Friday, November 10, 2006
i'm not too sure of anything in my life anymore. there's a lot of thoughts in my head, and it feels like my head's about to burst. i can't sleep. i really want to sleep properly. but i can't. i keep thinking. and worrying. problems, problems, problems. i'm gonna get freaking crease lines on my face from frowning so much. fuck.
for one, i'm starting to wonder if going to uni was a mistake. if going to jc was a mistake. maybe i should have gone to poly. then i could have found a job right after. i wouldn't be worrying about money. i wouldn't be trying to find another part time job. of course, then i think, it's too late to be wondering about this. i'm already here, at this point in my life. i can't turn back time.
i'm worried about the future. not future, as in 10 years from now. future, as in a week, a month. i'm worried about the now too. what's gonna happen? how am i to help? how am i to lessen the burden? and i feel like some useless leech, i can't do shit. ah so fucked up, so bloody fucked up.
i feel like i'm floating further and further away from my friends. i haven't seen my best friends since like what...forever? i don't tell them things. but then again, i've never really told anyone much. and i crazy or something? i wanna say stuff, but my mouth just clamps up whenever i wanna tell them something personal. man, i have issues. but who doesn't?
ah fuck la. just let me wallow in self-misery. i'll smile and laugh. i promise.
# ladeedum. it ends tonight.
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