Tuesday, October 12, 2004
sleepover was at flora's houz...only me, her and tracy...watched movies, laughed and was half asleep. haha...aniwaes it wasn't as fun as d laz one...i guess cos dere's onli 3 of us and we were alreadi half dead. but it was ok...aniwaes e nxt dae tracy left at lyke 7 or 8...and me and flora went to parkway parade.
it was an ok place...not as kickin as tamp tho. haha...she cut her fringe!!! and i told her it looks cute but she juz WON'T believe me. fine den. on e way dere...we were talking abt frens and relationships...and it made me think about...
her.
aniwaes liza, akrab and su came over after dat to haf a cheerleading practice...it was fun but tiring. haha...juz reached home lyke 20 min ago?? i dunno...
juz when i was thinking of her.
i saw her juz now. i almost forgot to breathe. i wanted to say hi. but.........i didn't.
she really likes him, i can tell. juz from e way she looks at him. is it juz my imagination? i dun tink so. she treasures every single moment with him. sometimes she reminds me of a confused little girl...wandering the dark, cold streets...too tired to cry...scared and lonely. all because of him.
and i can't stop thinking about it. it plagued my every thought after that...as i was sitting in flora's houz and listening to 'last song'...i juz...thought of...her. i was worried, scared, angry, sad...all at e same time. and for dat one second everything juz went silent. i couldn't hear anything, i didn't see anything, i was just lost in my own world. and i felt suffocated. i felt lyke drowning.
it's lyke a bomb was dropped on me. i juz...
i dun want her to get hurt. one thing comes to my mind when i tink about him...
JERK.
she was onli crushing on him. and alreadi his actions made her heart break...little by little. and she cried. because of him.
she began to like him more. and every single hurtful ting he said to her...made her cry even more. she became depressed. because of him.
every single time i saw dat sad look on her face...everytime he brushed her off...i felt...
angry.
damn fucking angry.
always. because. of. him.
i told her she shld stop liking him. easier said den done. i told her he wld hurt her. he already was.
...you're jealous...
...you like him too...
...why can't you juz be happy for me?...
suffocating.
...ur juz trying to take me out of the picture.........no........
...why can't u juz accept this?...............i can't............
...ur s'posed to be my fren................i am..........
i hate him.
juz writing dis...makes my blood boil.
i dun get angry easily. frens noe dis. i get irritated. but i nv ever get angry w/o a good reason.
but when i do....
a murderous rage.
bottled up feelings. volcano juz waiting to erupt. don't test me.
i noe he doesn't read my blog. i dunno if she does. but if dey do get together...he better not do anything to hurt her.
don't you fucking dare.
don't. you. fucking. dare.
i'm sorry. i really am. i wish...
it doesn't matter now.
i'll always be here for you.
"the look on her face when he said no...i'll kill dat fucking bastard."
19:48
