Friday, November 26, 2004
forget. forget. forget. forget.
damn i can't.
the smile. everytime we meet. you would flash dat smile of yours. no matter how sad i was on dat day, i could not help but smile back. cos dat smile of urs always cheered me up.
"hey. how was your day?" dat smile again.
u were always smiling. u made me happy wif dat smile.
and ur laugh. everytime i cracked a joke or said something lame, you would laugh. (was i even dat funny?) infectious. melodious. hearing you laugh made me tell joke after joke. i would do something stupid juz to hear u laugh.
ur hugs. so enthu dat i almost fell. as if we hadn't seen each other in years when it was only yesterday we met.
ahhh the shopping trips. torture. utter torture. when i gave u dat half dead look on my face, you would laugh and i would start staggering. made u laugh even more. waiting outside e fitting rooms. how tiring.
breakfast at macdonalds. lunch in orchard. dinner at ur houz. u cooked. wanted to show off dat u could cook. ur "great" cooking skills. *baked beans* haha. but u made it. so it was yummy....then.
the early morning smses. the late night smses. good morning. good night. the constant smsing. the SUPER HIGH fone bills.
"hey you. how was school? we did nothing today......"
"...go out today?..."
the fone calls in the dead of e nite. 3 am. 4 am. and we'd talk all e way to 7? 8? the way we'd stare out of the window, sharing e sunrise over e fone. haha.
and suddenly.
you complaining. you whining. you screaming. you blaming me. and pple wonder why my tolerance level is so high.
"....they might be divorcing!"
"oh. don't worry too much..."
"is dat all you can say?! you're so useless sometimes!"
u knew i wasn't good at comforting pple. u knew. but i held on. thinking ur mood swings were cos of problems.
didn't realise we were a problem too.
the fights. small little arguments. always made up after half an hour or less. grew and grew into huge fights. din talk for weeks. in the end, i gave in. i said sorry. you forgave me.
realised after dat how tired i was becoming. carrying the weight of ur problems alongside mine...
i tried. but i failed. i tried being your best friend, confidante, pillar of strength, girlfriend, safety net. tried being there for u, tried comforting u, tried everything. but i realised...
you stopped trying. u stopped being there for me. e morning smses, e sweet smiles...were all gone. and i wondered..were they there in the first place?
your problems. your new clothes. eat where you want. go out when you want. carry your things. listening to what you say. you. you. you.
one huge fight.
the tears. the anger. the sadness. the disbelief. the stupidity of me.
why the fuck am i posting this?
...maybe it's juz my way of forgetting.
02:30
