filial. it's just not enough.

sometimes i feel my view of life is so jaded. but sometimes, it's just true. ultimately, it's not how much i love my mother that matters. it's the 5 room HDB flat i can buy to provide a home for her. it's not how my jokes can make her laugh. it's the food i can put on the table. ultimately, it's not love that keeps you from going hungry. it's money.

after all, money makes the world go round. no matter how much people want to believe otherwise. but maybe it's that hope that there's something better than the superficiality of our lives that keeps us surviving in this materialistic world. i don't know. i don't know what to think anymore.

i just know that i have exams in less than a week. and i haven't started studying. and that i'm 20 and practically an adult. but what have i done to make a difference?

# happy birthday to me.

20:36

Friday, November 16, 2007

to celebrate anna's first day out after being stuck at home with chicken pox, we went out on wednesday. ah civilisation. my favourite moment : finding wally. haha. we went to popular and stood at the bookshelf until we found wally and friends in all the pages of book 1. i am so getting the entire series! plus dr. seuss books. plus roald dahl books. definitely some of the nicest books i've ever read. haha.

today was the last day of school. reading week starts. exams are in a week. sighhhh. we finally handed up our stats report, marking the end of any projects for this year. big thanks to yenmei who compiled and edited everything. seriously wow job woman. haha. and thanks for the cheesecake on wed too! so yummyyy.

today is also my mommy's birthday! well at least another 50 minutes left. which means i'll be 20 in another 50 minutes! old. ancient. i'm no more in my tens. i'm in the twenties. eeeeh. anyways i've always thought it was really cool that my mom's bday is the day before mine. haha. maybe she partied too much in 1987. and i popped out. haha. whatever.

my stats group above (minus one). same pose. except for anna, who had a blur moment and din noe we were doing any pose. haha. anyways anna! thanks for the present! i shall look at it everyday. especially amanda bynes. my second true love if i were a guy. haha.

23:03

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

i drove today. after many many months of not touching the steering wheel. it was fantastic.

there's really a sense of freedom and liberation. from all the troubles and stress of exams, bad relationships. everything that's bad in life, for that 15 minutes when i drive, it's all forgotten. it's just me and the road. for once i can control something..this machine, this car. unlike many things in my life, i am actually in charge. turn left, the car will turn left.

and yet, control can be lost so easily. an accident. a breakdown. the traffic lights. having to have a certain air pressure in the tyres. even when you think you control something, it's not complete. and when i think deeper into it, it's not just me and the road. it's me, the road, the people in the car, the lives i'm responsible for. one wrong turn may end in disaster. and yet, as i speed down the expressway, these factors do not worry me. i see the road, i hear the engine. when it gets too loud, i change gears accordingly. my hands move automatically.

i can forget everything. but when that car stops, thoughts just flood my mind again. how many days left to the exams. what words you'll say to hurt me. why i feel that sometimes my existence is meaningless..that i'm just this one little person in this big world who'll never make a difference.

but for those 15 minutes, it's just me and the road. nothing more, nothing less.

00:59

Sunday, November 11, 2007

haha sunnyyyy. fine. here's our family photooooo. i was tempted to put makeup on mommy but i don think he'll appreciate it much. haha. (juz imagine ok.hahahha.) johnny, next time u must join us for the family outings!

man u VS. blackburn tonight. 1055pm. i think. cools. rock on man u.

and today's nov 11th.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ETHEL!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEILING!

15:14

Saturday, November 10, 2007

there's a reason why there are stickers on my face. i'm not a nutcase or anything. oh well i guess i am. haha. what was supposed to be a day celebrating teekay and ethel's bdays turned out to be a celebration for mine as well! haha. i was really surprised la. cos my bday isn't even this week. it's next week. haha what the hell. i was only supposed to stall teekay and ethel so the rest could set up the celebration. but in the end, when we reached the place, i kena sabo-ed!

though it was kind of embarassing, it was pretty fun. the three of us had to go through a series of tasks, very much a reminder of oweek. ohmigosh. one of them was that we had to somehow make a potato chip fall into our mouth from our foreheads la. so difficult. haha. lots of spinning with a pole, skipping, maths problems which i could not solve, obviously. haha. probably one of the more whackier bday celebrations i've had.

so this is before the celebration.

and this is after. i think it's a good look. hahahahaha.

so thanks arts club gang. you really made my day.

went for dinner with ju, bryant/mommy, anhong and many after that. at botak jones. the food is yummy. we ate the burger. the patty is so thick and greasy and fattening. mmm. haha. after that me, ju and mommy were supposed to go to tamp to watch stardust. buuut. no more good seats left. so we went to cartel to eat cakes. and i'm so sorry i got the bus timings mixed up mommy. i really thought e last bus was at 2359 hours. haha. so in the end, we went to watch the midnight movie. wheee. stardust is nice! claire danes is prettyyyy.

and why i'm calling bryant mommy? haha. it's a long story. but he is one. to us brothers, frankie, sunny and johnny. it's ok. only a select three people know what i'm talking about, myself included. haha. we're one big happy family! who likes playing psp. at which mommy sucks at. tsktsktsk.

oh YA. on the topic of PSPs. i got one! i'm so happpyyyyyy. all in all, the how many days of this month that has passed has been awesome. (minus the deadlines and papers and projects and shit) celebrating bdays of babies born in november, buying stuffs, it has been great.

and today's nov 10th. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAK IDA! there's way too many kids born in november. haha. oh well. fun-ness.

# another day, another birthday to celebrate.

16:53