i've been laying down in my bed for the past hour and sleep is not coming. people say you should do something else instead of trying to sleep if you can't sleep...so that you'll get sleepy. well people are obviously wrong. cos i'm not getting any sleepier. i think i'm becoming more awake.
i've had the most depressing thought ever all of a sudden after listening to this song about heartbreak and shit like that while surfing blogs. so many pple are talking about how happy they are to be in relationships, or planning marriages, blah blah blah. and it occurred to me that i might actually rot my life away all ALONE. gosh. i never really thought about not having a husband or a family...but it's actually a possibility with my jaded outlook on all things love.
how depressing. i feel like writing to some agony aunt. my letter will probably go something like this.
Dear whatsyourname,
It seems my wandering mind has once again led me to a crossroads. I've never written before about my problems, but it seems I am at a loss as to what to do now. I have a pretty whack idea of what love is and what relationships are all about...and because my take on the just mentioned is so dark and negative, I fear I might live my life alone. So while my friends may be married with two kids and one more on the way, i might be living in my one-room apartment, watching Spongebob Squarepants with no one to laugh with me over patrick's stupidity. What an empty and depressing life it is, having no one to say "Patrick's a total idiot" too!
You may say that I'm being too pessimistic and everyone will find their soul mate one day, but with how my relationships have always ended so badly, I'm inclined to say the chances of me finding my soul mate is about as high as Jared Padalecki turning up at my doorstep and proposing to me. Is it just me? Am I not patient enough with my respective half? Because fights were often in my last relationship, and no, fighting is not another form of love. Will I ever get married and have kids? What advice can you give me so my tortured and confused mind can rest?
Lonely, 19
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i think i'll go shoot myself now. haha. i feel so much better now that i've made light of the situation. i don think i'll end up alone...hey i'm being optimistic for once! shocking. but seriously, if i'm not married by 27, my mom and kaypoh aunts will probably go find me a husband. hopefully, someone who isn't balding or has 2 kids already. i might not want to be alone...but hey i wouldn't be that desperate. (not that there's anything wrong with balding men with 2 kids. no offence dudes....even though i think no balding men with 2 kids read my blog. ok i'm rambling now)
poor lakisha is out though it's expected. but it's still sad. cos part of me was STILL hoping melinda would be out by some miracle. or maybe jordin. cos their performances are getting oh-so-boring. their voices are awesome. but they're only good for power ballads. so uninteresting. not like BLAKE (sighhh) or lakisha (who is so comfortable in her skin that i'm full of respect for her)...hopefully blake isn't eliminated next round. GO BLAKE!
here's an emo poem for all the lonely people out there, feeling completely depressed and unwanted. remember, there's someone for everyone...it's not you, it's them.....ok obviously motivational speaker is crossed off from my job prospects list.
Drinking up the liquor of your shattered dreams,
Listening to the jukebox and the clinking of glasses,
Swaying left and right, having nothing to lean on,
Just a broken heart and this sad, depressing love song.
It's too bright the next morning and it's too loud,
Your mouth's too dry and your body won't move,
Yet, your heart keeps on breaking,
And the shattering, it's just too loud.
There's nothing rooting you to the ground,
Nobody's going to catch you when you fall anymore,
There's nothing supporting you when you're down,
Nobody's listening, to the sound of your heart breaking.
____________________
oh the emo-ness of it all. i suppose my melancholic state can be attributed to the month of may. haha. nah. i'll just stop here. for now.
# I wonder if you're as lonely as I am.
