haf u ever woken up and felt that today was gonna be one of the worst days of your life? well i did and my gut feeling was correct...i had a fucking shit day...and i was in a crappy mood all day.
i fought wif my dad again...reasons will remain un-named. and i got so bloody pissed off dat i locked myself in e room for e next hour...den i decided to go out and stay out for a few hours to calm down.
i went to e park and was totally blind to everythin ard me. i found a more secluded area and just sat down, staring at e disgustingly dirty sea. i was just so pissed off wif everything...and i felt lyke my life was totally screwed up.
den when i was walking again, these stupid mats who were playing soccer hit my head wif e ball. under other circumstances i would haf found it seriously funny but i was so fucking pissed off dat i almost punched e guy who took e ball from me. he was lyke laughing and saying sorry but i just gave him a glare dat stopped him laughing. i swear if looks could kill, he would haf dropped dere rite den. he muttered another sorry and i stalked off, not caring if he hated me for e rest of my life. fuck him.
i came home ard 5 and locked myself in my room again. i've been in here since. i feel an immense hate for my father. i feel lyke he's a stranger...and i find my days are best wen's he not ard...wen he goes to abroad. den my life is seriously peaceful...it used to be even better wen e maid wasn't around...of course e bloody maid was my dad's idea.
den i would spend e dae alone, doing watever i wanted. now i can't. but at least it's better wen he's not at home.
he's no. 1 on my 'pple i'm most detached wif' list. he truly is. and he's my father. e guy who's known me all my life. e guy who is part of me. and i hate him. how ironic. sometimes i wonder....does that mean i hate myself? wen i haf fights wif him, does it mean i'm fighting wif something within myself?
fuck everything. life is full of shit.
sometimes i think death can be comforting...possibly mine.
19:02
the girl.
Sufi
Family is my heart
Friends are my oxygen
Having fun is my passion
Music is my soul
