Monday, January 31, 2005
omg. PE was horrible. terrible. a total catastrophy. i HATE pe. i felt lyke killing someone.
ok so first we were taken on a 'tour' of e sch. jog around e basketball court, fitness corner, track area...den jogged UP to the 3rd floor...den to e 2nd floor, den up and down some stupid stairs, den back down to the first floor...den around the track. fine....so we jogged. ok dat was tiring but not too bad.
den we did sit ups. ok dat was fine.
den OMG. he made a fool of us in front of all the classes having PE!!!! ahhhhh!!! god knows what we were doing...dis stupid crawling thing where u extend ur hands den catch up wif ur feet. and i was lyke fuck. and e worst part was...i was facing the bloody classes. and MY class. and juling was laughing! and caroline was laughing! ok i bet everyone was laughing. so i started laughing. oh my god. so soo sooo embarassing. so i gave up and crawled instead. even that was...haiz.
(thank god CG wasn't dere)
today...
i find that i truly hate PE. or maybe juz e shit he forces us to do. (but hey, according to him...we're all getting fitter. woohoo, mr foo. *deadpans*)
i din see CG at all. but tracy did. grr.
dere's desperate housewives!!! woot~
#lost a day. lost a love...
20:43
Saturday, January 29, 2005
i'm back. finally.
so much talk about being in love and in like and whatnot. friends with boyfriends, with girlfriends. friends who have crushes on other pple. me in like with CG. but whatever.
deep down in my heart...
i don't believe in love. at least the love which supposedly exists between gfs and bfs. u say u love someone, tt u can't live without someone...until ur relationship turns sour. den u say, things juz didn't work out. i'm sorry, it wasn't you, it was me. is dat really love?
...oh go fuck yourself.
to me. love is hurt. love is pain. simple as dat, yet so bloody complicated.
#love is everything and nothing.
23:56
there's a bunch of screaming kids behind me. reminds me of road race yesterday. haha. but dey're screaming for...i dunno why. maybe cos one started and e rest followed. chain reaction. but they're cute. nice long long indo sounding names lyke suliska, sulistiara. nice rite. haiz. dere's dis cute lil girl called halimah too. sweet. i want ameera. she's not here. dammit.
found CG on friendster. ahh~ (tracy i am so not obsessed) so cute la.
aniwaes. i only caught a glimpse of rayyan today. even tho it's his special day. now e kids are screaming out...
IT'S MY LIFE!!!!
oh god. my eardrums are gonna burst. help me help me!! my stupid cuz juz screamed into my ear. stupid bitch. haha.
hafta do a bloody love poem for gp. how meaningless. i'm prob gonna write some depressing out of love shit.
oh well e kids are fighting now. star wars style. haha.
juz found out dis person whom i thot was quite decent is actually a total bitch/bastard/jerk/etc. sheesh.
i wanna trade in my fone for nokia. can't stand e sms function in dis sony ericsson. haha. oh wells. shall get another one when i get my pay.
e kids are a bunch of hooligans. heeeeellllllppppp.
18:56
Friday, January 28, 2005
wow. saw CG (e one i think i like. see past entry.) during recess. dey juz had pe i tink. tracy was e one who pointed CG out. den we passed by CG. tracy thinks i'm obsessed. shut up.
den saw CG again wen i was talking to dee. looked so happy, laughing. wif frens of course. CG's not crazy. laughing alone. haha.
din see CG anymore after dat. not even at e road race. but understandable. dere were juz too many pple. haha. aniwaes me and dee juz walked e WHOLE way. a lot of pple were. haha. and at e finishing line, we were holding hands and my clazmates were lyke screaming at me to run. haha watever la. i'd rather not cross e finishing line looking all unglam and sweaty. sheesh.
aniwaes. phobos won OBVIOUSLY. won e girls cup and overall. heh. we rock. our claz and dis other claz were cheering so loudly. we were lyke e ONLY ones who were enthu la. haiz. hope dere's another claz in j1 who's as enthu. if not phobos will be lyke...gone.
we're playing angel-mortal game wif our juniors. as in 05A301. (we're in o4A301 by e way) it was quite funny. caroline and ra were so enthu about it. cos of a certain guy. sheesh. too bad CG isn't in dat claz. aniwaes dun even noe whether dat claz noes dey're playing too. sheesh. shall go on friendster to find out who my mortal is now.
hmm think i found my mortal. ok. looks familiar. shall go find CG now. oh yah tmr dere's kenduri for rayaan's 1 month bday. yay.
toodles~
19:21
Thursday, January 27, 2005
had cny rehearsal today. did nothing basically. juz sat in the lt for lyke 3 hours? haiz. so boring. but at least could watch e other groups rehearsing.
malay dance, indian dance, modern dance. all cool la.
aniwaes...
glimpse of someone. which got me staring.
cute la. heh. tee kay. hmm.
haha. sweet.
in like? maybe. *sigh*
can't wait for school tmr. hehe.
~cute. short. sweet. braces. My Eighth Lesson In Soul Searching Ability.
20:59
Monday, January 24, 2005
i'm happy.
are you?
20:39
Saturday, January 22, 2005
i want the truth from you...
even if it hurts me.
we've been thru a lot, haven't we? from dat first moment i saw you. till now. it's been more than a year...close to 2?
and now...i guess it's meaningless for me to keep going on and on about you, me, us. wat we had, wat we could have had and wat we will never have.
instead...i wanna forget. but i know it's gonna be tough. especially wif that painful reminder i haf to face everyday. but i'm gonna try. and even if i fail...at least i know, since i tried...i'm getting over everything.
maybe you may think i'm juz afraid of starting again. and guess what? you're right. maybe i'm afraid of the hurt and pain i might feel in the future. you promise nothing bad will happen. but how do you know nothing bad will happen?
you may ask me how i noe something bad will happen? let's juz say...i learn from my mistakes. and pple lyke you...will never change.
you may think i'm being a bitch about it. but think back on what you did. and put yourself in my shoes. would you still think the same?
today, we talked about marriages and relationships. and i realised...maybe i dun wanna be committed to anyone. i dun wanna be tied down. and more imptly, i dun tink i can ever fall in love. call me cynical...but love...is juz another four letter word. pple may think dey noe what love is...but who knows the true meaning of love when it's so loosely used nowadays?
maybe i'm young and haf no experience. so what right do i haf to talk about love?
not being able to sleep without thinking of you. always looking forward to your smses and phone calls. your smile lighting up my dark and depressed world. your laugh still in my mind even after days of not hearing it. each tear that you shed, like a thousand knives stabbing at my heart. thinking about our times together, getting me through my darkest days. knowing without you in my life would be meaningless. wishing time and time again things hadn't turned out so bad.
do all these run in the mind of someone in love?
did it happen to you? did you fall in love?
did it all mean anything to you?
you say it did...
but maybe...
it just wasn't enough. or maybe...it was just too much. i'm sorry.
01:24
Thursday, January 20, 2005
went out wif jules and tracy today.
man i had a blast. i love you two. heh. yep so aniwaes...went to eat first...cos we were all dying of hunger. haha. went to kfc. yummy cheese fries. cheeeeessseeee~
haha den walk walk. sooo dumb. we were lyke trying on glasses and hats and taking pics. it was sooo funny. haha. especially tracy and her beach hat. haha. i still haf e pic. dunno how to upload tho...
yep. so we ate dis yummy ice cream. i love it. and it's low fat. haha. cool.
went far east after dat. walk ard. went to the atticus shop! saw my 45 bucks t shirt again. haiz. i want it so bad. but i haf no money. sheesh. i even took a pic of it. haha. i took a pic of the shop too. e guy working dere muz tink i'm a psycho. haha.
den took neoprints! oh man dat made me laugh so so sooo much. tracy! monkey! hahahaha! i shall try to scan e neoprints. oh man...dat was probably one of the wackiest neoprints ever.
got my taufik cd today! i so so love the last track. cos it's so sweet. it's entitled 'ibu' which means mother. it's e milk ad song...e one dat goes...
ibu, ibu...engkaulah ratu hatiku...
haha. i forgot e milk brand tho. but it's nice. e whole cd's very r n b...quite nice la. tho taufik doesn't look too nice in some of the pics. but it's ok. i still love him. haha.
yep. so i'm home. i'm damn sleepy. but i wanna watch hellsing. dammit. why muz dey show it so late? haiz nvm.
"Ibu ibu, engkaulah ratu hatiku." -P.Ramlee. (yep. written by him. he's the coolest.)
22:30
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
"...i always thought you two were close..."
i guess i thought so...
"...these things are not within our control..."
really? guess so...
"fall for the wrong pple too..."
i always fall the wrong pple. stop it, you stupid girl.
smile when i wanna cry,
laugh when i wanna die,
say nothing when i wanna scream,
do nothing about those beautiful dreams.
when you ask me if i'm feeling alright,
i'll say i'm fine, and you won't know that i lied,
the truth is, i just wanna ask why,
everytime i ask you, you'll ignore me and sigh.
i don't know what did go wrong,
we've been friends for so long,
i don't know what you want now,
be friends again...but how?
you left me just like that,
you left me broken and sad,
you left me, my soul was dead,
you left me...
was there no regret?
= cos the more you put me through, the more i wanna come back to you. = Eminem
22:00
Sunday, January 16, 2005
singapore has won the tiger cup.
kudos to our goal scorers...indra sahdan, agu casmir...
lionel lewis was damn good. wow most valuable player of the tournament sia. congrats congrats...
kudos to the rest of the team too, mani, bennett, dickson, khaizan, aide, t.c. goh...alah all of them la.
also to the coach and fandi...
poor aide. crying his heart out cos he kena sent off. all cos of stupid penalties. but den guess he's at fault too.
baihakki khaizan is hot la. but he din perform well tonight.
defense wasn't very good...i think e 1st leg match was more kicking. but...in the end THE LIONS came out tops.
2-1
haf to say i'm damn proud of our team. they really improved. they muz be feeling overwhelmed la...winning on home soil. wow. good job.
wish i had gotten tix in time. shit. i think i would haf screamed my heart out. especially wen aide iskandar held that cup up.
congrats singapore...wow soccer seriously unites the nation. almost lyke national day...maybe even better. can't wait for our school soccer team to win the championship. heh.
hear the lions roar.
22:02
yep. well...i was changing my friendster photos...and i looked thru all the pics in my comp.
realised how much i miss my old friends...can't even go out wif dem...
every day is lyke...wake up, school, tuition, sleep. same old routine...
haiz. complain complain complain only la...haha.
dis is a super meaningless post. shall go kill myself now.
toodles~
14:49
me and fariza in the taxi...on e way to the wedding reception. heh...fariza looked lyke a bride too...dressed in white. woot~ 
14:48
fariza and ama...
14:48
oscar and me. tch...spoil my photo only la dis guy...nv wanna smile. hmph.
14:47
us at ama's bro's wedding reception.from the left: wei liang, oscar, me, fariza, ama and wilson.
14:47
fariza and ama...haiz i miss these girls...
14:45
me and wilson...
14:45
tracy and me. haha we look demented...
14:44
tracy, me and ama...at fariza's open houz. juz decided to put them up now cos i miss SR. haha.
14:43
Saturday, January 15, 2005
highlights of the week.
pierced my ear again. heh.
noddy cracks me up.
lost weight. wowwww.
i haf irritating juniors.
uncovered one of my fav comp games. only to find out it can't be installed in my comp. fuck.
found out someone i din lyke wasn't dat bad.
found out someone i lyke wasn't dat nice.
mine and tracy's 1984 blog has a 'fan'. haha. funny shit.
i love tracy. i love jules. i love tracy and jules.
....
...
..
.
i'm quite bored. seriously. and...i can't wait to get my taufik cd.
and...i want to play RAGE. goodnite~
23:42
i'm baffled. i'm confused. i'm hurt. i'm disappointed. but most of all...
i'm angry.
i don't know what you expect of me. i don't know why you're trying to worm your way into my life. i don't know why you want to know so much when you yourself never tell me anything. i don't know what you want. i don't know what i'm supposed to say.
i'm angry because i don't know what the fuck i did.
i'm angry because i thought i knew you but i don't.
i'm angry because you make me feel so damn guilty.
i'm angry at myself. for thinking you're such an angel. i'm angry at myself because in the past, i thought you were such a sweetheart. and you turned out to be such a selfish little bitch.
i'm angry at myself because i loved all those wonderful times we had together...and now i find they're just a fucking painful reminder.
i'm angry at myself for letting you make me feel so damn guilty.
tell me. talk to me. make things clear to me. tell me what the fuck it is you want because i'm sorry, i can't read your mind.
ah fuck.
I can't forgive,
Can't forget,
Can't give in what went wrong,
Cos you said this was right,
You fucked up my life.
-what went wrong?-
00:20
Sunday, January 09, 2005
i had the weirdest dream...
dat left me sitting up and looking wildly around. a dream dat left me....shaken.
a dream dat left me...thinking maybe it would be so much better if we didn't talk to each other at all. thinking...maybe it would be so much easier...but would it be any less painful?
running. running, trying to reach you.
calling out your name...screaming. but you never turn. and when you do...you cry.
you fall to the ground. and in my desperation, i try to run faster. but i can't move from dat one spot. no matter how hard i try...i can never reach you.
and suddenly, you're dragged away by a faceless man. and i scream. and you scream. and i fall into darkness. i will never reach you.
and i shoot out of my bed.
you're everywhere now. my mind is so messed up dat i couldn't even concentrate on anything. my mind keeps replaying that dream over and over again. is this a sign? maybe it's juz not meant to be.
but how am i supposed to forget. can i ever forget? especially since practically everyday...dere's someone dere to remind me of you? it wasn't so bad last time...you weren't in my life anymore. so i saw some traits in dat someone dat i saw in you...but it wasn't so painful.
but...now...
now dat ur back...
a painful reminder of amazing memories.
you...
torment me.
fuck. why can't i juz get amnesia?
"cos you're everywhere to me."
19:30
ah so it's sunday. dammit. sch again tmr.
aniwaes castor won for orientation. quite a big surprise. but good job i guess. din go for e campfire but i noticed it started raining. so ya...so sad. haha.
first week of sch has been...uneventful i guess. juz tiring. still trying to get used to being a j2. blegh.
went out wif dee and anu yest. and yet again, anu had to go off earlier to go temple. haiz. went to dis library bk sale at suntec. mommy was volunteering dere too la...aniwaes bought lyke 3 whole stacks of magazines and one book. so heavy so we decided to get singpost to deliver it. haha. only coming tmr sey. so slow.
so left me and dee rite...decided to go to orchard. went to eat ice cream at taka. u noe e shop at e basement, next to the donut shop, near haegan daez...yup. e ice cream's quite nice. not dat expensive either. so yep we decided we'll eat ice cream dere from now on if we ever go to town.
heh. den we had a craving for guava. so we went all e way to far east. we always eat guava wen we go dere. haha. but dammit e moment we reached dere, e aunty closed e shop! wahlau...so damn unlucky la. haha.
but aniwaes...finally stepped into the atticus shop for e first time ever. i was so happy. i found e t-shirt i lovelovelove so much. and it's 45 bucks. ahh..i shall save money. yay. haha. aniwaes walked ard cos she wanted to look for bag and i wanted to look for a new wallet. dere's dis shop called nu nu fashion. haha it rocks la. bought my jack and sally wallet from dere. 16 bucks...so nice. and original price was 19 i think. e shopowner was cool. and e wallet is nice. black wif dis yellowish moon and jack standing dere. it rocks.
den walked ard some more. she found a nice bag. it was really very nice. i kinda regretted buying my INK bag. dat bag was lyke uber cool and classy. haha. but nvm. i lyke my INK bag.
den went off ard 8 or 9 la. went to my houz cos dee's mom was going to pr aniwaes. yep. my cuzs were here. ameera's so cute. she was lyke scared of dee. (dee, u scary scary girl, u) and she kept clinging onto me lyke a koala bear. ahh so cute. (DEE develop e photos for me quick!!) yep den dee went off and i played wif ameera...
she was singing for me too. row row row your boat, itsy bitsy spider, barney songs...ahh she's lyke so adorable la. i'm gonna be so sad wen she grows up...she won't be so keen on singing dem anymore wen she's lyke 12 or something. haiz.
i wanna go out. i'm so bored. and i dun wanna go sch tmr. dere's PE! bleghhh.
listening to greenday. e new cd's not bad.
i wanna collect claz fund. but i'll obviously not get any money frm delon and sean. haur shen still got hope i tink. haiz. not as if i want to collect rite. i'm totally forced to wat.
"you've reached the boulevard of broken dreams, babe."
16:07
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
well it's wednesday.
i'm tired. din noe giving tuition while schooling was gonna be so exhausting. oh well i shall get used to it.
we haf our very own claz now. it's on e 4TH FLOOR. good and bad. tiring to climb up...but i'd probably lose weight this way. haha. it's not so bad. near the lecture theatres so it's ok.
j1s are having their orientation now. oh man....it's so weird calling them j1s...especially since i was one myself not so long ago. sheesh and now dey wld be calling US j2s. dat is so fucking creepy. suhaila's rite...e whole idea of us being in year 2 and taking our freaking A LEVELS this year has NOT sunk in. shit.
j1s *shivers* are LOUD. so very LOUD. but guess we were lyke dat laz yr too. and su said dey're getting tinier now. dey look lyke sec 1s instead of j1s. new houz...zosma. funny. haha. dunno who's first at e moment. aiyah watever la.
some teachers haf alreadi mapped out e whole year. and man, it sounds tough. juz waiting for the stress and the hw to pile up. hope i can cope. aniwaes 1st 3 daes were....
unreal. haha. i still felt in a holidayish mood. first day i had no mood to do anything. and we had every subject on dat day. including PE! sian...haha. mrs. chua's teaching us again for geog, thank god. i love her. haha. dr. alfi's our CT again too. dat's cool.
econs tutor changed tho. bwahaha. it's dis other woman called michelle wong. yep. she's ok i guess...past few lessons been ok.
we haf dis new thing called claz interaction which is meaningless and useless. haha we did nothing. ni kan wo, wo kan ni. (is dat correct? haha.) and i'm e only one who ends at 5 on tue cos i haf malay la. (btw my claz only has 8 or 9 ppl now) everyone else doesn't haf mt. and dey haf it on fri...which causes me to haf 3 free periods in a row. wahlau go home and slack la. haha.
i still haven finished my geog hw. still got a bit more..one qn i think. oh well one more day to go.
guess sch's ok la. timetable overall improved i guess. we end a bit earlier on some daes. but weds are e 'best'. we're free all morning until 10.15 cos dere's maths. wat's e pt.....haiz.
wat a meaningless post. guess i was juz bored. PE first period tmr. blegh. dowan.
oh well. toodles for now.
20:37
Sunday, January 02, 2005
i dreamt about an ATTICUS shirt yesterday.
someone really nice and kind and wonderful...
get it for me.....
...please?
by e way e pics below are courtesy of the atticus clothing website...
www.atticusclothing.com
"atticus. level 27. made. omen. macbeth. suspect. blackout."
16:34
no. 20
16:32
no.9
16:32
no.5
16:31
no 15.
16:31
no.18
16:31
no 16.
16:30
Saturday, January 01, 2005
my first entry of the year. woohoo.
came home near midnight. thankfully in time for taufik's vid premiere. yay. haha.
i had an amazing new years eve. wat a day to spend e laz dae of e yr. of course no other way den wif my two bestest best frens. dee and anusha (tho she left at lyke 5..blegh.)!!!
k aniwaes. had tuition in e morning first. den went to meet e girls. anusha first...den we waited for dee (who was late as usual). and in dat half hour or more...3 pple approached us to ask for donations. dis girl who looked lyke she was in pri sch, dis frenly indian dude (whom we call bernie mac. haha.), and dis idiot indian guy (we call him leech)...ya he was a loser. haha.
so dee came and we went to eat. seafood fried rice. and wanton too. yummyyy~
walked ard at far east a while. and e bloody atm queue was so fucking long la. wanted to draw out money but couldn't be bothered to wait. haha.
and oh man! saw e atticus shop! i juz stopped and let out a yelp. and stared at e shop. but dee and anusha were dere...so we moved on. haiz.
so after dat...went to cineleisure. wanted to buy bag...found dis black INK bag. niceeee. but decided to look ard first. we bought socks! and we coordinated our socks for e first two days! haha. we're crazy.
went heeren to check out e bags...but din seem so nice. so went back to cine to buy e INK bag. haha. love it.
anusha had to leave sumwhere before i bought e bag. haiz. so left me and dee. she wanted to buy shoes. school shoes thankfully. haha. so we went to PS. decided to eat ice cream first. so went swensens. i almost puked frm eating too much ice cream. haha.
went to look at shoes dere. and i tink we were at royal sporting houz...saw one of e nicest bags i had ever seen. haiz. but it was lyke 50 bucks...so i din feel so bad abt buying e other bag. haha. but it was niceeeee...
we went to suntec after dat. went to WHY PAY MORE? haha dat place rocks. it's lyke filled wif shoes la. we spent close or more to 3 hours dere. haha. at first it was juz her wanting to buy shoes....den i decided i wanted to buy shoes too! haha. so i did. abt 80 bucks. and it's nice...sangat blue. dee's also. i had fun dere. cos i was lyke so critical abt every pair. haha. dee says i'm quite a gd shopping partner. cos if i'm critical abt everything...she'd get only e best pair. haha. so yes it was tiring...looking at practically every single pair. haha. but it was fun. in e end, she bought dis adidas pair and i bought nike. yay.
it was 9 plus wen we left e shop. den decided din wanna go home so fast. went to sit at raffles city shopping centre and looked at all e pple going for countdown and parties and stuff. all day i saw pple wif atticus t shirts. i was super jealous. i waaannttt...but so ex la. nvm i shall save up money to get my atticus t shirt! yay.
left for home close to 11 or maybe a bit later. haha. and now i'm finally home. ahhh. so tired. but i had an amazing day.
i love dee. i love anusha.
hmm so e year has ended. and a new one has begun.
time to forget e past...and look forward to e future.
now when i think of my past yr...i can't say i've regretted much dat happened. things happen for a reason i guess...the good, the bad...the happy, the sad. haha.
frm e very first day of e yr. my first jc. my first claz. my second jc. my second claz.
time really does fly. one whole year has passed. one year older, one year wiser? sure. why not. haha.
and now as i step into e new year...i wonder wat made e last year any diff from e others. sure i'm in a new jc...but changes are always happening. small or big...be it in appearance, mindset, personality...e pt is u still change.
so wat wld make any other yr diff? will we go thru e motions of life...bidding goodbye to another year and welcoming a new one...juz living yr after yr?
and as i reflected on dis yr...all e bad things dat happened dat affected us to such an extent. SARS, bird flu, tsunami waves...disasters that cld haf happened every other yr...and i realised...so wat if there's no difference in the years....
...maybe...
the important thing is that we are still living year by year. dat maybe e important thing is we're still alive to see the next yr and wonder wat will be so special abt e new year. maybe e important thing is dat we got through the year...no matter how bad things may haf been, no matter horrible the world seemed.....
e point is...
i get to say i survived another year. i lived another year. and i realised it took a great disaster for me to appreciate my existence. how lucky i am.
all i can do is thank God. for always watchin over me. for always being there.
to all i cherish...
my family, my friends...
to everyone i noe...
= happy 2005 =
01:30
