Thursday, December 30, 2004
i changed my blog template again...
thanx to anusha...my inspiration. haha. i'm ur biggest fan! i wan cookies!
thanx to e person who owns dis pic. i haf no idea who. it's a wonderful pic.
THE TRUTH
So here we are
We are alone
you can talk to me now...no one's gonna hear us...
There's weight on your mind
I wanna know
The truth
tell me...what's going on in that head of yours? sometimes i feel ur juz using me...
"i think i love you..."
"u think u do...but u don't..."
If this is how you feel
Say it to me
If this was ever real
was it really love? is that what u felt? so why'd u juz leave like that? why'd u leave so easily?
I want the truth from you
Give me the truth even if it hurts me[x2]
sometimes i wonder if e words coming out of ur mouth are true...or juz lies. and i wonder...was wat we had...
a lie too?
I want the truth
please...
So this is you
You're talking to me
You found a million ways to let me down
So I'm not hurt when you're not around
i wish all the hurt u put me through was for my own good...and i wonder if u really were e heartless person u seemed to be.
wishing the things u put me through was juz an act...
I was blind
But now I see
This is how you feel
Just say it to me
If this was ever real
how do u feel? was it all a lie? tell me it wasn't...
I want the truth from you
Give me the truth even if it hurts me[x2]
I know that this will break me
I know that this might make me cry
and if i do...would you be by my side?
...like i was when u cried?
"...i'll always be here..."
would you?
You gotta say what's on your mind, on your mind
I know that this will hurt me
And break my heart and soul inside
But I don't wanna live this lie
I want the truth from you
Give me the truth even if it hurts me
it's juz so difficult to let go...
I want the truth from you
Give me the truth even if it hurts
I don't care no more, no
Just give me the truth
Give me the truth
Cause I don't care no more
Give me the truth
Cause I don't care no more, no
Just give me the
Give me the truth
Give me the truth
Give me the truth
Give me the truth
Cause I don't care no more, no
juz give me the fucking truth. i don't care anymore.
i've had enough of ur crap. all the promises, all the lies, all the bullshit.
juz tell me what it is u want....
cos i'm done. i give up. i don't want any more.
=i want the truth.=
20:19
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
christmas day. (saturday)
lazing around e whole day. den in e afternoon, nenek dragged me to mom's cuz's houz. ate turkey for the first time ever. haha. tastes lyke chicken. woo~
watched 'while u were sleeping'. i love love love dat movie. it's juz so sweet plus it has sandra bullock in it and she's lyke one of my fav. actresses. yay.
sunday.
hmm can't seem to rem wat i did...oh think i was slacking e whole day long. so bored. tink i went to my aunty's houz. man do i haf short term memory. haiz.
monday.
went to gif tuition..played wif baby...finally has a name. it's muhammad rayan(pronounced as ryan i tink) tan keng loong (or long...but it means dragon aniwaes.). so cute. haha.
went aunty's houz after dat. ameera is so cute. wen my uncle sent us home she followed too. and wen we left, she was lyke crying cos she wanted to come wif us. haha. i love ameera. it tore up my heart to see her crying lyke dat...haiz. ameera is the cutest toddler ever...not counting my brother la. haha. he used to be uber cute. chubby cheeks and all. haha.
tuesday...which is today. or e day one hour ago.
today rocked. spent e whole day outside. i am tired. anusha came to my houz first den we went to cedar to collect my o level cert. haha yes. shld haf collected ages ago...but kept forgetting. den mommy said dey were gonna send it back to MOE if we din collect by dis yr. so i was forced to go back. lots of memories....from the bus ride to e walk to sch. and omg dey tore down joo seng cc. haha. i was so surprised. aniwaes cedar still looks e same. wanted to go up to my old clazrm but decided not to. no time la.
k den we went to orchard. ate at mac first den went to far east. ate waffle at gelare! haha yay for tue and half price waffle! hahaha. wanted to go bag/present shopping today but it was pretty late and we had to go for e band concert.
hmm reached dere ard 7.10 i tink. we sat at e circle section so we cld see everything. wow i hafta say i'm really proud of MJC Band. i felt a deep sense of pride to be able to say dat band is from MY school. haha. the performance rocked and at e end, i kinda wished it wasn't so short. sum parts of e concert i felt a fleeting sadness cos of e music. it was juz so sad. aniwaes dey played pieces lyke el camino real, animation medley and some others. e encore piece was cute. haha doraemon theme song!! so funny lah dey all.
aniwaes jules apparently had some sort of solo in it. but i loved it wen she played e huge drums...i haf no idea wat's e correct term...and wen she played e xylophone (or whatever) during variations on a korean folksong. i am so sorry juling darling...i haf no idea wat's all e instruments called. haha. oh delon had a little solo too. i really lyke e french horn. i tink if i were in band i wld haf played either e french horn or trumpet or percussion. haha.
oh i seriously love the ties. haha. e french horn section looked awesome cos it was all black. tie and all. lyke percussion too! e yellow was cool. haha. and duh of course flora lyked e purple ones. haha.
i think my fav was e pirates of e carribean piece. it was juz so...wow. mebbe cos e movie was so wow. but their performance was amazing. juz super fantastic. good job guys~
after dat went starbucks...had my fav. caramel frappucino. tho my mouth was numb after a while and i thot i was gonna drown in it. haha. but i love it. so it's ok.
kay i tink i shall go sleep now or sumthin. gotta wake up early to do CIP. blegh. nitey nite.
memories.
a lot of memories tonight.
memories about us.
juz so many.
happy and sad.
good and bad.
but every single memory would be burned in my mind...
= ...and my heart forever, juz lyke the memory of you... =
01:01
Saturday, December 25, 2004
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!
to my baby brother...HAPPY BIRTHDAY! yay! you've existed a whole decade....woohoo!
thursday.
din haf my specs. and went around half blind.
supposed to haf claz outing...ra, jules, tracy, haur shen, caroline, shu, sean, delon, ameera and me. at seoul garden. but in e end only 5 of us turned up. ra, haur shen, shu, me and sean (plus michelle). haha. so pathetic. but we had fun. me and ra made beef fried rice! but it turned out so salty cos we used lots of soya sauce and ginger soaked in soya sauce. haha. aniwaes talked about lots of stuff...and lots of *pple*. wow dere's juz so many things u can find out about someone.
aniwaes. went to play pool after dat. sean left long before dat alreadi tho. so only four of us. den caroline came to join us at e pool place. we paired up...me and haur shen...ra and shu. den wen shu left, caroline took her place. haha. me and haur shen won lyke so many times!!! and e only we lost was cos i accidentally hit e 8 ball in e wrong pocket. hahaha. and dey kept having to point out e balls dat were mine cos i couldn't see la. haha. dat was funny.
k aniwaes...it was fun. except for the bunch of ingrates (mats) at e next table. dey were being so soo sooo fucking irritating. and e comments dey made almost made me wanna punch them. but i was content wif juz staring at dem. freaks.
hmm den went home. i had fun! i love u guys!
flora...thanx for e very coooool and retro bangle! and for being my eyes for e whole day! thanx for e 'christmas hug' which e pole got to enjoy as well! hahaha.
haur shen!!! you actually went out wif us! as in really really went out wif us! and u were born to be a chef! and stop saying ur 'JUZ A BEGINNER' at pool wen it's quite obvious ur so proooo...haha.
caroline! thanx for e pen holder thingy! haha. it's superrr colourful! and ur pool skills are juz...out of this world!
shu...i missed you la!!! great to see you! *muacKz*
sean. great to see u too...even tho it was only for a few hours. haha. next time we are gonna book u for e whole day! hmph.
to e rest who couldn't make it. esp my darling wives....haiz. i really miss u guys. too bad u couldn't meet up. but i'll cya on e 28th! jules...e band concert is gonna rock! *hugs*
friday.
christmas eve! i finally got my specs! dey're kewllll...haha. we had a mini bdae party for my lil bro at 1am! haha. my aunt plus family were dere too. had cake and mee goreng. yum. oh and JELLY!!! u noe e one in e cone like plastic thing. haha. i LOVE dem!! yummyyyy...
dey went home ard 2 or 3 la. den straight to bed. sooo sleepy. haha.
today!
and of course today is christmas!! and my bro's birthday. oh and of course...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY YULIN!! *muacKz*
doing nothing today. staying home. haha. lyke wat else. watch TV and read books.
i got 3 books...
MISTER GOD, THIS IS ANNA. super nice story. e stuff u realise in dis book is juz fantastic.
THE DA VINCI CODE. hey since everyone's been talking abt it...mite as well read it. besides, my mommy brought it home. so nothing else to do.
MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA. dis is one cool book. read it before...but it's such an amazing story dat i juz hafta read it again.
kay. and of course dere's homework. bleghhhh. haha. alritey. shall go watch TV or read or something.
merry christmas!
= my soul is bleeding. =
15:02
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
wild wild wet again. woohoo.
went wif my mommy, bro and maid. as usual it's fun. it was rainy...so i'm a lot darker! dat totally sux.
but aniwaes i had fun. and yes i saw cute lifeguard wif e belly piercing again (BPL)! haha. and i saw dat stupid setan claus AGAIN. oh oh. saw lots and lots of cute lifeguards today again. dey dun really count as lifeguards tho...cos dey're pretty much juz fooling ard wif us too. haha. but aniwaes one of dem caught my eye. PBL(shall be explained now). first it was his pose. he was doing dis playboy-ish pose...lying on e side, head in one hand. ya. haha. thus i shall refer to him as PBL (playboy lifeguard). PBL had numerous ear piercings. cute. haha.
k aniwaes. played at dat yakult playgrd...it is soo sooo soooo FUN. haha. and of course dat stupid shiok river again. where i saw PBL and BPL...and more cute guys. dere were a whole bunch of mats swimming too. and dey were lyke doing e chacha in e water or sumthin. dunno wat's dat called. u noe in one line den dey start dancing. haha. yaahhh.. funny la. i laughed wen i saw dem.
and of course highlight of my day. MY SPECS DROWNED! submerged myself wif my specs on and wen i came up dey were gone!!!! *wails* so now i'm pretty much blind. thank goodness i can type w/o looking. made new specs juz now. but it will only be ready tmr evening! and i'm going out wif my darling clazmates! wif no eyesight! hhahaha. help....
i can't believe it la. i found goggles, a wallet which had credit cards and about 100 bucks but no freaking specs!!!!! grrr..
k well aniwaes. i dun mind losing dem. i was gonna get a new pair aniwaes...wat matter is i had fun wif my family. family bonding time. haha.
and anusha. I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!!! ....superstar!
oh yes. counterstrike rocks.
...can't believe i said dat...
23:01
Monday, December 20, 2004
ah it's about 3 in the morning and i've juz finished making my new template. thanx to anusha for e inspiration. it looks kinda weird eh? i'll change it later when my eyes aren't half closed.
so due to popular demand i'm back wif an entry. ever since i stopped...i've been feeling extra lazy to start again...but i mite as well la since i'm alreadi signed in. haha come on lah u can't miss me daaat much....i've been gone for...only a week plus?? haha. but i'm touched.
a lot of stuff has happened. bad stuff most of the time...but dere are moments were i really felt happy and life seemed so simple dat i forgot all my troubles and woes.
like when my mom's cuz gave birth. it was truly amazing to see baby norman (k no his name isn't norman...juz my nickname for him since b4 he was born. haha). when i carried him, i felt freedom i had never felt before. the whole world disappeared. it was juz me and baby norman. it's a wonder how something so small could bring so much joy to the world.
after seeing my mom's cuz in so much pain...i realised how much moms hafta go thru juz to haf us. and for dat i wanna thank my mommy for enduring e many hours of painful labour to have me. and it makes me feel guilty for all the times i've been such a bitch to her...cos i've been such a pain to her since birth. sorry mommy. i love you.
*cue the sentimental music*
so wat other stuff happened while i wasn't blogging....
oh sleepover wif theo and tracy. dat was FUN. and we learnt the REAL version of bridge. not sean's pirated version.
mommy bought me an mp3 player! yay.
watched A LOT of vcds. waiting for *some pple* to return e vcds dey borrowed. think i'll only get dem nxt yr tho. k nvm.
baby norman, baby norman, baby norman.
haha. and other stuff i dun wanna mention. blegh. sometimes when i read my past entries...haiz...wearing my heart on my sleeve man...
oh well. i juz wanna sleep until tmr afternoon now. was s'posed to go wild wild wet (or izzit wet n wild? or wet wet wild? haha) tmr but due to unforeseen circumstances, it will be postponed. nvm tho. will enjoy a day of slacking and sleeping. *yawn*
goodnite pple. dun tink my entries will b an everyday ting from now on. wayyy too lazy, busy, depressed, watever...take ur pick.
gotta start on hw! (ya say but nv do) haha.
btw. my tutee is a nightmare. help me. heeeellllppppp!!!
03:10
Thursday, December 09, 2004
i tink i'm gonna stop blogging for a while cos my entries are getting wayyyy too depressing.
goodbye world.
haha.
23:27
sumtimes....
i wonder how it is u can make me feel so insecure and so confused...
and sumtimes i wonder...
...if it's juz me.
"i'll gif it my all, i swear. i promise i'll make it up to u."
really? part of me wants to try. but another part of me...maybe a bigger part of me won't believe you. maybe dat part of me is juz too...
tired. tired of everything dat happened. tired of the fighting. tired of trying to forget. juz tired. and maybe i'm juz too tired to try again.
wat can i say? i'm juz a j-j-jaded person.
hey you. dun worry about me. if no one's ever told u...ur a guardian angel urself. and sumtimes...it's enuff to me dat someone cares.
and to another you. wish u weren't hurting so much. i can't say i understand how u feel cos i don't...but i'll always be here if u juz wanna gimme a call and...juz cry. i can't promise u the world but i can promise u dat i'll always always be here.
23:13
you and me lying on the beautiful beach in the dead of the night, only the sounds of us breathing and the waves crashing onto shore. watching the clouds and the amazing full moon, shining down on us, surrounded by the twinkling stars.
and suddenly, you start singing 'twinkle twinkle little star' and halfway, you stop and laugh softly. i smile, and we both see a shooting star.
you get all excited and force me to close my eyes and wish for something.
and you ask me what i wished for.
silly you. it won't come true if i tell you.
you put your hand in mine and you smile at me. dat smile again. dat perfect beautiful smile...
you told me once it was just for me...
i close my eyes, enjoying the warmth emanating from you, enjoying the smell of the salty sea air, the feel of your hand in mine...
ahh perfect.
and when i open them again, i see the dull white of my ceiling. it was all a dream...
and all we had was...
a fucking dream too? well if it was...it was a very good dream.
feelings bubbling inside me. the oh so familiar feeling of rage and sadness...the bitterness, the hate...the love...the resentment...and the acceptance. the confusion...all the feelings...and i juz wanna...
SCREAM.
i wanna cry hit something. i wanna hurl insults and all sorts of curses at you...i wanna call u a fucking asshole. a bitch. a slut. anything.
but in the end, if i were to ever look at your face again, i know i could never hurt you.
i could never fucking hate you either. oh fuck it all.
and i close my eyes again. thinking of my wish....
...wondering if it will come true now.
my wish is.....
my secret. silly you. shhh.
= i don't want to forget =
01:32
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
WILD WILD WET ROCKS.
haha yep went dere wif two pri sch kids, two maids and a kindergarten kid. haha. it was actually a LOT of fun, considering it was drizzling and the water was fucking cold. haha i loved e 'shiok river'. it was lyke so fun...
the highlight of my day was when i sat on this ride (6 seater boat...sorta lyke white water rafting) which was called 'ular lah' wif setan claus and cute lifeguard. we met dem at the shiok river. it was quite funny. dis malay guy (mat mat mat!!) in a santa suit (or at least e jacket and the hat) climbed into the river wif dis cute lifeguard (i tink he was a lifeguard or at least worked dere). ya k aniwaes dey kept overturning all the floats and kept splashing water at everyone. haha FUN. thus e name SETAN claus and his little devil sidekick. haha. setan claus invited us to ride the ular lah. and it was FREAKING FUN. haha. we were lyke whooping and dey even encouraged us to jump up and down. haha.
e whole bunch of pple working dere are lyke so fun and juz so...HAVOC. haha. plus plus plus sum of the lifeguards are actually cuteeee...haha. abovementioned cute lifeguard (whom my cuz called AH KONG) had numerous ear piercings and a nice lean, muscular (sort of) body. haha. very nice bad boy appeal too plus he seems superrr kewl. heh. actually come to tink of it, a lot of e lifeguards had ear piercings. hmm. cute.
wave pool, and dis uber cool slide ting. i thot my life was gonna be ripped away frm me. haha. but it was cool. loved it. oh ya of course dere was the time when we were fooling around with e whole bunch of lifeguards. splashing each other wif water and juz having plain fun. FUN FUN FUN. haha.
omg dere was dis ride called skyrider which was so freaky. i thot i was gonna fall of e vehicle (?) and my fear of heights kicked in. eeh scary shit. haha.
oh man i love wild wild wet. almost drowned in e beginning tho. haha but after dat it was a lot of fun. i've overused dat word in dis entry. but it was...FUN! haha.
oh man i'm tired. my whole body is aching esp my shoulders. ooowwwww. someone gif me a massage......please? i'll gif u a cookie. haha.
i haven had so much fun in a long time. guess i really needed it, cute lifeguards and all. haha. thanx a lot for e invite. love ya guys. woohooo~
*wave pool. ular lah. setan claus. cute lifeguard. shiok river. kids water playground. samsung slide up. jacuzzi. skyrider. almost drowning. overturned floats. fun. fun. FUN.*
= i don't want to forget =
21:05
Sunday, December 05, 2004
i'm sleepyy...
i finally bought e eminem cd yesterday!! yay thank you mommy!! i love you!!
i juz came home. been spending so little time at home these past few days. i almost forgot how it looks lyke. haha. i miss eating at home. nowadays i'm always out and either eating outside or eating at sumone else's houz. haha.
aniwaes...went to jemputan today. ama's bro got married. yep. so went wif fariza and oscar. made fun of wat i now call his dragonball hair. haha. wore baju kurung...i was lyke dying alongside fariza due to the heat. reached dere ard 1+...den stayed until lyke 4?? haha. ard 3+ wilson, weiliang and these 3 other girls from current 1A04 came. took a pic...
yah den bought black nail polish. yay i haf goth lookin nails now. woohoo. and went home. den went to my nenek's old fren/neighbour's place. cos her husband juz passed away. aniwaes ameera (sangat cute!) was dere too. dis guy called fairul (i tink) was dere too...prob a little younger den me? aniwaes ameera was so gatal!! she kept playing wif him...and was juz soooo flirtatious!! haha of course she can get away wif it! she's lyke 2!! haha. cuteeee...
ya k so i'm finally home. so tired. *yawn* can't sleep tho...still thinking about...
haiz. i hate you. cos ur juz too fucking perfect. i hate you. i hate you. i hate you. i hate you. i love hate you. you've been on my mind e whole day. why can't u juz leave me alone?? ah fuck.
i miss you. i do, i really do. i'm not supposed to. but i do. ahh great, dis is fucking great.
maybe i'll never forget. maybe you'll never let me forget. maybe...
= i don't want to forget =
23:07
went to kino today to get books for my mommy's library. met fariza too. to watch ama do tarian!!!! haha. it was dis basking festival ting lah...sr was involved. outside paragon dere. oh man...e dikir guys were funny. saw lots of familiar faces.
haha ama looked so diff! couldn't recognise her. aniwaes e modern dance girls were dere too. so natalie was dere!! haha. miss her man...e whole thing was pretty cool. stayed until 3 even tho me and fariza were pretttyyy hungry.
den went aunt's houz. makan. so sedap e food. haha. and irah has finally warmed up to me!!!! no more scary eyes!! wahahaha!
aniwaes...after a little chat wif fariza...we feel...
guys cannot be trusted.
i've heard about it. i've seen it. and i believe it.
ah fuck all you bastards. u may think ur this perfect boyfriend....no no wait. u may make EVERYONE ELSE think ur this perfect boyfriend. but someday it's all blow up right in your face.
the rumours are dere. might not be true. but...wat's important is there's e possibility dat they might be TRUE. paranoid, you say? i dun think so. trust you? haha.
don't make me laugh.
ah sheesh. i dun want to see you. why make me feel guilty about it? fuck.
= this is my way of forgetting =
01:29
Thursday, December 02, 2004
i am so sooo soooooo in love with TAUFIK BATISAH! ahh!!! he is e most charming fella i haf ever seen and his voice is juz soo...wow! he's lyke p. ramlee meet elvis presley!! hahaha. fineee joel, so i AM a TAUFIK nut. hmph. by e way i hate your brother! *evil eyes*
k aniwaes. i was so happy when taufik won yesterday. his performance rocked. (dee!!! i hate you for going w/o me!! gimme e badge! i wan i wan i wan!!) i was so scared for him when the results were being announced. haha voted many times lah. man....
"saya sayang mak." awwwwww.....
and i can't believe all these tabloids slamming him! it's so fucked up lah. i mean he deserved to win ok...dun be sore losers. TAUFIK ALL THE WAY! haha. i wanna change e pic on my blog and put a pic of taufik!! ahhhh! haha.
k aniwaes. today made cheesecake wif joel. he's lyke sum pro ar...
"...not too many air bubbles..."
"...smooth and creamy texture..."
wahahaha. but he's scared of taking the cake out of the oven. haha.
it turned out great!! and yummy...dee, andi and her lil sis, yasmin can vouch for it. haha.
so after makin cheesecake, i went andi's houz for hari raya. e pple i knew who came were dee, dan, nadiah, raj and shameni. yep it was fun lah. laughed a lot and andi's lil sis, yasmin (who's 5 by e way and reminds me so much of ameera wif her curly hair and cheeky smile. haha) is lyke soooo cute!!! haha. played her gameboy too. it was juz plain fun. making fun of raj...making fun of andi...haha. pictures!!! soooo funny. esp e one of me, dan and dee. dee was lyke e mommy and dan and me e kids. haha.
i told yasmin to call dee....nenek dee!! haha. she's so cute lah. called her nenek dee. ahhh i love yasmin.
hmm hoping to haf a sleepover on sun wif dee, andi and nadiah. and maybe yasmin can come too! haha. so cuteeee...love kids...oh wait...love little girls!! not all kids. boys are juz plain irritating when dey reach a certain age. blegh. shall relate a story which happened on mon night. kinda long so i'll juz gif u bits of it.
three boys throwing pillows ard. two hit me. confiscated them. put on chair next to me. cuz climbed table behind me to get to pillow. fell on my face. blood blood blood. @@#%$&%$&%#$^#$#^^. yep. my top ear piercing now has an extension.
haha. well e past few days haf been fun.
*shark tale. mustafa. roti nan and tandoori chicken. family history. united square. barney and friends. far east. cahaya restaurant. swensens. tuition. SINGAPORE IDOL. TAUFIK BATISAH. andi's houz. lontong. yasmin e cuutteeee. sleepover on sun? fun.*
= this is my way of forgetting. =
23:00
